Should I sue Abusive ex *[content warning: concerns domestic violence]

[Bestservedcold1]

I have a severe neck injury from several years ago when my abusive ex-partner smashed my head against a brick wall on the night he proposed.

I had to have spinal surgery a few years later to correct this, but still suffer with pain & it does affect my day to day life quite a bit and the spinal problems I have are gradually becoming worse again & is likely to continue becoming worse.

I left him shortly before our wedding day, after he again lost his temper, pinned me up against a wall spitting in my face, with his finger in my face, then trapped me in the bedroom and then chased me down the stairs.

More recently and quite out of the blue after all of these years, he sent a malicious letter to some third parties, making up all kinds of lies & false allegations about me, such as saying I am mental and alleging I own him a lot of money he claims I scammed from him.

I am extremely resentful that my injury he caused is a debilitating lifelong injury & I have to suffer the pain, financial losses, flashbacks & PTSD from my relationship with him, while he gets to carry on his life as normal.

I am considering suing him / writing him a letter asking for compensation for my injuries. I am not even sure he is aware of my spinal surgery.

The malicious letter sent years later caused me a great deal of distress & triggered all kinds of flashbacks & health problems for me.

What should I do?

Lots of people keep harping on about the statute of limitations. I'm pretty sure its 6 years, not 3 - And I am sure I read somewhere about it being extended.

In any event, I have nothing to lose.

Thank you for the support, it really means the world to me.

@purplecorkheart

You don't seem to understand there is no way that you can get a penny from him. There is no way legally to do so. Your case will never get in front of a Judge and he will never give you money himself.

You can send him all the letters you want but they are only words on paper. They are worthless (unless he considers them harrassment and then he can use them as evidence. A court will never hear your assault case as it happened too long. ago. The circumstances of your case will never override the time limited for taking claims.

Exactly

@CandyLeBonBon

Op is sticking her fingers in her ears and singing 'la la la I can't hear you'

Yep. I am giving up now.

@Moonstone1234

So with no experience of doing this you are planning to send a recorded delivery letter. Saying what? You will sound daft and I mean this in a gentle way - rather deluded.

Not as daft as his malicious letter sounds - Which is very incriminating for him.

@Bestservedcold1

Lots of people keep harping on about the statute of limitations. I'm pretty sure its 6 years, not 3 - And I am sure I read somewhere about it being extended.

In any event, I have nothing to lose.

Thank you for the support, it really means the world to me.

Let us know how you get on

Btw - as he started this. What money does he claim you owe him?

OP I’m sure all of us can sympathise with your motivation here, and some will have more understanding than others. But none of us would be on the court panel (or whatever it is) making the decision.

I’m not a lawyer, but my first thought was that his defence lawyer would immediately ask you to prove it was that particular incident that caused your injuries. How could you prove you hadn’t had your head bashed against a wall by other people in the years that followed?

I doubt you would have a case, and if you did it would be ground breaking and set a precedent for all the other women in the same position. I'm not saying that would be a bad thing, I would love to see these men pay in every way possible for abuse and violence against women. But it's not the way our legal system works for DV survivors. We are meant to just get on with it, and the majority of the time the perpetrator gets away with it

How is it incriminating?

@foodiefil

Just noticed your username.

After leaving my financially, physically and emotionally abusing ex I too fantasised about revenge.

The best revenge is living a good life. Please try and focus on this. Who do you talk to in real life about this?

I have lived the best life I could under the circumstances. I have never talked to anybody about it, other than the police and now you lovely people.

There is no point in people complaining if my responses are not what you want to hear. Everybody is different. This is my idea of reality.

@Bestservedcold1

Lots of people keep harping on about the statute of limitations. I'm pretty sure its 6 years, not 3 - And I am sure I read somewhere about it being extended.

In any event, I have nothing to lose.

Thank you for the support, it really means the world to me.

For personal injury claims it is 3.

@AubergineDream

I doubt you would have a case, and if you did it would be ground breaking and set a precedent for all the other women in the same position. I'm not saying that would be a bad thing, I would love to see these men pay in every way possible for abuse and violence against women. But it's not the way our legal system works for DV survivors. We are meant to just get on with it, and the majority of the time the perpetrator gets away with it

But she didn't report any of the crimes at the time. I'm assuming that eg child abuse isn't statute barred because children can't be expected to report offences to the police, but this is an adult.

Obviously dv services could be massively improved with more support and resources for current victims, but trying to obtain retroactive justice for unreported crimes of the past seems futile.

MorrisZapp - And many people stay in abusive for years without reporting anything. That doesn't mean the abuse didn't happen or that they are not entitled to compensation.

