To choose to do this instead of a 'normal wedding'

[weddingwonders]

My partner and I have been together for nearly 4 years now and are looking into planning a potential wedding for next year (We have already agreed to go ring shopping when the shops open).

I'm so shocked at the price of bloody wedding packages! A sub par location where we are (south east) would cost over £2k with no frills just for a small intimate wedding (30 people).

We've decided we would rather take the 2k and spend it on a 'weddingmoon' and just get married abroad simply with us only.

My friends are a bit put out as I'm the first to be in the wedding territory and they wanted to be bridesmaids etc but my partner and I just can't understand how we can happily spend £2k on one day in comparison to a lovely week/s abroad!

@Antiqueanniesmagiclanternshow

I have adult children that i have a good relationship with. I would be devastated to not be at their weddings. Heartbroken.

A registry office wedding cost very, very little. Do the legal ceremony with your parents, and siblings and then have your lovely holiday where you could have a blessing if you wanted.

I have a good relationships with my parents. Their presence, or lack of, at what is essentially a legal exercise, makes no difference to that. For me it's no different to having an audience for paying my council tax.

Dh and I got married on the small island where his gran and great aunt lived, with them as witnesses. A couple of weeks before we relented and also invited our mothers (both fathers dead). We had a really chilled time despite all sorts of mishaps on the way and we'd highly recommend doing what is right for the pair of you. My mother would have been relaxed about not being there, particularly after so many of her friends paid out for huge weddings for their kids only to find the marriage petering out long before all the bills were paid) but MIL admitted she would have cut us off if we hadn't invited her. Probably outing, but because we hadn't originally intended them to be there, the cottage we were staying in only had two bedrooms. A double downstairs, and three single beds in a big

@BoJoHoNo

I'm liking the idea of simple registry office and drinks/cake in my parents garden, that would be reasonable, then go on our holiday straight after and take more wedding photos there dressed up just the two of us.

This sounds perfect! I'd avoid discussing the wedding much with the friends who are trying to steer your plans in a direction you don't want to go. Good luck with whatever you choose .

Thank you! (Also love your name )

Posted too soon. In a big room upstairs. Mil announced that she couldn't possibly climb up and down stairs so she was having the double room. So dh and I spent our wedding night chastely in separate beds sharing a room with my mother. (to be fair to my mum, as soon as she realised, she offered to pay for a room in the only hotel on the island either for us or for her). Dh and I laughed ourselves into stitches privately-probably one reason why our marriage has lasted so well

We got married in Kenya and honeymooned on safari in Tanzania. It was amazing and as I hated my in laws and my parents didn't like big do's it was the perfect solution.

@BoJoHoNo that's exactly how dh and I feel. Both very uncomfortable being the centre of attention. We found saying our vows really uncomfortable even with just 6people in the room.

@Rukaya

No, that's called people-pleasing, and many people confuse it with 'normal human interaction

No it isn't. I play Lego with my son even when its the dullest thing ever. I pretend my daughters tea party could not be more fun. I have my mother in law over for dinner and feign interest in her chatter.
It IS normal human interaction to do things with and for other people that you don't really want to do.

Unless you're a selfish cunt.

A wedding is a personal event about a couple's commitment to one another. It makes no sense for a couple to spend lots of money doing something they don't want to just in case some family and friends may be offended. People have had/will have their opportunity to have the wedding they want how they want it. It's important to have boundaries - you presumably wouldn't let your Mum/uncle/best friend dictate personal matters like how you should give birth for example. That wouldn't fall under the umbrella of 'normal human interaction' for most people.

We did exactly this. Never regretted it for one instant. In the end, it's just a wedding. It's surprising the pressure friends and family can exert when they often want you to do things exactly the way they think they should be done. (Which would usually result in a identikit wedding that's exactly the same as everyone else's). Your day is about what you want.

It's a great time with COVID etc to break that expectation. Congratulations on your engagement and I hope you have a lovely wedding. The people who mind don't matter, and the people who matter won't mind!

It basically depends how you see a wedding.

If you see it purely as a private matter between the two of you then it makes sense to celebrate by essentially having a nice holiday

Traditionally that's actually not what a wedding was. It was a public declaration of your commitment to one another and an ask that your friends and family support you in that commitment. You are asking them to celebrate with you and to support you in the future so you throw them a party. You are spending the money on other people and not entirely on yourselves. The comparison with a holiday therefore doesn't really hold up. Obviously 2,000 between 2 people buys more luxury then 2000 between 30.

So if you just want a nice holiday to celebrate your relationship privately then do that. I don't think you should expect wedding gifts or any contributions in that scenario but as long as you don't that's fine.

I had a super quick wedding at the registry office with 2 friends, had tea and cake in a local cafe and spent nearly 4 weeks in Ireland and Scotland. Don't regret it at all, lots of people were put out but I couldn't give less of a crap.

It is your day and your money so you should be able to do what you like.

Just be prepared for the fallout - you'll know your friends and family best.

I have been to some fab weddings where the couple have got married in a registry office and then had a 'do' at a village hall with a buffet - people brought food and cakes, and using spotify for the playlist.

I guess you really need to decide how big or small an event you want it to be - you don't have to spend loads.

If you do decide to go abroad and get married out there, just be prepared that some people won't be able to come. My sister got married in Canada over Christmas and was disappointed that not many of her friends could attend - it was bloody expensive to get there and people may want to spend that time of year at home!!!

