Should I sue Abusive ex *[content warning: concerns domestic violence]

[Bestservedcold1]

I have a severe neck injury from several years ago when my abusive ex-partner smashed my head against a brick wall on the night he proposed.

I had to have spinal surgery a few years later to correct this, but still suffer with pain & it does affect my day to day life quite a bit and the spinal problems I have are gradually becoming worse again & is likely to continue becoming worse.

I left him shortly before our wedding day, after he again lost his temper, pinned me up against a wall spitting in my face, with his finger in my face, then trapped me in the bedroom and then chased me down the stairs.

More recently and quite out of the blue after all of these years, he sent a malicious letter to some third parties, making up all kinds of lies & false allegations about me, such as saying I am mental and alleging I own him a lot of money he claims I scammed from him.

I am extremely resentful that my injury he caused is a debilitating lifelong injury & I have to suffer the pain, financial losses, flashbacks & PTSD from my relationship with him, while he gets to carry on his life as normal.

I am considering suing him / writing him a letter asking for compensation for my injuries. I am not even sure he is aware of my spinal surgery.

The malicious letter sent years later caused me a great deal of distress & triggered all kinds of flashbacks & health problems for me.

What should I do?

Has he got any money?

I believe he owns at least one property. Is there any easy way I can find out how much capital he has, as I would want to sue for just say £5000 if he has assets worth half a million, for example.

Did you report these assaults to the police?
Have you explored criminal injuries compensation?

That should say wouldn't want to, not would want to.

Where do you live OP? i.e. UK/America/Australia

There isn't a way of finding out how much capital someone has, no.

I mean this nicely, but it's hardly worth going through the legal process to sue someone for a possible £5000.

Maybe spend the money on therapy instead - to help you deal with moving forward and the resentment you feel with your ex. Sounds harsh and i don't mean to be harsh but it's just a suggestion.

Try the Rights of Women lawyers. They'll know if you have a case.

As above did d you report it and was he charged?

I do get where you’re coming from but I don’t think inviting this all back into your life is necessarily a good idea.

Sue him for what exactly? Defamation of character?
Everyone these days has PTSD, has it been formally diagnosed my a medical professional - not just a doc saying they think it's what it might be.
Save your money, you are coming across as angry and vindictive, which is adding fuel to his fire.
Why now after all these years do you want to sue?
These are all questions that his team would use on you, so be prepared if you do, there will be other
Gems too such as "why did you stay with him after the
Night he proposed and you claim he
Hit your head."
As for the letter to a third party, just remember that those that matter won't mind.

I think in order to win you would need proof that he caused the injury and proof that the injury caused your ongoing pain.

Would you be able to produce anything like that?

@Finfintytint

Did you report these assaults to the police? Have you explored criminal injuries compensation?

Not at the time no. We were abroad when he smashed my head against the wall.

I only reported it to the Police fairly recently, but don't believe any action was taken as I didn't make any formal statement.

@Literaryseed

Where do you live OP? i.e. UK/America/Australia

I am in the UK. The assault which caused the neck injury happened abroad.

I know nothing but wanted to say good luck! Was he convicted of the assault causing the spine problems?
I wouldn't bother writing a letter asking for compensation, he isn't a nice person and isn't going to have an attack of conscience. You would just be giving him more power. If you had enough evidence to get the court to mandate compensation though, that would be worthwhile.

@HalfShrunkMoreToGo

I think in order to win you would need proof that he caused the injury and proof that the injury caused your ongoing pain.

Would you be able to produce anything like that?

Yes, medical records and I have the malicious letter. Details of his abuse would only obviously be evidenced from my own statements... Unless he admitted what he'd done.

One good thing I think is that in his letter, he references the fact that he had anger management counselling (claiming that I made him have this).

Would be impossible to find witnesses from when it happened abroad & all of the other abuse was behind closed doors.

I understand your bitterness towards him. However I would not encourage you to chase him financially. You’d be entering into a bargaining match with him over your health. He won’t have a conscience about your pain. The only thing I’d consider is a cease and desist letter for contacting people regarding you (no idea if this the right thing).
Think carefully before getting into a situation with him for your physical and mental health.

It was a bit of a fast romance & he took me away for the weekend to propose when we had been together only 6 months. He smashed my head against the wall & also smashed my phone only a few hours after we had become engaged.

I put YABU, but I mean that gently as what you’ve been through sounds awful

I don’t think suing will achieve anything as he will simply say he didn’t commit the assault and it seems there is no way you can prove otherwise. Again the letters, whilst nasty, don’t particularly warrant any compensation. It’s not worth going down this stressful rabbit hole when I’m afraid you won’t win

How many years ago?
You have 2 years from the date of injury to make a claim for criminal injury compensation and 3 years for civil. After that you are statue barred and can't claim.

I think it sounds as if the validation of what he did to you is as important as the money. What an evil man.

@BooFuckingHoo2

I put YABU, but I mean that gently as what you’ve been through sounds awful

I don’t think suing will achieve anything as he will simply say he didn’t commit the assault and it seems there is no way you can prove otherwise. Again the letters, whilst nasty, don’t particularly warrant any compensation. It’s not worth going down this stressful rabbit hole when I’m afraid you won’t win

I don't know how you could possibly say that suing wouldn't achieve anything. Yes is would most definitely achieve compensation for my injuries & other damages and also justice.

Bullies are cowards and I think he would be a pathetic mess if he received a letter from me - Which would give me great satisfaction & aid my healing.

I don’t think you’re going to be able to go down the criminal compensation route as you needed to have reported to the police “as soon as practical”.

I think you’d be better to focus on looking forward - what has triggered you to consider this now?

@Oysterbabe

How many years ago? You have 2 years from the date of injury to make a claim for criminal injury compensation and 3 years for civil. After that you are statue barred and can't claim.

It was quite a few years ago but I didn't have spinal surgery until some years later as is a progressive injury. I had to have a ceramic implant in my neck... It's possible I may need further surgery too.

I think the PP means that it sounds unlikely that you could sue. How much spare cash have you got to find out?

I would let it lie. This could become incredibly stressful for you.

You won't be able to sue. There is some flexibility in the Limitation Act in exceptional circumstances but the court stick to it the vast majority of the time. The chance of you finding a lawyer prepared to give it a go it virtually nil.

Source: I've been a personal injury lawyer for nearly 20 years.