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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to think this isn't normal? Really intense celeb crush

371 replies

CrumpetCity · 28/02/2021 16:11

I've been on here for years but name-changed as I'm so embarrassed Blush

To give a bit of context I'm 36, married with a two year old and a six year old and have a busy, stressful full time job that has been made more difficult by the pandemic. I had bad PND and anxiety after DC2 and have mostly recovered but still have my moments. I am also peri-menopausal, not sure if that's relevant but I suppose it might be.

I feel so ridiculous even writing this but over the past couple of months or so I have developed a very intense crush on a particular celebrity and I'm worried it's gotten out of hand.

It started after I had a very vivid sexual dream about them. Prior to that I'd always liked this person's work and thought they seemed nice but not thought about them in 'that' way. But I found myself thinking about this dream whenever I needed a bit of (ahem) 'me time'. I know this isn't unusual in itself but over time I then started day-dreaming about this person too, imagining scenarios in my head involving us meeting and embarking on some sort of passionate love affair. I've been spending too much time looking at their photos and content online, YouTube clips of them etc which is the sort of thing I'd expect from a teenager not a grown woman who is normally quite sensible! This is incredibly embarrassing to admit, but I've even found myself occasionally choosing my outfits based on what I imagine they might like and listening to music I think they might be into (although this does align very closely with my own tastes anyway) which I know is beyond ridiculous.

The fantasy day-dream scenarios are happening daily and have become increasingly detailed. In them I am always single, child-free, enjoying a creative and fulfilling career that is lucrative but also somehow affords me bags of free time and living in a small but beautifully decorated flat (which I could describe in detail at this point!) with no stair-gates, laundry and plastic toys everywhere. This is a far cry from my real day to day life which, although I know I'm lucky in many ways, I confess to having felt somewhat trapped by recently especially with lockdown and everything. I think this started out as a bit of escapism but I'm worried it's making me more dissatisfied with my real life.

To be clear, I know none of this is real. I would never dream of actually trying to contact this person, nor am I operating under some delusional belief that we have a 'connection' or anything! I also know that if our paths crossed in real life (which is vanishingly unlikely) they would not look twice at me, although I used to turn heads when I was younger. Maybe that's part of it, struggling with the fact that those years are behind me and I'm just a frumpy Mum.

Has anyone else ever felt like this or am I the only one? More importantly, how the hell do I make it stop?? I know the obvious solution seems to be "just stop thinking about him" but I've tried that!

OP posts:
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CrumpetCity · 01/03/2021 13:43

Are you going to tell us who it is? If not, is it because everyone in you life knows you like this man, and have been very vocal about it, and will recognise you?

No, I hadn't even thought of that! I just didn't want to say because I'm so embarrassed by the whole thing but now you mention it there are definitely a couple of people IRL who know I've been a fan of this persons work (because it's a common interest) who could conceivably be on here as they're also Mum's with young kids. If they put two and two together from other details I've shared about my life I would be mortified so nope! Not telling.

On a positive note, this thread has given me some new options for daydreaming that I am hoping might help me to wean myself off my current obsession. David Tennant and James Acaster are definitely possible candidates. Surely it's got to be healthier to fantasise about multiple people than to obsess over the same person all the time?

OP posts:
the80sweregreat · 01/03/2021 13:54

I do feel that most people live in a fantasy would , be it a crush on someone or being a different person altogether or what you would do if you won the lottery even if you had chosen a different path in life. I know someone who daydreams about living abroad and running her own business there. She never gives up on her dreams. I tend to wonder what I'd do with oodles of cash , but I know it'll never happen.
No harm in dreaming. It's when you become a stalker or something a bit more sinister , then you worry! I'm sure your fine op.

slashlover · 01/03/2021 14:01

I can relate. I also have a very successful career as an artist, have my own personal wealth so live in a very large, beautifully modernised Georgian apartment.

When I win millions on the lottery, I am going to buy a huge house with lots of land and start a cat sanctuary for elderly cats. I saw a segment about one on This Morning years ago, the showed a massive room with a fireplace and lots of cat trees, cat beds, comfy couches and the cats could just spend their last years getting spoiled rotten. I think it was mostly cats where the owners had died and not many people were willing to adopt a 17 year old cat etc.

The Supervet will also be involved somehow because I love him.

