To choose to do this instead of a 'normal wedding'

[weddingwonders]

My partner and I have been together for nearly 4 years now and are looking into planning a potential wedding for next year (We have already agreed to go ring shopping when the shops open).

I'm so shocked at the price of bloody wedding packages! A sub par location where we are (south east) would cost over £2k with no frills just for a small intimate wedding (30 people).

We've decided we would rather take the 2k and spend it on a 'weddingmoon' and just get married abroad simply with us only.

My friends are a bit put out as I'm the first to be in the wedding territory and they wanted to be bridesmaids etc but my partner and I just can't understand how we can happily spend £2k on one day in comparison to a lovely week/s abroad!

@Sunbird24

My sibling did this, got married in Italy as part of a week long holiday with select family & friends (total party of 15) then the rest of us left and they had another week just the 2 of them.

That sounds so lovely! Might be something to consider, I just find it so cheeky to ask people to pay to come to our wedding

Ours was a long time ago but I think I would still do it the same way. We wanted to just go and get married with no fuss but Mum had always said as long as we didn't elope she would be happy.
We ended up with about 20 closest friends and family at a register office and a party in a local pub for anyone who wanted to come.
No fuss no frills, was not expensive and everyone was happy.

@weddingwonders we didn’t mind as we also got a week’s holiday. They found a lovely secluded self-catering Airbnb type place with a pool, the ladies all set off on the Eurostar on the Saturday and got the train through the Alps, staying overnight in Zurich, and the mens flew out to Italy on the Sunday and picked us up at the station with the hire cars. They got married in a little town hall on the Thursday and we had dinner at a local hotel after. Bride’s dress was less than £150, groom wore shorts. It was great!

That’s a relatively big age gap, has he been a married before? It does make a difference I think if it’s a second/third marriage. We planned a small wedding in Aus (where I live with my Aussie partner) inviting only close family and very select group of friends. Covid put a stop to it and we married instead in a tiny ceremony a week ago with just 2 friends as witnesses. It was hard telling extended family the first time they weren’t invited and even harder telling everyone the second time we were doing it just with a pair of witnesses. I’m sure some were hurt BUT our first child is due next week and it was important for us to be married before the birth and we didn’t think it was fair to have one side of the family there when mine couldn’t travel. We will have a party at some point probably here and back in the UK. Most people understood including my in laws who luckily had the big family wedding courtesy of his sister 2 years ago. My own mum died 10 years ago otherwise I couldn’t have got married without her but again my dad, brother and sister were very understanding.

I don't see how you could pay for food and drink for 20 people for 'a few hundred quid' as a pp said. Any sort of party with catered food, not sausage rolls and sandwiches, for 20/30 people, with any sort of venue cost or marquee hire etc is going to be 4 figures of some kind. In the end, it's your wedding of course and your money to spend as you wish but I do agree that close family might be rather hurt. If they're anything like mine they'd say it was fine but it wouldnt really be. Maybe look at costs for a 'party' rather than a wedding. If you turn up in a white dress they can't suddenly up the price.

@Newmum29

That’s a relatively big age gap, has he been a married before? It does make a difference I think if it’s a second/third marriage. We planned a small wedding in Aus (where I live with my Aussie partner) inviting only close family and very select group of friends. Covid put a stop to it and we married instead in a tiny ceremony a week ago with just 2 friends as witnesses. It was hard telling extended family the first time they weren’t invited and even harder telling everyone the second time we were doing it just with a pair of witnesses. I’m sure some were hurt BUT our first child is due next week and it was important for us to be married before the birth and we didn’t think it was fair to have one side of the family there when mine couldn’t travel. We will have a party at some point probably here and back in the UK. Most people understood including my in laws who luckily had the big family wedding courtesy of his sister 2 years ago. My own mum died 10 years ago otherwise I couldn’t have got married without her but again my dad, brother and sister were very understanding.

Congratulations!

No he hasn't married before

[quote Sunbird24]@weddingwonders we didn’t mind as we also got a week’s holiday. They found a lovely secluded self-catering Airbnb type place with a pool, the ladies all set off on the Eurostar on the Saturday and got the train through the Alps, staying overnight in Zurich, and the mens flew out to Italy on the Sunday and picked us up at the station with the hire cars. They got married in a little town hall on the Thursday and we had dinner at a local hotel after. Bride’s dress was less than £150, groom wore shorts. It was great![/quote]
That sounds glorious! I've already picked out a dress from reformation.

