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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To expect a child of three with ASD to sit nicely at the table?

225 replies

Damnrightwrong · 15/03/2021 07:46

Is it unreasonable and/or unrealistic to expect an an autistic three year old to sit nicely at the table at dinner time?

YABU - expecting too much of the child
YANBU - they should be able to sit nicely, regardless of a disability

OP posts:
ChardonnaysPetDragon · 15/03/2021 07:48

I think it might be too much to expect of any 3yo.

ChardonnaysPetDragon · 15/03/2021 07:48

Oh sorry, clicked YANBU by mistake.

janlevinson · 15/03/2021 07:49

Is this a reverse? YABVVU

AdditionalCharacter · 15/03/2021 07:49

I usually don't comment on posts where you've had to explain the YABU/YANBU options like we are idiots, but...

YA massively BU. Do you understand anything about ASD? A child with ASD is not misbehaving on purpose, they often cannot handle rules that are standard to others. I don't know many 3 year old children who would sit nicely at a table for any length of time, let alone one with ASD.

DimidDavilby · 15/03/2021 07:50

Reverse

TheGumption · 15/03/2021 07:50

YABU. My NT three year old struggles with sitting sensibly at the dinner table. It's a work in progress.

SecondBabyGirl · 15/03/2021 07:50

I hope this is a reverse.

If not then Biscuit

KindKylie · 15/03/2021 07:50

Utterly unrealistic. I have enough trouble with my NT crowd and they're all at school.

Lougle · 15/03/2021 07:51

All I can say is 'Hahaha'.

Psychobobble · 15/03/2021 07:51

Not every autistic child is the same, but I assume the autism presentation is not subtle since they are diagnosed at age 3. Very few typical 3 year olds sit nicely for a meal. So YABU both ways.

Damnrightwrong · 15/03/2021 07:51

To clarify I'm very firmly in the "It's unreasonable" camp, it's not me with the expectations.

OP posts:
WhateverHappenedToFayWray · 15/03/2021 07:52

What the fuck?

WhateverHappenedToFayWray · 15/03/2021 07:52

X post

statetrooperstacey · 15/03/2021 07:53

No such thing

PurpleDaisies · 15/03/2021 07:53

What does “sitting nicely” actually mean and for how long?

Children with autism aren’t all the same.

This is a reverse, right?

Camomila · 15/03/2021 07:53

I think it depends on the child, everyone with ASD is different.
Not all NT children can sit nicely at a table either.

statetrooperstacey · 15/03/2021 07:53

Mistake wrong post 🙄

AdditionalCharacter · 15/03/2021 07:53

So you ask if you're being unreasonable to expect them to sit, and then say you're not expecting them to. Right Hmm

x2boys · 15/03/2021 07:53

My severely autistic ten year old won't sit nicely Hmm

PurpleDaisies · 15/03/2021 07:54

@Damnrightwrong

To clarify I'm very firmly in the "It's unreasonable" camp, it's not me with the expectations.
So who is it and what exactly do they expect?
Damnrightwrong · 15/03/2021 07:54

See above, it's not me with the expectations. I think it's wholly unreasonable and realistic.

Sitting nicely translates to not messing about at the table, not getting up to wander off.

OP posts:
ineedaholidaynow · 15/03/2021 07:54

Who has the expectation?

vodkaredbullgirl · 15/03/2021 07:54
Confused
Damnrightwrong · 15/03/2021 07:55

@AdditionalCharacter

So you ask if you're being unreasonable to expect them to sit, and then say you're not expecting them to. Right Hmm
Because somebody else has a problem with him not sitting nicely at the table.

I wanted to see whether other people think it's reasonable or not.

God knows where the sarcasm and cutting tones are coming from. Christ.

OP posts:
GalesThisMorning · 15/03/2021 07:55

My NT 4 year old will not always sit nicely at the table. My friends autistic 5 year old cannot, and of course no one expects him to