Fat shaming at work

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I know I'm fat. I'm 19 stone. However I have lost 4.5 stone in the last year

I work in an area of the nhs where we have to wear scrubs and the colours on the back of the neck indicate the size of the scrubs. I'm in the largest size of scrubs and I overheard my colleagues saying they'd be ashamed to be seen wearing such a big size. I'm actually quite happy I've made it to the biggest size because I had to buy my own previously!

It's just the latest comment in a series of shittiness.

We’ve been working our arses off because we’re seeing a lot of really sick covid patients so our hospital is basically giving us biscuits, tea and coffee for doing a good job.. everyone helps themselves to a packet of biscuits, there’s 3 in a pack 39 calories each.. every fucking time I get myself a pack of biscuits (maybe once a week) ‘ooh 14 I wouldn’t eat those if I were you’

The other day someone brought in a pack of donuts and I sat next to them. Someone I work with then said ‘oh guys I’m surprised there’s any left with them being next to 14down I don't even like donuts so just FUCK OFF

I’m eating noodles at 109 calories for a pot ‘oh I couldnt eat noodles every day, very heavy.. She then patted my stomach!!

Or the worst.. I’m having a miscarriage and one of my colleagues told me the reason I’m having it is because I’m fat. And that I don’t need ivf I just need to stop eating.

I’m fat because I was on anti psychotic medication and I have just had enough. So I’m going to make a complaint when I’m back in work. But my manager today said it's a cultural thing and the person who keeps telling me I'm too fat and making a point of making me feel shit is just trying to help..

I've fucking had enough. I'm so so close to just emailing to say that's enough here's my notice but I love my job. I just don't want to be judged when I eat there! I know I'm fat, I have eyes it's my body. But short of just taking a liquid diet to work I can't think of anything to do to get them all to stop making comments!

Aibu to tell them all to fuck off when I'm
Next in?

WTAF?? In what culture is it ok to blame someone for losing a baby? What culture are they referring to?

OP I'm so sorry you're having to deal with this. I agree with pp saying go to union rep. These people need to face consequences.

Oh, OP.

I am 18 stone.

I got a job in healthcare a couple of years ago, I was telling one of the school mums at pick up that it would be a relief wearing scrubs to work as I wouldn't have to buy work clothes.

A another on piped up "wow, so they even make scrubs in Your size?" To which another horrible cow replied "that's a hell of a lot of blue fabric!" Then they all chuckled. Yeah, really fucking funny.

I just about managed to hold it until I walked through my front door before I burst into tears. I was absolutely humiliated.

Please go and speak to HR, you should not be being treated like this.

Cultural reasons are not good enough for fat shaming someone at work. You can't use your cultural as an excuse to bully someone, especially after you've been told to stop.

As for touching your stomach, they should keep their hands to themselves.

I would have a word, if they carry on report them

Ywnbu at all to tell them to fuck off. But I think you should go to HR. This is bullying and unacceptable. Hideous bunch of shits.

First comment tomorrow, I would literally tell them loudly to fuck off with their intrusive personal comment, and say that you feel it is deliberate bullying designed to and undermine you. Make it a full 15 minutes. Cry and yell if you feel like it, name worst offenders.

Then apologise profusely and call your union rep and ask them to liaise with HR. This will trigger effective action. (I was a union rep, now retired.

Like blueshoes I would really like to know what "culture" believes it is ok to be so horrible to another human being ?

Well done for losing the weight so far. It sounds like this is bullying to me and your manager is not doing their job. I would read up on your complaints policy and raise a formal grievance against the person who made the comments.
Do not let this person push you out of an important job that you love.
The next time they say something as them to repeat it. 'sorry, can you repeat that... What did you just say?'. Then say 'I don't appreciate personal comments thank you.' and walk away and note it before raising a further grievance. People should not get away with this and there are no cultural reasons to make this behaviour acceptable.
Well done for dealing with everything you have done and thank you for everything you are doing in the nhs. Good luck!

