Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to think this isn't normal? Really intense celeb crush

371 replies

CrumpetCity · 28/02/2021 16:11

I've been on here for years but name-changed as I'm so embarrassed Blush

To give a bit of context I'm 36, married with a two year old and a six year old and have a busy, stressful full time job that has been made more difficult by the pandemic. I had bad PND and anxiety after DC2 and have mostly recovered but still have my moments. I am also peri-menopausal, not sure if that's relevant but I suppose it might be.

I feel so ridiculous even writing this but over the past couple of months or so I have developed a very intense crush on a particular celebrity and I'm worried it's gotten out of hand.

It started after I had a very vivid sexual dream about them. Prior to that I'd always liked this person's work and thought they seemed nice but not thought about them in 'that' way. But I found myself thinking about this dream whenever I needed a bit of (ahem) 'me time'. I know this isn't unusual in itself but over time I then started day-dreaming about this person too, imagining scenarios in my head involving us meeting and embarking on some sort of passionate love affair. I've been spending too much time looking at their photos and content online, YouTube clips of them etc which is the sort of thing I'd expect from a teenager not a grown woman who is normally quite sensible! This is incredibly embarrassing to admit, but I've even found myself occasionally choosing my outfits based on what I imagine they might like and listening to music I think they might be into (although this does align very closely with my own tastes anyway) which I know is beyond ridiculous.

The fantasy day-dream scenarios are happening daily and have become increasingly detailed. In them I am always single, child-free, enjoying a creative and fulfilling career that is lucrative but also somehow affords me bags of free time and living in a small but beautifully decorated flat (which I could describe in detail at this point!) with no stair-gates, laundry and plastic toys everywhere. This is a far cry from my real day to day life which, although I know I'm lucky in many ways, I confess to having felt somewhat trapped by recently especially with lockdown and everything. I think this started out as a bit of escapism but I'm worried it's making me more dissatisfied with my real life.

To be clear, I know none of this is real. I would never dream of actually trying to contact this person, nor am I operating under some delusional belief that we have a 'connection' or anything! I also know that if our paths crossed in real life (which is vanishingly unlikely) they would not look twice at me, although I used to turn heads when I was younger. Maybe that's part of it, struggling with the fact that those years are behind me and I'm just a frumpy Mum.

Has anyone else ever felt like this or am I the only one? More importantly, how the hell do I make it stop?? I know the obvious solution seems to be "just stop thinking about him" but I've tried that!

OP posts:
Thread gallery
11
eaglejulesk · 01/03/2021 01:56

I really don't think it's that uncommon OP. As long as it doesn't interfere with your actual life and is kept as a harmless fantasy then go for it! We all need something to make us smile. By the way I'm 61 and still indulge in my fantasy world.

CatAndHisKit · 01/03/2021 02:11

OP, is he an actor... musician... sportman?

surely you could share his profession at least!

I tend to have two separate fantasies, one for passionate sexual flings and the other for more of a husband material.

For the latter I'd love Nigel Havers as my husband but NOT how he was young (never liked him in his roles), I love him now as an older but mellow, very nice and good-looking older man (and he's around 20yrs older than me) with perfect manners and good taste AND those kind, slightly melancholy eyes. And to me his voice/accent is perfect.

I also think he's not very confident, and would be keem to please, which I find attractive. He's just himself on The Bidding Room series currently. I'm single and would love a nice DH - so that explains it.

For sexual fantasies its always been singers / rock stars and an occasional actor. I used to be obsessed for a bit with Mick Jagger (older version). I also like Robert Plant but in his case - his 1970s self ONLY. There wree others to.

I do like Cillian Murphy in the role, mostly his eyes, I think he's hugely fanciable in PB as he aso acted so well - I haev an art print of him, the only male portrait in my house, but I can't imagine us together somehow, like I can do with others.

ItsDinah · 01/03/2021 02:56

Normal. As a young adult I finally realised why my granny and aunties kept taking the pre schooler me to the cinema to see films starring certain movie stars. I was aghast at their taste and deeply puzzled as to why they were so keen when they had very successful careers and marriages. I'm no longer puzzled. I think the escapism did them good. If you can just channel the fantasy to include two small children , a large quantity of plastic toys that need stored, and the progress towards a lucrative career it could be a very useful exercise in visualisation.

shiningcuckoo · 01/03/2021 03:16

Ive done this for the last 40 years! My most intense was a celeb who was dead, but that didn't stop my daydreaming. I used to get shivery just thinking about him. Still do sometimes. The sublime Michael Hutchence.

PuppyMonkeyBaby · 01/03/2021 03:47

OP, you’ve NAMECHANGED!,,

It doesn’t matter who it is, we don’t know who you are so just tell us!

WeIcomeToGilead · 01/03/2021 04:45

Hmmm yes I had this about David Tennant after a dream a few years ago.

I didn’t feed the beast and the feelings evaporated

Weirdly on MM that day somebody posted about having a lovely dream about
Him too - wierd eh!!

Mummyoflittledragon · 01/03/2021 05:19

Your crush cannot be worse than some women’s. I was on a thread a couple of weeks ago and a fair few women were swooning over Chris Whitty and even a couple for Boris - 🤢.

This sounds like escapism. You’re in lockdown with young children. Sounds fair to me.

Catflapkitkat · 01/03/2021 07:12

Give us an 'animal, mineral or vegetable' clue.

CrumpetCity · 01/03/2021 08:13

It's telling you something about your life and your relationship and you need to listen and observe carefully. what is it that is missing? What are you craving?

