To choose to do this instead of a 'normal wedding'

[weddingwonders]

My partner and I have been together for nearly 4 years now and are looking into planning a potential wedding for next year (We have already agreed to go ring shopping when the shops open).

I'm so shocked at the price of bloody wedding packages! A sub par location where we are (south east) would cost over £2k with no frills just for a small intimate wedding (30 people).

We've decided we would rather take the 2k and spend it on a 'weddingmoon' and just get married abroad simply with us only.

My friends are a bit put out as I'm the first to be in the wedding territory and they wanted to be bridesmaids etc but my partner and I just can't understand how we can happily spend £2k on one day in comparison to a lovely week/s abroad!

It’s interesting to see the different sort of responses compared to those who are put out by ‘child free’ weddings, who bleat on about how a marriage is all about ‘famlee’.

Personally I would get married in the UK (basic Registar Office with 2 witnesses thing) because that is the legal bit done - aka the important bit.
Then just go on holiday. I don't know how the legal bits of marrying abroad works - is the marriage instantly legal here or do you have to apply for it to be legally recognized? I am sure I have read about people finding out their abroad weddings not actually being legal.
A UK Registar Office marrige takes less than an hour. You will know everything is legit because they will be no language confusion, your marriage certificates will be in English etc.
Oh and if friends and family moan just say "we want to be married, we don't want a wedding".

As a PP has said, there’s lots of options out there.

A family member (not in UK) got married at home with only family present at sunrise (overlooked the beach) and then had an open home day where anyone who wanted to wish them well could stop in at a time that suited them for a cup of tea and a bite to eat it was lovely to spend quality time with them, very relaxed, inexpensive plus the family loved it.

You certainly shouldn’t try to please everyone but keeping your family happy given you are joining your families together is a good start to a marriage (assuming no issues within the family)

You can invite family and friends to the Registar Office marrige if they are that fussed about being there.

@weddingwonders, we got married just the 2 of us last year, after postponing twice due to covid. It was the best thing I've ever done, and the naysayers have got over it now.

My dd was supposed to get married last summer. All through the planning her one complaint was the cost of feeding people.
She ended up with a 15 person, no reception allowed winter wedding.
A sibling couldn't attend because of lockdown rules.
The wedding was on zoom for family and friends.

Yes it was cheap and dd and her dh enjoyed it which is the main thing.
But as a parent I have moments of almost grieving what should have been a totally different day.

Perhaps your immediate family could have the option of paying for themselves to attend your wedding abroad. I know I would have wanted to for my dd.

Weddings are definitely expensive, and you should definitely do what you would like to do (whilst acknowledging that friends and family might be disappointed not getting tosee you on your wedding day).

However, I do think that some costs are quite reasonable. Paying for a meal for 30 people plus drinks would always set you back a fair wedge. Many places wouldn’t have space for 30 all together so would be reasonable in charging you to use that space for exclusivity. The cost of getting the registrar to your chosen venue is quite high if remember correctly. And even transport to get to the venue can be quite high - even if you don’t have a fancy car you still need to get there somehow. You can save money on flowers by not bothering or just getting some from a supermarket but arrangements and tied bouquets are expensive because they are flown in and preparing them is a skilled job. Same goes for a cake, it is a skilled job but you can get a reasonable one from M&S. I’m not sure how much photographers cost these days but that was a significant chunk when I got married.

In general it’s not necessary to pay loads to have a wedding but if you’re paying people to provide professional services exclusively (many can only do one wedding per day) then it’s going to cost, whatever the reason for the celebration.

I almost always agree about pleasing yourselves at weddings but I couldn’t put a holiday above having my parents there and I know they’d have pretended to be ok with it but been really upset if I had.

Because of the industry being hit so hard recently and being geared up to small weddings of 6 people, I’m sure there is a way to have a small intimate wedding and a holiday which would be cheaper than a wedding abroad anyway.

Oh my gosh, to be honest 2k seems so cheap for a wedding. Sorry I don't mean cheap as in tacky I mean very good value (as weddings go). BUT of course it's your day you do exactly as you wish and screw the rest of them

Could you do it without calling it a ‘wedding moon’ why does everything have to have a name!

Sounds lovely though

Mmme well we used a venue with a registration for marriages, then a local field and hired a marquee and some caterers. Didn't tell the marquee hire and caterers it was a wedding. When they clicked they wanted us to take all sorts of extra (internal drapes) and charge more . But obviously having quoted for the day and hire couldn't justify it...Just saying if you want you could have a 'party'or bugger it and go abroad

Have confidence in your own decision, there's no need to tell your friends every detail of your plans. And focus on the fact that you are 'getting married' not 'the wedding day'.

I have been married twice first time was fairly modest by today's standards - marquee scout tent in the garden and my DM and I did all the food .. second time was just a lunch for five of us.

I really hope my DS (if he gets married) has a very small, simple wedding, I would be horrified (but try not to show it) if his partner wanted a big, showy wedding. I genuinely wouldn't mind if I wasn't there - of course I don't know exactly if I would think that - but I am such a cynic about weddings, 50% end in divorce, when I think back to all the weddings I have attended over half the couples aren't together anymore (and I assume at least half of those that are still together aren't exactly blissfully happy), I just think they are a huge waste of money and the emphasis always seems to be on the 'occasion' rather than the marriage.