I reckon my friends will drag me out though to go to a proper bridal store at least once to try things on!

@HugeAckmansWife You're right, catering is so expensive! I have looked into the party idea and the difference in price is significant!

I'm on your Mum's side - my daughter is married and that day ( and the preparation ) was so special to both of us . I bought her wedding dress and did a lot of the prep because they were coming from elsewhere to get married. It was magical.

Having said that, you could certainly do something small and intimate instead of the big wedding . In your shoes I'd get married in a register office with just my family there, and have a dinner afterwards . Rather than do a dinner after you get home. I think the "party after you get back home" can be a real fizzer since you're already married and it just falls flat. Doing a small wedding and a dinner on the day, makes your family feel left out and it doesn't seem that you'd want that.

I wouldn't do the dress thing if you're absolutely not going to buy. It's not fair on the shop and they'll catch on you're not serious. Also, what if you do find 'the dress' and can't afford it and dislike the one you've chosen. Let your friends do whatever for the Hen but this is your wedding, not their chance to pretend they're in a chick flick.

Sorry typo, I meant "doing a small wedding and a dinner on the day, would stop your family from feeling left out "

We had our ceremony in the registry office, and then afternoon tea in a hotel for lunch for 30 people, and definitely didn’t pay £2k! We didn’t have a photographer or specific wedding cake though. We had our closet family and friends, it was lovely.
We had some friends who stayed after the afternoon tea finished and asked if we wanted to go out for dinner after some drinks. So we went to a nearby pub for dinner.

Your choice of course. I would be so sad not to be at my daughter’s wedding. We have loved her, supported her and are so proud of her and the way she conducts her life. To be excluded from her wedding would be unthinkable.

A marriage is about you and your stbdh, the wedding is about everyone else.

2k is a lot of money to spend on friends who want to be bridesmaids

Do what you want to do. If you really feel the need, have a party for everyone when you get home.

My first wedding was in St Lucia, just me and my dh and our dp, it was a shame my exdh turned out to be such an arse as we had a fabulous wedding

We got married on our own but in the UK (Lake District, not a registry office.
It was delightful and no regrets here. Family got over it! There was a bit of upset but it’s what we wanted.

I don't think you owe anyone a wedding experience if you don't want one. As long as you aren't expecting your guests to do something unreasonable then I agree it's your day and up to you.

There’s a lot of options between “expensive massive wedding in the UK” and “wedding abroad with zero people”. You could pop down the registry office with just close family and friends; then take them all back to your place for a BBQ/buffet. It’s what my brother did for his “COVID wedding” last year - not at all what they’d originally planned but it was still an absolutely lovely day. Then you could still go off for a fabulous holiday but without any of the guilt of “leaving people out”.

What's your budget for wedding moon abroad? If you're thinking Caribbean £2k won't go far. Barbados has some beautiful hotels and beaches but there are definitely grotty ones.

Weddings have become ludicrous nowadays sadly. I’m totally relaxed about what my boys want to do when the time comes, I just really hope they don’t end up with a bridezilla who thinks it’s sensible to piss £20k of their savings up the wall on a wedding .

Thats what I worry about, I really don't want my parents to feel left out but we just wouldn't have the wedding we would like if we did it in the uk simply due to cost. It seems easier to us to instead improvise with a dream holiday and have a ceremony abroad included in the price.

OP what do you want from a wedding? When you imagine it has the actual wedding always included family? Is it just the two of you? What about OH family?

A meal/‘gathering’ afterwards would also be costly, so wouldn’t promise people that unless you can fund it.

We wanted to get married abroad, alone, but it would’ve really upset my mum!

That sounds amazing, I would have loved to do that. However, when we got married it really felt like an amazing chance for all our family to get together to celebrate. We are spread across the UK and only really get together for weddings and funerals. I felt like it was about more than me. On the day, having all my extended family in one place was so much more than a fancy holiday would have been.

Do it. Be selfish. Your day! Weddings are basically a glorified meal with a few speech. Marriage, however, the ceremony, isn't. Focus on the actual ceremony, everything else is gravy.

Go for it! It's your wedding, so you do what you want to do. So many people spend a ridiculous amount on one day - I think it sounds lovely to have a 'weddingmoon' instead. It's great that you are discussing it with your mother, and I hope she is happy for you.

I would be gutted if my children would rather have a holiday than have me at their wedding.
A registry office costs very little and then you could still go away after.