I think this is what's been bothering me. Unlike many posters, this isn't something I've done on and off all my life, it's new so I don't think it can be random.

I'm definitely finding life with a toddler and a 7 year old overwhelming at the moment. I love my family but I've found myself craving time alone and really missing the freedom that I had (and of course didn't appreciate at the time!) before marriage and kids. I'm also feeling a bit disconnected from DH at the moment but I suppose that's not surprising given that we're both working long hours in stressful jobs, mostly too tired for sex due to an early waking toddler and trying to juggle work with homeschooling and we haven't had any child-free time together for a year. Plus before Covid I had awful PND as I mentioned so it's really not been an easy couple of years. I love my job, I'm passionate about it, but it involves being responsible for vulnerable people and making a lot of decisions that impact their lives so the weight of that responsibility weighs heavy on me at times.

Now I've written all that down I'm realising it's hardly surprising my brain has felt the need to create a fantasy to escape to, is it? But I haven't the first idea what to do about it.

OP posts:
CrumpetCity · 01/03/2021 08:19

Give us an 'animal, mineral or vegetable' clue.

I fucking wish I fantasized about vegetables, might help me shift some of my lockdown weight!

OP posts:
Iremembertheelderlykoreanlady · 01/03/2021 08:46

Oh just tell us who it is!!!!

littlepattilou · 01/03/2021 10:40

[quote SpnBaby1967]**@Meowchickameowmeow* & @littlepattilou*

Jensen is mine, and I'd fight you for him.[/quote]
Grin

littlepattilou · 01/03/2021 10:44

@CrumpetCity Are you going to tell us who it is?

If not, is it because everyone in you life knows you like this man, and have been very vocal about it, and will recognise you?

Lelophants · 01/03/2021 11:00

This is really interesting op. I have this too but more with books or TV shows I get into (this is why I go through stages of not allowing myself to get into TV as I waste too much time!) I do love a good book daydream to help me get to sleep.

I've found im worse when not seeing other people very often. I have a toddler and I think being at home with them all the time can make your brain switch, especially if you are used to being busy and have an active, creative mind.

Do you find you're able to switch back when needed e.g. with the baby?

Also how much time do you get with your dh? Maybe start trying to focus on that and talk to him and have time together. You are going through a hard stage atm. Good to keep an eye on it.

Babyjanescar · 01/03/2021 11:59

I do exactly the same thing. I have always done it, although it used to be revisiting a social situation and imagining myself coping with it much better and impressing everyone with my amazing wit Grin. Now I have a few different sets of daydreams which I think I use to focus on and calm down at bedtime. Lockdown has been so hard, its pretty monotonous homeschooling, cleaning and looking after a 2 children all day, so I think I have invented another life to help me cope and recapture who I was before children. One involves Henry Cavill, who I dont think I even particularly like (bit smug?) even though handsome. Maybe because safe? Its never even sexual either so God knows?! Hmm

user1471461458 · 01/03/2021 12:06

I’ve got two (they’re kind of linked). I actually met one of them early last year (pre-covid) and he literally reduced me to jelly. I’ve been lucky enough to meet several of my ‘idols’ before and been fine, but this...was something else. I honestly don’t know what came over me! Fortunately he was extremely sweet and kind and is probably very used to it! Blush

I think it’s harmless escapism tbh. My husband knows and doesn’t mind. It doesn’t interfere with my everyday life and I’d never dream of crossing a line into stalking territory or anything obviously. It’s just all a bit embarrassing really!

youvegottenminuteslynn · 01/03/2021 12:12

I've also accepted many an award and been fantastically charming and witty in a number of TV interviews in my time. Daydreaming is the bestGrin

Kevinbaconsrealwife · 01/03/2021 12:50

Why do you think my user name is “ Kevin bacons real wife” Blush xx

mxmxm · 01/03/2021 12:51

i had the same issue after having a dream about my celeb crush - although in my case it wasn’t sexual (i sadly woke up before anything could happen) but just flirtation

the person in question? George W. Bush Blush

slashlover · 01/03/2021 12:52

@youvegottenminuteslynn

I've also accepted many an award and been fantastically charming and witty in a number of TV interviews in my time. Daydreaming is the bestGrin
Similar to this, when I'm dancing around my kitchen I'm obviously the best dancer ever and put Beyonce to shame. At some point Tom Holland is going to recognise my genius and want to redo the "Lip Sync Battle" dance to "Umbrella" with me.
CookPassBabtridge · 01/03/2021 12:59

I haven't had a celebrity crush but I can relate to the fantasising aspect OP and yearning for a life that doesn't involve cbeebies and school runs. I had an affair because of it and my DP said I would have been the last person to do that.. We now have an open relationship so I can feel all those good things again.

Lemonyfuckit · 01/03/2021 13:06

@Jayneisagirlsname

I do this too. I have different lives and often choose which one I want to spend time in before I go to sleep.
Me too!
calmearth · 01/03/2021 13:09

@youvegottenminuteslynn

I've also accepted many an award and been fantastically charming and witty in a number of TV interviews in my time. Daydreaming is the bestGrin
I can relate. I also have a very successful career as an artist, have my own personal wealth so live in a very large, beautifully modernised Georgian apartment.
Luckingfovely · 01/03/2021 13:24

My alter ego is caught in a love triangle between Kevin McCloud and Alexander Armstrong Grin

Which way shall I swoon today...?

AStrangerToHerself · 01/03/2021 13:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Swipe left for the next trending thread