Fat shaming at work

[14down]

I know I'm fat. I'm 19 stone. However I have lost 4.5 stone in the last year

I work in an area of the nhs where we have to wear scrubs and the colours on the back of the neck indicate the size of the scrubs. I'm in the largest size of scrubs and I overheard my colleagues saying they'd be ashamed to be seen wearing such a big size. I'm actually quite happy I've made it to the biggest size because I had to buy my own previously!

It's just the latest comment in a series of shittiness.

We’ve been working our arses off because we’re seeing a lot of really sick covid patients so our hospital is basically giving us biscuits, tea and coffee for doing a good job.. everyone helps themselves to a packet of biscuits, there’s 3 in a pack 39 calories each.. every fucking time I get myself a pack of biscuits (maybe once a week) ‘ooh 14 I wouldn’t eat those if I were you’

The other day someone brought in a pack of donuts and I sat next to them. Someone I work with then said ‘oh guys I’m surprised there’s any left with them being next to 14down I don't even like donuts so just FUCK OFF

I’m eating noodles at 109 calories for a pot ‘oh I couldnt eat noodles every day, very heavy.. She then patted my stomach!!

Or the worst.. I’m having a miscarriage and one of my colleagues told me the reason I’m having it is because I’m fat. And that I don’t need ivf I just need to stop eating.

I’m fat because I was on anti psychotic medication and I have just had enough. So I’m going to make a complaint when I’m back in work. But my manager today said it's a cultural thing and the person who keeps telling me I'm too fat and making a point of making me feel shit is just trying to help..

I've fucking had enough. I'm so so close to just emailing to say that's enough here's my notice but I love my job. I just don't want to be judged when I eat there! I know I'm fat, I have eyes it's my body. But short of just taking a liquid diet to work I can't think of anything to do to get them all to stop making comments!

Aibu to tell them all to fuck off when I'm
Next in?

I can't believe what I am reading op 😭 i feel so sorry for you . I do agree with it being a cultural thing as I have had a few doctors from over seas tell me I need to lose weight ect . I think they word things differently. In a bad way tho . I would seriously take no notice of her or write her a letter . Just saying how it's making you feel . It's your body no one else's . You are not handing anyone . I hate the fact that everyone is judged on their weight and looks these days ! My partner is tiny! Ten stone . But even if he was 19 I would still love him and not look at him differently. Well done on the weight loss op . Do not hand your notice in . You could in fact if you do tell her how it's making you feel and she carries on ... put a complaint in . It is bullying . I hope everything works out for you . ❤️

What you weigh and eat is none of their f*cking business - make a complaint to H R. This is definitely a culture of bullying , make a record of any more comments but above all try to summon up every ounce of assertiveness you can and try to let them know that they are being rude and intrusive and that you will not listen to them any more - or just walk out or pick up your phone or headphones when someone starts and make it abundantly clear you aren't interested in their opinions - so sorry this is being done to you

You should log each comment with name, date and time. (Sorry if this has been said before, I didn't read the whole thread, but I understand the gist).
Do these people think they are helping in any way? Are they expecting you to say, 'oh, my God, I'm fat! I never realized until you told me this minute!'
The comments are awful. There isn't a single overweight person who doesn't know they are overweight. Mostly, like you, they are trying to do something about it and don't need belittling, upsetting comments into the bargain.
Good luck going forward with your weigh loss, and well done for your achievements so far.

Wow thank you!

This is the Dudeist reply to such comments if you want something cultural.

Fat-shaming, or more accurately fat-hating or anti-fat bigotry, is currently enjoying a boom, even Mumsnet won't delete threads/posts that are prejudiced against fat people - just look on the Coronavirus board, so many posts that abuse fat people getting vaccinated.

"Fuck off and mind your own"

"Piss off before I sit on you"

As they open their mouth to say "Hey 14down..." jump in with "oh look Nurse DaftCunt needs to say something about the food I'm eating to make her feel better about her own insecurities. Here we go, everyone gather round for some real pearls of wisdom".

Or maybe "look this is ridiculous, I'm not fat for overeating I'm fat from medication. Please don't mention my eating habits again."

@Julianamechange

NHS, I got told that I was too pretty to be the size I am, what a shame it was and that I needed to lose weight. I was a size 14/16, hadn’t lost the weight after baby.

Also ‘cultural’. Many other things said to me.

What do you mean it's cultural.? Which cultures are saying these shitty things?

It sounds horrible and must be very wearing.
I think a simple, "Were you meaning to be so unkind and hurtful?" is a good way of helping them understand it has an impact.

You know you are big, I guess you know that the risk miscarriages and reduced fertility is significantly increased in those women who are overweight. You don't need people rubbing your nose in it.

Well done on the loss so far. Do repro persistent offenders or better still have the conversation with them about their behaviour.

