Fat shaming at work

[14down]

I know I'm fat. I'm 19 stone. However I have lost 4.5 stone in the last year

I work in an area of the nhs where we have to wear scrubs and the colours on the back of the neck indicate the size of the scrubs. I'm in the largest size of scrubs and I overheard my colleagues saying they'd be ashamed to be seen wearing such a big size. I'm actually quite happy I've made it to the biggest size because I had to buy my own previously!

It's just the latest comment in a series of shittiness.

We’ve been working our arses off because we’re seeing a lot of really sick covid patients so our hospital is basically giving us biscuits, tea and coffee for doing a good job.. everyone helps themselves to a packet of biscuits, there’s 3 in a pack 39 calories each.. every fucking time I get myself a pack of biscuits (maybe once a week) ‘ooh 14 I wouldn’t eat those if I were you’

The other day someone brought in a pack of donuts and I sat next to them. Someone I work with then said ‘oh guys I’m surprised there’s any left with them being next to 14down I don't even like donuts so just FUCK OFF

I’m eating noodles at 109 calories for a pot ‘oh I couldnt eat noodles every day, very heavy.. She then patted my stomach!!

Or the worst.. I’m having a miscarriage and one of my colleagues told me the reason I’m having it is because I’m fat. And that I don’t need ivf I just need to stop eating.

I’m fat because I was on anti psychotic medication and I have just had enough. So I’m going to make a complaint when I’m back in work. But my manager today said it's a cultural thing and the person who keeps telling me I'm too fat and making a point of making me feel shit is just trying to help..

I've fucking had enough. I'm so so close to just emailing to say that's enough here's my notice but I love my job. I just don't want to be judged when I eat there! I know I'm fat, I have eyes it's my body. But short of just taking a liquid diet to work I can't think of anything to do to get them all to stop making comments!

Aibu to tell them all to fuck off when I'm
Next in?

NHS, I got told that I was too pretty to be the size I am, what a shame it was and that I needed to lose weight. I was a size 14/16, hadn’t lost the weight after baby.

Also ‘cultural’. Many other things said to me.

People do not realise how bitchy working for the NHS can be. They are very rude for commenting on anything.

Well done in your weight loss.

Also, I used to eat about 5 packs of biscuits a night, bloody nightmare on a diet!!

Firstly, well done on your loss so far! I think some people can't imagine the struggles other people have with weight loss but it also sounds like your colleagues are just plain bitchy.

You're well within your rights to tell them all to F off, especially your manager for fobbing you off.. But I'd advise against it Can you tell your manager you feel its harassment and say you'd like to raise a formal complaint? If they try to tell you absolute nonsense again about then I'd be tempted to go above them, whether to their manager or HR.

• about it being cultural or for your own good

Was it olanzapne?

I found on that I could literally sit and eat a bowl of sugar with spoon and it still not be sweet enough for the constant sweet tooth and urge for sugar

what 'cultural'? What culture is this that it is acceptable to make someone feel bad about themselves in the name of good intentions.

I'm sorry you're having to deal with that 🥲. It's nasty & completely unacceptable -definitely put in an official complaint.

Congratulations on your weight loss 💐
Don't let these bastards get in the way of your goals & remember, the patients appreciate you 🤗

@Sapho47 YES!! God it was insane. I'm a lot better now so I've weaned off it and the weight loss has been quite dramatic but I'd still be on them if I needed it. I just don't want any more comments about eating

I would politely and firmly tell them their comments are not required, not necessary, and are offensive. And If they continue you will make a formal complaint
If you feel up to it also say ‘yes I do know I have weight issues, and I know why, I am doing something about it, and you appear to have no further useful insights to add. Stop.‘

Good luck, I too used to have weight problems and managed to lose nearly 7st. People can be terribly judgemental and it is absolutely soul-destroying - It’s somehow socially acceptable to comment when someone is very overweight - it’s as if they think you don’t know that yourself, such comments are totally unhelpful.

In my head ‘I often think, yes I know I’m over weight - but I can lose the extra weight, but you on the other hand will always be a nasty person’. Never said it out loud though!

Sod the cultural angle - it’s rude and unacceptable.