I'm sure you've already realised this, but there are certain steps you need to take to ensure your overseas marriage is legally recognised in the UK as well raydensolicitors.co.uk/blog/are-marriages-abroad-recognised-in-the-uk/ - just in case that helps you make a decision!

Some of the nicest weddings I've been to have been the simplest - registry office or church followed by

1. barbecue in the couple's garden with music on the stereo (yeah, I'm old)
2. shindig in the local scout hut that we'd decorated the night before - this was probably the most expensive because it had the most people attending, and had required a trip to Calais to get the booze!
3. meal at a local restaurant that we paid for ourselves - the bride was in a vintage cream 1920s dress and looked fabulous!

I hope you can work out a way to do it the way you want without it costing too much.

@Rukaya

No, that's called people-pleasing, and many people confuse it with 'normal human interaction

No it isn't. I play Lego with my son even when its the dullest thing ever. I pretend my daughters tea party could not be more fun. I have my mother in law over for dinner and feign interest in her chatter.
It IS normal human interaction to do things with and for other people that you don't really want to do.

Unless you're a selfish cunt.

Can you not see the difference between joining in children's play for a few minutes, which is part and parcel of ordinary parenting, and having a wedding you don't want in case someone is upset you didn't invite them?

@MarieIVanArkleStinks

We did exactly this. Never regretted it for one instant. In the end, it's just a wedding. It's surprising the pressure friends and family can exert when they often want you to do things exactly the way they think they should be done. (Which would usually result in a identikit wedding that's exactly the same as everyone else's). Your day is about what you want.

It's a great time with COVID etc to break that expectation. Congratulations on your engagement and I hope you have a lovely wedding. The people who mind don't matter, and the people who matter won't mind!

Thank you! So glad it worked out well for you! I'm not technically engaged yet We're going ring shopping once the shops open then he's going to pick a surprise moment to propose.

Unless you're a selfish cunt.

Please stop trotting out that old chestnut. It's really tiresome.

£400 for a dress is doable. I actually wish I’d stuck to my guns. I didn’t want an expensive one-day dress. I bought one after everyone insisted I spoil myself (I buy nice clothes for myself I can re-wear anyway for work mainly that I get a lot of pride and joy and out of so this made no sense). I spent £1200 on a dress I couldn’t wear because I was 8 months pregnant by the time we could get down an aisle with covid and have this bloody albatross hanging at my in laws. I never felt it was “the one”, I tried on about 30 and felt silly in most. In the end I got married in an asos dress which I did really like which cost £200. If you would consider something second hand (many aren’t even worn) get on Stillwhite.

@Newmum29

£400 for a dress is doable. I actually wish I’d stuck to my guns. I didn’t want an expensive one-day dress. I bought one after everyone insisted I spoil myself (I buy nice clothes for myself I can re-wear anyway for work mainly that I get a lot of pride and joy and out of so this made no sense). I spent £1200 on a dress I couldn’t wear because I was 8 months pregnant by the time we could get down an aisle with covid and have this bloody albatross hanging at my in laws. I never felt it was “the one”, I tried on about 30 and felt silly in most. In the end I got married in an asos dress which I did really like which cost £200. If you would consider something second hand (many aren’t even worn) get on Stillwhite.

I don't want a proper wedding dress either- more of a nice evening dress that's white/cream, maybe silky

We have made our decision and chosen company to book with (still choosing between Mauritius, Barbados and Mexico as we've upped our budget a tad

7 nights, all inclusive.

Ceremony on the beach (a lot of hotels include them for free when you book for 7 nights).

Legal marriage license at local registry office- parents invited to witness- £300 max.

I'm so excited!

We are not officially telling anyone until I have my ring though- my partner also said the quicker we book it, the less time anyone has to try and stop us or guilt us

Just do it in secret, your way. Don’t get tempted to tell anyone until you get back and invite them to a gathering.
Many congratulations!

My mum came from a generation where her parents organised the entire wedding and it was very much about their ideas and their guests. So she saw our weddings as her time to get to plan a wedding so it's understandable why her generation were upset by couples making their own choices.

Might not be your thing, but I always think Accessorise have nice evening dresses that would double as wedding dresses.

@ThumbWitchesAbroad

Might not be your thing, but I always think Accessorise have nice evening dresses that would double as wedding dresses.

Oooh thank you! I'll have a look

You don't owe your friends a wedding. Do what's right for you.

Doing things to please others is okay in moderation, but no-one should be paying for an expensive wedding if they'd be happier doing it a different way.

Totally depends on your style but o loved these 4:

www.asos.com/au/asos-edition/asos-edition-cari-satin-wrap-wedding-dress-with-kimono-sleeve/prd/22239382?colourwayid=60383892&SearchQuery=wedding%20dress

www.asos.com/au/asos-edition/asos-edition-ruched-halter-neck-maxi-wedding-dress/prd/10933664?colourwayid=16294545&SearchQuery=wedding%20dress

www.asos.com/au/asos-edition/asos-edition-beatrice-bardot-drape-wrap-wedding-dress/prd/14117048?colourwayid=16592722&SearchQuery=wedding%20dress

www.asos.com/au/ghost/ghost-london-bridal-satin-maxi-gown-in-ivory/prd/21811329?colourwayid=60301198&SearchQuery=wedding%20dress