Just do what you and future DH want to do - but I wouldn't discuss it first I'd simply announce it as what you're doing to family and friends. You could have a nice celebratory meal with just your 2 sets of parents on your return. Personally I think going away with just the 2 of you if far less stress, can be less money (depending on what you decide) and I'd far prefer it.

I think some are conditioned into going for the massive over the top spend thousands weddings. It often appears a look at us show off spectacle and the crap that some waste their money on...plastic crap for the tables/balloons/seat wraps and ribbons/tat arranged everywhere/favours (!) the list of tat and over the top ness goes on and on. Sadly some get themselves in debt and spend years paying for the ridiculousness of some weddings.

OP do the wedding in a simple way that suits you. I chose a very simple wedding and never regret it. Don't do the competitive crap

Do what YOU want to do.

Quite honestly, it is refreshing to see someone being sensible about wedding costs, and not screaming "But it's my big DAYYYYYYYY" and demanding all sorts of expensive indulgences.

A small wedding isn't a bad wedding - it is a wonderfully intimate and meaningful one. Though is there any way you can have close family there (without it being ruinous for them)? That is a bit you may regret later.

Whatever you decide - I wish you a wonderful day and a happy life together.

@weddingwonders

Bridal stores.... the one let up for you with lock down is they are shut.... very soon prepare to be dragged around to look at the virginal white/ivory horror stories.... enjoy

I had a very small gathering - think parents and two sets of favourite aunties/uncles at a registry office with a bbq at home. Went on a mega honeymoon the next day.

Do what is right for you. I hate being the centre of attention so this suited me. I did get some judgment but it was the wedding that suited us and we had an amazing honeymoon that we might not have been able to afford if we had spent thousands on a wedding (that we didn’t want anyway!).

@StormBaby

Just go abroad!!

£2k is cheap for a uk wedding by the way, really cheap!

This!! It is cheap!

Mines was 18k for 50people 2 years ago. 🤣 We had the money though so we did it 'our' way.
Just do whatever makes you happy!

Quite honestly, it is refreshing to see someone being sensible about wedding costs, and not screaming "But it's my big DAYYYYYYYY" and demanding all sorts of expensive indulgences.

This!

I generally roll my eyes when I read wedding threads on MN because they're so full of talk about spending vast sums of money on things which are utterly pointless other than to impress someone else.

We could have easily afforded a big wedding but really, really could not be bothered with worrying about what other people thought we should or shouldn't be doing, so we had a very small one at a country house near us - just ceremony and a meal - with only parents and siblings present.

No grandparents, aunties, uncles, cousins, friends. No one.

It was perfect for us and, ultimately, tough luck for anyone else who wanted to get involved.

A wedding isn't supposed to be a contest where you try to impress other people with how much you've spent and how many people are there.

My heart sinks a bit when I get a wedding invitation. I don’t enjoy them generally, they are pretty boring, staged, and too long. Probably many of your potential guests might feel relieved to escape. But your parents.. ..don’t exclude them!
One wedding I did enjoy was DH’s work colleague’s wedding in the BVI. We went for a week with our teenage dc and had a fabulous time. Shame they split ten months later.

@weddingwonders we went to Canada, some friends/family were disappointed initially but when they saw the photos they agreed it was worth it.

Ironically I have friends who were very disappointed and said they would be mortified if their DS got married in a similar way. He is now due to be married, the wedding has been changed twice due to COVID and they now say they wish their DS would go abroad and do it minimally.

If you want certain people there you can always invite them if they are able to travel/afford it.

It's your day (and ultimately marriage) and no one else's.

We got married in a registry office with two of our friends as witnesses as the expense of a 'proper' wedding seemed pointless and a waste. Best thing we ever did, so if a weddingmoon works for you, go for it.

This won’t be a popular opinion on MN but I would not have been able to exclude my parents from my wedding (by which I mean the ceremony at which I became married rather than the party and everything that can go with it). In your position I would have a very very small registry office wedding with immediate family only and a pub lunch afterwards, then a really wonderful trip for the honeymoon. However I have the great privilege of a very healthy, loving relationship with my family.

My uncle hasn’t been able to attend any of his three children’s weddings because they have all gone abroad to exotic destinations which he couldn’t afford. This also won’t be popular but I know it makes him quite sad.

Why not get married abroad but invite your parents out just for the ceremony? As a mum you give up so much for your kids, the years of hard grind to give them what they need in life, always putting them first. I’d be utterly heartbroken if I didn’t get to see them get married. I’d probably pretend to be cool with it as you always put your kids and what they want first, but yes I’d be heartbroken.

Do be wary of saying people can come if they pay their own way. A friend did that thinking only closest family and friends would do it but made the mistake of telling people when and where it was taking place. A few people went who really weren't close to them and then muscled in on all the family outings. They haven't had much to do with them since but are in all the photos.