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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to think this isn't normal? Really intense celeb crush

371 replies

CrumpetCity · 28/02/2021 16:11

I've been on here for years but name-changed as I'm so embarrassed Blush

To give a bit of context I'm 36, married with a two year old and a six year old and have a busy, stressful full time job that has been made more difficult by the pandemic. I had bad PND and anxiety after DC2 and have mostly recovered but still have my moments. I am also peri-menopausal, not sure if that's relevant but I suppose it might be.

I feel so ridiculous even writing this but over the past couple of months or so I have developed a very intense crush on a particular celebrity and I'm worried it's gotten out of hand.

It started after I had a very vivid sexual dream about them. Prior to that I'd always liked this person's work and thought they seemed nice but not thought about them in 'that' way. But I found myself thinking about this dream whenever I needed a bit of (ahem) 'me time'. I know this isn't unusual in itself but over time I then started day-dreaming about this person too, imagining scenarios in my head involving us meeting and embarking on some sort of passionate love affair. I've been spending too much time looking at their photos and content online, YouTube clips of them etc which is the sort of thing I'd expect from a teenager not a grown woman who is normally quite sensible! This is incredibly embarrassing to admit, but I've even found myself occasionally choosing my outfits based on what I imagine they might like and listening to music I think they might be into (although this does align very closely with my own tastes anyway) which I know is beyond ridiculous.

The fantasy day-dream scenarios are happening daily and have become increasingly detailed. In them I am always single, child-free, enjoying a creative and fulfilling career that is lucrative but also somehow affords me bags of free time and living in a small but beautifully decorated flat (which I could describe in detail at this point!) with no stair-gates, laundry and plastic toys everywhere. This is a far cry from my real day to day life which, although I know I'm lucky in many ways, I confess to having felt somewhat trapped by recently especially with lockdown and everything. I think this started out as a bit of escapism but I'm worried it's making me more dissatisfied with my real life.

To be clear, I know none of this is real. I would never dream of actually trying to contact this person, nor am I operating under some delusional belief that we have a 'connection' or anything! I also know that if our paths crossed in real life (which is vanishingly unlikely) they would not look twice at me, although I used to turn heads when I was younger. Maybe that's part of it, struggling with the fact that those years are behind me and I'm just a frumpy Mum.

Has anyone else ever felt like this or am I the only one? More importantly, how the hell do I make it stop?? I know the obvious solution seems to be "just stop thinking about him" but I've tried that!

OP posts:
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FirstladyKirkman · 01/03/2021 22:01

Normal.

As per my username Kiefer Sutherland often takes me roughly over the resolute desk in the Oval Office!!! 😂😂😂

DavidsSchitt · 01/03/2021 22:02

"There must be a million women like this with Cillian Murphy"

Ewwwwww, David 🤢

OP why NC if you won't say? Seriously, nobody is going to know it's you

Theromanempire · 01/03/2021 22:14

I have always done this...it comes and goes but never linked it with hormone changes or anything.

Currently in a very strong daydreaming phase about a particular celebrity - he has definitely taken over my thoughts and I have already sorted our song for our first dance at our wedding even though we have only had one date so far (the song featured in our first date and totally fits the storyline Grin)

I am a private person and I love having this part of me that nobody knows about Smile

The first time I remember doing it was when I was about 14 and I 'met' Jordan Knight while on holiday in Majorca (very random) and we fell madly in love. I actually wrote that one out Grin - obviously it was pre-computers so I had to actually write it out in a pad Confused

Holothane · 01/03/2021 22:26

Just watched Peter Capaldi as the dr sweet dreams for me tonight I don’t feel guilty at all dh takes the something rotten we have many a laugh about.

Idontbelieveit12 · 01/03/2021 22:30

I’ve got a thing for the Supervet Blush I think he’s about 20 years older than me Grin

8090sTv · 01/03/2021 22:32

Hi Op I had something like this where I developed a very specific obsession (which did involve vast amounts of time spent online) (to do with style and beauty) and actually ended up seeing a counsellor. You mentioned feeling frustrated, I noticed I was getting irritated after and my complete ability to lose time was a concern, it was getting in the way of other things I wanted.

Seeing the counsellor was triggered by something else but when asked which of my issues I wanted to start with, I was like absolutely this is the priority.

Basically I think it was lockdown blues and serving a sort of distraction purpose away from boredom and facing transition. The good news is it's possible to get a handle and I did it in a few weeks. Here was how I ended up doing it with my counsellor
-have a think about why
-opt for an encouraging, come on you can do this narrative rather than self flagulation
-remove temptations - delete sites, blocking apps
-positive replacement activities
-put in place some rules
-work out triggers
-work out supportive ways to meet those needs instead
-work towards other goals

I probably took a few steps each week and was making it up entirely myself as I went along- I think this was key, the counsellor had some suggestions but all the initial steps came from me. I was motivated to change and it sounds like you are so harness that and soon you will come out the other side where it's not got a grip on you :) I definitely had wobble days of going
back but I kind of realised what I got from it was not that fulfilling and not worth the comedown (hilarious I know it sounds like an addiction). It was like low dopamine food. I know it was self image for me as I recently had some health things. Still working on that but I'm in a much better place. If any of that remotely helps x

TakemedowntoPotatoCity · 01/03/2021 22:34

Cut yourself some slack op. If you stop thinking of it as 'abnormal' and just enjoy the fantasy then I think it won't seem so intrusive. You are married with kids, so have clearly been able to develop relationships and function in the read world! And with covid and everything, fantasies take us out of our daily slog right now.
If it's any consolation, I've had crushes in the past where I've looked at Rightmove to see where we would live and researched our honeymoon destinations.Blush If you're crazy then so am I .