Thurlow · 01/03/2021 14:10

God, if this is bad then I'm screwed!

I live my entire life in my head some days. I'm currently painting, have some Latin American music on, and am thoroughly enjoying a day dream whereby I'm a gorgeous aid worker in Columbia and am at a nightclub where I have met a super hot soldier who looks like Oscar Isaac in Triple Frontier.

I'm happily married with two kids!

It's escapism, and it's nice. Nothing wrong with it at all.

FooFighter99 · 01/03/2021 14:26

Is it Greg Davies?

Admit it, it's Greg Davies isn't it Wink

Meowchickameowmeow · 01/03/2021 14:30

I'm blaming this thread for the fact that I had a sex dream about David Spade last night Confused I won't be fantasising any further about that!

ArcheryAnnie · 01/03/2021 14:30

You say you are perimenopausal (though you are pretty young for it), and all I can say is that the whole menopause process plays merry hell with your libido.

Enjoy your crush! Enjoy your daydreams!

LivingForPinkGin · 01/03/2021 14:35

I feel this way about David Mitchell. Cant stop watching would I lie to you! Haha. Only when he has a beard though.

Icantreachthepretzels · 01/03/2021 15:07

I 'fell in love' with someone when I was 17 like only a 17 year old can ... and the fucker only went and died on me! So then I was a grieving widow - natch... and eventually met a real boy and moved on.

The real boy is long gone now, other pretenders to my heart have come and gone, and then I rediscovered my first love in 2016 - and he was just as perfect as he was back then. This is for the long haul, I don't see him being toppled from his place again ... he's still dead though. And would now be middle aged if still alive.

so... I did what any normal person would do and created a fantasy boyfriend that looks exactly like him but isn't him and is still alive and closer to my age and is just the most flawless, wonderful man the world has ever known.

I swapped out his Irish accent to make him sound like Sean Bean though. Real man was a bit high pitched and lilty for my tastes, fantasy man sounds like a melting chocolate digestive being dipped in yorkshire tea.

We live many fantasy lives together across time and alternate worlds, but our 'real' life together is a post lottery win life in a self build home I could build tomorrow I've planned it in so much detail. We run Buffy the Vampire slayer and X files podcasts and have such witty and insightful things to say ... and then go on the most amazing holidays. And at some point we travel around Asia for a few years. We never have children.

I'm shocked at people making themselves younger in their fantasies though Shock that's just cheating. I'm only allowed to be younger if we met and fell when we were young but were then tragically separated for twenty years and now we've met up again. I can play the backstory in my head but it is very definitely backstory even in my fantasies.

I have a Tudor one where we fell in love as teenagers but I was the daughter of someone rich and important and he was the stable boy so I was sent off to a nunnery and he was sent to be a layman at a monastery. But now it's 20 years later, the reformation has happened, the monasteries have been dissolved and we're free to be together again... and I had climbed high enough in the convent that I was given a stipend when the abbey shut down so we don't have to worry about money.

Or sometimes I'm a vestal virgin and we're so terribly in love but can't be together until I'm done vestaling - I'm (in real life) coming up on the age when I'd be done (if i was a vestal virgin - which obviously I'm not), so in a few years we can finally get to the good stuff. But the longing and secret lingering glances has served us very well so far.

It's all in good fun - the real world is so terribly boring in comparison, all linear and always the 21st century and never any super powers and money worries are real. No one needs that shit.

TiredUselessHopeless · 01/03/2021 15:19

I have always had this! Makes the world go round. Unfortunately DH becomes very jealous and makes me feel a bit like a creepy weirdo so I’ve adapted to internalise it.

My confession is now that for the first time since I met DH 20 years ago, I’ve developed a bit of a crush on someone I know in RL and because I’m a master of keeping everything so well hidden, it’s become wildly exciting!! Grin

Cheap thrills are what keeps me going when life is a bit shit.

AIice · 01/03/2021 15:47

I think that it can sometimes leave you dissatisfied with real life, OP. I try to distract and reduce the amount of time when this happens.
I've done this for years, since early teenage years, and judging by the many threads on here it seems to be quite normal. In saying that I've never told anybody in real life, not even my husband. I find that I do this less when busy, but it has increased again during lockdown.