Wow, your workplace is toxic. Is being fat impeding your work? No? Then it is nothing to do with your colleagues. Please enjoy your occasional biscuits, well done on the 4.5st loss, and thanks for helping the health service not fall over during the pandemic.

I’m so sorry about your miscarriage. Focus on healing and try to put these arseholes out of your mind while you’re off. When you’re back, please escalate this as you plan to do. Culture my foot, no excuse for being a dick.

Tell then loudly and clearly 'my weight and my food are none of your business. Please stop making unwanted and intrusive personal comments'. Repeat as often as necessary. Print it out and hand it to them if you want. No other comment. No other debate. Just these two sentences as often as needed.

Well done for your weight loss, op.
These people are sh1ts. Don't lower yourself to their level, just keep on doing what you're doing because it sounds to me like you're a beautiful human being.
As for the 'cultural' thing - what a bell-end, arsewhipe comment. Is this person even qualified in HR? You wouldn't be allowed to justify a sexist comment by saying it's a 'gender' thing would you.

They're awful bullies. Complain about them, be strong and be proud of your amazing progress so far!!

And I'm sorry for your loss xx

Write things down: comments, times, places, other people who were around.
Document the conversations with your line manager, if you can get this by email, all the better.
Take your case to HRU, and raise a grievance, with the person who is doing it, and the line manager for not dealing with it.
Nobody should put up with this behaviour, I have investigated lots of grievances, and this behaviour needs properly addressing

Like blueshoes I would really like to know what "culture" believes it is ok to be so horrible to another human being?

My North African relatives are certainly happy to comment in forensic detail on my body complete with pinches and prods.

I dont think anyone would dare to fat shame me at work in the NHS. .ind you im older and have perfected the look of death.

So sorry
Fat shaming is disgusting. I have been fat shamed by my family, but not at work but I am overweight too.
I think you should make a complaint because even if your work mate is saying things from a "cultural" angle, it's downright unacceptable to make comments about other people's size unless they are asking for your advice.
Perhaps you could ask the people who get the freebies for your ward if they can maybe get some healthy snacks as well as biscuits so you at least have a choice what you eat.

PS the "cultural" workmate needs to hear from HR that this is not how we carry on in our culture

Congrats on your weightloss - definitely a role model to me.

No you shouldn’t have to put up with it, but you don’t want to give up a job you love or fall out with your colleagues, so can have you have a think about how you might like to respond in a way that’s assertive and sets your boundaries but isn’t rude? Really something simple like ‘my weight is my own business - and that’s my body and I did not invite you to touch it’ - or ‘I don’t like donuts, if I did I can buy my own - but either way my weight is none of your business’

Say it firmly and look them in the eye. If they say just trying to help, you can repeat ‘I am as well informed as you are, I didn’t ask for your help’.

Hopefully that will shut them up even if it takes them a while to get used to it. There can be cultural factors in play - but once someone’s been told - that’s no excuse.

The bloody cheek of them, make a complaint also try pulling them up on it especially in a group with direct eye contact, they need to keep their judgemental opinions to themself.

I do think there are some cultures where fat shaming is not seen as a bad thing, Japan is known for it. Having said that a big organisation like the NHS has it's own culture and is responsible for making it a tolerant and respectful one. Anti bullying must be proactive and they have to show they value that through training and the policies they have in place to prevent discrimination at every stage.

What horrible bullies, I’m sorry this is happening to you. I have never ever noticed what colour of size/scrubs a colleague is wearing, in fact I have no idea what colours are bigger or smaller than mine! Nasty people, I would try and stand up to them if they commented again, turn the shame on them where it belongs!

Well it might be cultural but it’s not appropriate in a work environment and should be addressed
And well done on your weight loss so far

Makes me so angry that any one person feels that its OK to comment on another person's appearance! Why does it matter to people if someone else is overweight, it doesn't directly affect them?
Losing weight is hard and you've done so well op, keep going and tell them to fuck right off.

my manager today said it's a cultural thing and the person who keeps telling me I'm too fat and making a point of making me feel shit is just trying to help

If that is true, your manager needs to take that person aside and tell her to STFU, because in many other cultures - including British - comments like this are rude and demeaning.