14down well done on what you have achieved so far. Please don’t let the buggars put you off course & definitely don’t give up a job you love . Keep on doing what you are doing.☘️

Sounds plain nasty to me. No excuse for it . Try to
Hold your head up high and ignore . They have their own issues going on . Thinking of you

[quote 14down]@Sapho47 YES!! God it was insane. I'm a lot better now so I've weaned off it and the weight loss has been quite dramatic but I'd still be on them if I needed it. I just don't want any more comments about eating [/quote]
Next time talk to whoever on their own and politely tell them that while you understand they're just trying to help you but at the moment its not a priority for you. You appreciate their efforts but not now.

Its bollocks but most people don't view themselves as asholes if you start an argument, be hostile or tell them off it will carry on.

Depends how willing you are to just out and out manipulate your colleges thougg

This is horrendous, go to HR. It’s completely unacceptable. You are being bullied.

I’m NHS too, haven’t had this experience but I would report every fucker that dared say anything like that to me. I’m fat too.

Those nasty bastards need putting back in their box. If necessary, raise it again with the manager, and don’t be fobbed off with excuses. Or go to HR and make a proper complaint about bullying; they deserve it. Start documenting it in a log, even past remarks, and take it with you when you complain.

I’m so sorry to read about your pregnancy loss, too. It’s a devastating experience, and the last thing you need is some know-it-all sticking the knife in. Honest to god they sound horrendous. Write this in your log too; NHS staff of all people should be sensitive to infertility and babyloss.

And very Well done, for your weight loss! And thank you for your hard work during this stressful CV19 period. You are appreciated!

It's not fat-shaming, they're bullying you & bollocks to your manager not doing his/her job to acknowledge & address this.

Bullying in the NHS is rife and acknowledged by NHS leadership teams as one of the top reasons why employees are on long term sickness and it affects patient safety.

Your manager has a duty of care, to protect, safeguard and create a working environment, that is conducive to positive mental health & wellbeing for every member of staff in their team.

Go back to your manager & tell them THIS.
Insist on making a FORMAL complaint.
Don't accept the excuse that it's banter or that you can't take a joke or it's the culture.

It's unacceptable and highly unprofessional behaviour.

Go to your manager's manager if your complaint isn't being formerly acknowledged & addressed.

Go to your union.

Congratulations on your weight loss and good luck with tackling these idiots.

This is awful @14down tell them you are losing your weight but they will always be ugly inside and out.

Posted too early, worked frontline NHS a long time and the most horrendous bullying I came across was by midwifery sisters, over weight, pulling fat faces behind people's backs. Hated working there.

There are some fucking bitches in the world. When they start, picture them with cucumbers stuck up their arses. It will give you a secret smile the'll never understand.

That is bullying and I agree you should raise a complaint with HR.

You’re NHS so raise a “Dignity at Work” complaint.

The bullying that goes on in the NHS is shocking as I know first- hand.

Bloody hell OP. You've normalised this a bit because it's far more than far shaming, as someone else said, it's pure bullying. And horrific at that. I'm horrified that a woman suffering a miscarriage would be spoken to like that.

Make a formal complaint.

And the next time (we know there's a next time) something is said, I'd be tempted to say, with a smile and tinkly laugh "I'd rather be fat than rude". Or similar.

Maybe "Your fat shaming is getting boring now. Please stop."

Or

"My weight and health are none if your concern and is appreciate it if you kept your opinions about it to yourself".

Make a complaint op. That's awful. And well done on the weight loss

OP,
First of all familiarise yourself with the Trust's anti-bullying policy.
Then talk to your manager and raise your concerns.
(Or talk to your Trade Union Rep if you are a member of an TU and let them raise the issue.)
If you don't have TU support and/or things don't improve issue a Grievance against your manager and copy it to HR.
If this bullying doesn't stop and you find it intolerable to work there then you might have a claim for Constructive Dismissal, but take one step at a time.
I'm sorry that this is happening to you.

I'm so sorry for what you're enduring at work, it is AWFUL and your colleagues need to be pulled up.

Well done for losing so much weight and please try not to let these horrible people deter you from keeping up your quest for good health.

I hope you make a formal complaint

Congratulations on coming off olanzapne and losing weight. Your manager is as bad as the bullies, obviously doesn’t know how to manage. How is bullying a cultural thing !? Definitely put in a formal complaint to above, meanwhile have a quiet word with anyone who attacks you.. you are busy as you all are, you’ve made progress but being under pressure it’s a bad time.