I've also found it useful for creative writing, and know of others who have done the same. I have different time periods and scenarios, and the details have to be accurate. I check!

I think my earliest crushes (which can last years) were Mark Wahlberg and someone from Grange Hill! [blush ]

CrumpetCity · 01/03/2021 16:05

My confession is now that for the first time since I met DH 20 years ago, I’ve developed a bit of a crush on someone I know in RL and because I’m a master of keeping everything so well hidden, it’s become wildly exciting!! grin

I can totally understand developing a crush on a real life acquaintance or someone at work, and I think I'd prefer that in a way. It feels less silly and teenagery somehow than fixating on someone you've never even met! Also a lot easier to get lost in your idealised, rose-tinted version of a 'celebrity' crush because you never meet them so no opportunity for your fantasy illusions of them to be shattered. If it was someone I know IRL I'm sure they'd do something to irritate me eventually and it would take the shine off of it.

OP posts:
Holothane · 01/03/2021 16:54

Been writing fanfic for 25 years well I stopped but love the stories, I’m 12th doctors wife, or his companion. There’s Star Wars ones, no nothing wrong with a bit of dreaming, Die Hard😊🔥🔥 has a very different script.

xMarksTheSpotlight · 01/03/2021 18:05

Icantreachthepretzels that post was fantastic. Love the details.

Feel quite embarrassed that my only fantasy career change (aside from lottery wins batch) is becoming an MP.

xMarksTheSpotlight · 01/03/2021 18:08

Actually that's not true. I have gone on tour with bands selling t-shirts and carrying guitars.
Still nothing on vestial virgins.

CrumpetCity · 01/03/2021 18:12

You say you are perimenopausal (though you are pretty young for it), and all I can say is that the whole menopause process plays merry hell with your libido.

My libido has been very up and down for the last year. I never used to understand when other women said they could tell when they're ovulating, but now I have a pretty good idea because a few days a month I can't think about anything but sex! Too tired to actually do anything other than think about it most of the time though due to how life is at the moment, which may also be partly responsible for me retreating into this fantasy.

OP posts:
Roszie · 01/03/2021 20:28

Who is it?

If it's Tommy Shelby you can back off (not Cillian. I only like him as Tommy)

CatAndHisKit · 01/03/2021 21:03

Must be tv presenter then ("a common interest")?
Surely OP you could tell us this much!

CatAndHisKit · 01/03/2021 21:15

Roszie I'm feeding your fantasy, as a proud owner the portrait. Great image, isn't it!

KnitFastDieWarm · 01/03/2021 21:38

@Roszie

Who is it?

If it's Tommy Shelby you can back off (not Cillian. I only like him as Tommy)

Me too! Cillian Murphy does nothing for me (although i’m sure he’s lovely) but Tommy Shelby on the other hand....Wink
Wandawomble · 01/03/2021 21:47

@MajorMujer

I've had a mega crush on Harrison Ford for over 30 years, ir ebbs and wains but is a lovely distracting daydream when I'm dog walking. I DO think that its linked to hormones as it used to be worse before a period & now I'm in peri menopause. Enjoy it !
You need to watch Hanover Street with Harry in. Rubbish film yet somehow wonderful. The music is by John Barry.
MajorMujer · 01/03/2021 21:49

In fact one of the effects of clinical depression was that I no longer had the ability to daydream.

MajorMujer · 01/03/2021 21:51

Ooh thanks @wandawomble , I'm off to google that now Grin

User1511 · 01/03/2021 21:53

Oh yes I’ve done that OP. Not very often these days but sometimes before I go to sleep I think of us accidentally meeting on a plane. Weird I know. I just imagine us first class, sitting at the bar, and getting talking.

I don’t think there’s anything wrong with it, it doesn’t take over my life and I’m very happy with my husband. It won’t last. At its worst I’d disappear off to daydream land for a couple of weeks. Life takes over x

CaffeineAndCrochet · 01/03/2021 21:57

DH and I were talking about Robert Downey Jr at dinner and I suddenly remembered how much I'd loved him as Larry in Ally McBeal and I completely checked out of the conversation because I was remembering him playing the piano and singing 'River'. It was like being in a TV show with the wavy flashback thing.

My current crush is Gillian Anderson. We're watching 'The Fall' and I'm obsessed with her.