Rach000 · 01/03/2021 22:40

I have been day dreaming about someone for the past few weeks, glad to know it is fairly common.
I feel it has helped me as been a hard year with 2 young kids and working from home. Really busy at work and a lot of pressure. I have been stressed and anxious so helps me forget for a bit and focus on something else.

ExtraOnions · 01/03/2021 22:43

[quote Notanotherhun]@ExtraOnions - what is it about him? Blush[/quote]
It’s a few things ... I mean the size of him, he’s such a unit, he could bang you round the house. Also very funny, and intelligent,

You could imagine a great night out, a night if amazing sex, then he would wake you up with breakfast in bed.

Just watching an old Taskmaster, perfect before bed

I met him a couple of years ago ... pre crush ... I was on the front row, and he as very flirty from the stage.

BobbitWormNightmares · 01/03/2021 22:53

I thought I was wierd for being an adult who still has such a strong imagination so I take great comfort in our solidarity here.

When I was a tween I used to have celeb boyfriends for literally years lol.

But I'll go one further and say my daydreams aren't always romantic - although Idris Elba is usually there...

but I relive stupid things like for example, the plot of Jurassic park, but I was there? Ill think about something like that before I go to sleep. I hope I'm not alone in doing this eeek

Also, you HAVE to tell us @OP!

PassionPeach · 01/03/2021 23:32

Another one for the Greg Davies sex dream/celeb crush-fest. A month or two back I was constantly plagued with Greg sex dreams. Recently, it has been Rik Mayall. I obviously have a type. It's a bit embarrassing for me because they're both old enough to be my dad and I know they're not 'classically' good looking. But I still would.

Londonwriter · 02/03/2021 00:34

Oh, don’t worry. You could do worse.

I wrote a fantasy novel when I was 14 involving an evil warlord who looked a bit like Timothée Chalamet. When I was 27, I married a guy who looked a bit like Timothée Chalamet.

I’m now in my 40s with young kids and recently re-read the novel (which my mum kept printed out in a box). Hey, presto, I was back day dreaming about the very same evil warlord again Shock.

QuimReaper · 02/03/2021 10:00

I had no idea so many people fancied Greg Davies. In fact, I had no idea ANYONE fancied Greg Davies Grin

I'm glad to hear this is so common. I had a particularly intense run of daydreaming about 5-6 years ago. I would welcome a resurgence actually, to make lockdown more bearable. I think it must have been hormonal as others have said, but my overriding memory is of (in between giving the daydream my full focus) going around my everyday life as if I were slightly drugged, with a small percentage of my brain permanently occupied with a pleasant distraction. I would pay to induce that state if I could.

peachgreen · 02/03/2021 10:03

Greg Davies is an absolute hottie. I would let him shag me five ways to Sunday. And you know that he would.

CrumpetCity · 02/03/2021 12:34

Cut yourself some slack op. If you stop thinking of it as 'abnormal' and just enjoy the fantasy then I think it won't seem so intrusive.

I think that since having my arse well and truly kicked by PND I've started second guessing my thoughts and feelings a lot, questioning whether my thoughts are 'normal' or okay. I started this thread fully expecting to be told that I was weird.

OP posts:
PhillipPhillop · 02/03/2021 12:45

@CrumpetCity it would only be weird if it was Michael Gove or John McCrurick so don't fret, just enjoy it. Unless...

Iloveallcats007 · 02/03/2021 12:48

Oh i had very vivid dream with Harry styles.
I am not even his fan so I don't understand why him but I must admit it was pretty hot and steamy night with him.

Iloveallcats007 · 02/03/2021 12:49

I couldn't get over it fir few days.

Holothane · 02/03/2021 15:53

I’m loving rewatching my dr who especially Peters Capaldi, will be digging out other thing I’ve got him in. 🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥

ThePinkWig · 02/03/2021 18:33

I haven’t read the full thread but I actually think having crushes is incredibly common and healthy. I get periodic crushes - usually linked to ovulation. In the past it’s been Cillian Murphy (like many of us!) Ben Affleck (Eww now!) and Jake Gyllenhaal. Currently it’s Chris Evans (the Captain American one) I just adore him and spend way too much time thinking about him and creating our fantasy life. I’m also married with two DC and 40. Let me tell you when I’m in a particularly intense ‘Chris’ mood DH gets very lucky Grin

MajorMujer · 02/03/2021 19:41

@Holothane you have just reminded me that I haven't had my yearly rewatch of The Thick of It, which ignites my Malcolm Tucker / Peter Capaldi crush for a few weeks Grin

Holothane · 02/03/2021 21:51

Peter Capaldi in a suit me combusting 🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥, when I met him I hugged him and I still remember thinking lovely man I’d love time with you. He’s a true gent to all his fans especially children.

WanderinWomb · 02/03/2021 23:09

Frankly the only thing unreasonable about this is that you didn't name the crush in your opening post despite telling us you name-changed specially. 😂
Advice needed. Do I need to read the whole thread for the drip feed?

Very disappointing . Highly unreasonable .1/10

Fatandfifty49 · 02/03/2021 23:13

Sam Heughan. Got to be him

Holothane · 03/03/2021 00:05

Oh dear think I’ve got another Eric Roberts as the Master in one of the last Big Finish releases. I do love a silver fox dressed in a suit, that’s on the cover,.