I'm sorry to hear this.
This is unacceptable, and frankly your collegues were wrong to even make a commenton your weight.
You (I think) point out to your manage that the "culture" within the NHS is about acceptance and dignity of the individual, it is on all the HR anti bullying documents which will probably be on line. Ours is.
And that any comments about your weight is not acceptable as they know nothing about your health problems and you are not going to tell them about it!
If they don't take action on it I would cotact HR

Right , lets look at some facts.
You have taken control of your health issues by committing and losing a load of weight.
You have had a miscarriage
We are in a pandemic
You are working very hard in an important role in the midst of a pandemic.

Be proud, be very proud.

Note the comments down in writing and send to HR.

I’m shocked at this, OP. What the hell?!
How are people thinking it’s in any way acceptable to talk to other people like this, especially at work?! Gobsmacked. I work in a different area of the public sector and there is NO way this would happen or be tolerated if it did.

These people are rude, unprofessional, nasty idiots. If you can find a way to pull them up on this each time it happens, without causing yourself any further upset, I think you should. And consider taking it further via managers/HR. It’s just not right. You shouldn’t be subjected to this in your place of work.

Bullshit it's cultural to be fucking rude and nasty, anyone want to say that is a part of their culture? I'd go back to the manager and challenge their decision to ignore bullying and harassment in their team. If you get robbed off again (and if they're as spineless as they sound they will) take it up the chain, lodge a formal complaint.

oh my god that's so cruel, surely that kind of thing warrants a complaint, people shouldn't be able to get away with speaking to a colleague like that. Congratulations on the weight you have lost so far as well OP and sorry to hear about your miscarriage

4 and a half stone is bloody brilliant well done. I am 19st too - and I am not keen on donuts either. if someone said those things to me I would be upset but I would not let it go. If I am honest if someone attempted to pat me on my tummy I would absolutely lose my shit so you are doing far better than I would.

That's bullying and I would go to HR. Start making a note comments, date, times, witnesses etc.

There is definitely a trend for people in U.K. to be much fatter than say in 1970’s.

It HAS to be to do with changing eating habits.

It came to sharp focus when I watched some old You Tube videos of London.. everyone was so slim!

Biscuits, noodles and salty fatty snacks that hospital vending machines sell can’t be good for anyone... why don’t hospitals provide lower fat options?
I speak as a biscuit addict who never takes just one!
People often buy tins of sweets for Nurses, too.

FFS. OP, you do not go to work to be bullied and made to feel like shit. Definitely start recording the comments and report these bullies.

Well done on your amazing weight loss.

I'm sorry that others are being unkind.

Well done on the massive weight loss!

Yes I would tell them to mind their own business every time they say something. They must lead very sad lives if they feel the need to be this horrible.

There is a quote from Elenor Roosevelt which I always think of when I have to deal with horrible people - ‘no one can make you feel inferior without your permission’. You’re doing great, losing weight and are obviously in a better place mentally if you are coming off your meds, don’t let such pathetic people upset you or take away from that.

This is definitely something to management as PPs said. In the meantime, how about “look, this is making me feel bad yiu commenting on my weight every day. I don’t tell you need a face lift / should get a nose job / have got shit hair (whichever works) every day do I. Show me the same courtesy”. I guarantee she won’t comment on your weight again.

OP dont try to tackle bullues directly with "smart" comments. It doesn't come naturally to everyone and you shouldn't have to be focussing on that - your job is hard enough as it is. Plus, it could be twisted to make you look like the aggressor in the future.
Note time and details of comments, including previous ones and any subsequent ones.
Please, please email your line managerASAP, saying:

1. Reiterate the serious of the situation and say you are not happy with their initial response. Tell them you want the comments to stop.
2. Ask them to reply via email with what action they will take, so you can take time to digest their reply (the point of rhis is that you start the all important "paper trail" required to take these things forward formally, should you wish/need to).

Don't stand for this shit! Good luck!!

Congratulations on losing weight. I. Know how much hard work that takes. You deserve to feel proud of yourself whatever weight you are.

This treatment of you is completely unacceptable and you don't have to accept it.

Please, please compile a log of every incident, every single comment, and make a formal complaint to HR.

Its SO important to stand up to bullies.

I have managed to lose a lot of weight; it wasn't easy, so sympathies and congratulations!
I don't usually go for "tit for tat" but when provoked once too often, I finally looked the offender square in the eye, and said, "I've joined WeightWatchers. So far I've lost four stone. What are you doing about your appalling manners?" She was shaken that I had firmly refused the "butt of comment" role (excuse the pun!) and was upsetting the status quo by tackling the problem.
In fairness, most friends and family have cheered me on; just remind yourself that it's the person making the digs who is insecure.

God, this is terrible. I've struggled with my weight too and in my culture, it's normal for people to talk about weight gain all the time. It made me avoid certain people and places and creates a very real anxiety when you are literally hailed as 'fat girl' in the street for weighing 11 stone.

I can only emphatise OP. I don't want to say that I'm sorry because I know you don't want my pity, but you do have my understanding and you are right, it is nobody's business.