Compensation and justice are two very different things.

Best. I am checking out too. You seem now to just be after £££. Don’t waste anymore time on this person.

It’s not going to happen but you carry on. You will look foolish, you WILL lose because you have no proof, it’s years later, you keep mentioning money, you have gone into other abusive relationships, it could have happened during those times...

This man WILL win and will know you still think about him. He will be crowing about this. If you send him the sort of things you have said on this thread they could be published somewhere making you look very foolish indeed.

There is no future in this at all. Any of it. You need to focus on moving on from this. What you are doing is drinking poison and expecting your ex to die.
You will not get anywhere with your quest for compensation. You have no case. It will be laughed at and rejected before it gets within 100 metres of a judge.
You are not helping yourself. This is not a film where the underdog socks it to them and wins their moral justice case. Real life isn't like that. You will get nowhere with this. They are not going to change the laws so that you can get your ex's money. It is not going to happen.

Yep, three years for personal injury claims

It could end up costing you a lot of money for naught - and then he would be all gloaty and smug if he “won”.

I’m sorry this happened to you, it’s not fair.

You were going to lose (because you haven’t got a case) and then your abusive ex is going to be able to tell everybody that you accused him of being a domestic abuser and lost because he’s ‘obviously not violent’.

How can people even think that, you are the crazy one, the scorned ex, the reason the relationship broke up, the one still hung up on him, the fantasist, the liar.

See how he will turn this around on you? And sadly, because you lost this case, a few people will believe him.

You think you’ve hit rock bottom? Try him winning, you ending up owing him money, being ‘proven’ a liar, and he now has your address.

@Moonstone1234

That is a good point re you losing. He will taunt you with it. Wagging a finger in your face many years ago and then potentially pretending to cry.

Please listen to how you are sounding.

You are away from him. That is your revenge. At least you didn’t marry him but then going into other abusive relationships is a massive red flag for you. The men in this don’t matter. This is all about you, come on OP. You are better than this.

Please listen to how YOU are sounding.

If my debilitating, lifelong injury was caused by some other party, then I would be suing them (and would probably achieve a much larger settlement).

But he caused my injury (and other damages) and I do not see why he should have property, security and a decent functioning spine, when he has caused so much damage to my life.

Even if I lost, just the thought of the stress it would cause him is enough for me. If I did lose, then there is a very serious problem with the British justice system, which is not my fault.

It's not going to do him, or me any favours to "Let it go". I have "Let it go" my entire life and has got me nowhere.

He needs to be held accountable for what he has done.

It isn't the British justice system. The British justice system is the criminal court. This isn't a criminal case. It's a civil case. Which you'd lose because you can't prove anything.

“If I did lose, then there is a very serious problem with the British justice system”

What, innocent until proven guilty? Unfortunately you have no proof.

You've been told time and again you have no case by actual professionals that know the law surrounding this yet are ignoring it and all the posts telling you otherwise and concentrating on the one and only post telling you to go for it (by someone good intentioned I'm sure but with no clue regarding the legal system surrounding such claims).
So, in your head you win, he cries himself to sleep every night about you getting justice and showing the world what he is really like. You ruin his life. It's so satisfying to think of getting revenge like this but it's a fantasy. The actual outcome is you file a claim which you have no legal basis for, give him your address and poke the bear who comes for you, before the case can be heard you will be receiving communications belittling you and your experiences, calling you a fantasist, liar, gold digger etc (are you mentally strong enough to cope with such letters with his name on?), have your case thrown out as the statute of limitations is well past so him being bolstered by that can ramp up his behaviour and abuse knowing he got to you. You are so fixated on the fantasy of you winning and getting revenge you are ignoring the cold hard facts. You need to consider the real consequences of what you are planning on doing as otherwise you are going to crash really hard. Not only that but while crashing you will have invited a violent, abusive man back into your life who I'm sure will take great pleasure in taunting you and humiliating you, telling everyone how much of a fantasist you are etc. You need to assess how you would cope with the worst case scenario. I'm not trying to be nasty or unsupportive, I think it would be brilliant if abusive people would have repercussions such as this, if they all could be punished and the law supported victims of domestic violence a hell of a lot better than it does. The problem with your plan is that it is going to hurt you in the long run, may anger him but then he will get great pleasure and satisfaction from the inevitable outcome because you can't change the law to suit your fantasy.

Why did you start a thread when it's clear you've already made a decision?

@BullOx

“If I did lose, then there is a very serious problem with the British justice system”

What, innocent until proven guilty? Unfortunately you have no proof.

Exactly! So why do I have a broken neck?

He has no proof otherwise