Fat shaming at work

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I know I'm fat. I'm 19 stone. However I have lost 4.5 stone in the last year

I work in an area of the nhs where we have to wear scrubs and the colours on the back of the neck indicate the size of the scrubs. I'm in the largest size of scrubs and I overheard my colleagues saying they'd be ashamed to be seen wearing such a big size. I'm actually quite happy I've made it to the biggest size because I had to buy my own previously!

It's just the latest comment in a series of shittiness.

We’ve been working our arses off because we’re seeing a lot of really sick covid patients so our hospital is basically giving us biscuits, tea and coffee for doing a good job.. everyone helps themselves to a packet of biscuits, there’s 3 in a pack 39 calories each.. every fucking time I get myself a pack of biscuits (maybe once a week) ‘ooh 14 I wouldn’t eat those if I were you’

The other day someone brought in a pack of donuts and I sat next to them. Someone I work with then said ‘oh guys I’m surprised there’s any left with them being next to 14down I don't even like donuts so just FUCK OFF

I’m eating noodles at 109 calories for a pot ‘oh I couldnt eat noodles every day, very heavy.. She then patted my stomach!!

Or the worst.. I’m having a miscarriage and one of my colleagues told me the reason I’m having it is because I’m fat. And that I don’t need ivf I just need to stop eating.

I’m fat because I was on anti psychotic medication and I have just had enough. So I’m going to make a complaint when I’m back in work. But my manager today said it's a cultural thing and the person who keeps telling me I'm too fat and making a point of making me feel shit is just trying to help..

I've fucking had enough. I'm so so close to just emailing to say that's enough here's my notice but I love my job. I just don't want to be judged when I eat there! I know I'm fat, I have eyes it's my body. But short of just taking a liquid diet to work I can't think of anything to do to get them all to stop making comments!

Aibu to tell them all to fuck off when I'm
Next in?

@georgarina

WTAF?? In what culture is it ok to blame someone for losing a baby? What culture are they referring to?

OP I'm so sorry you're having to deal with this. I agree with pp saying go to union rep. These people need to face consequences.

Agree with second paragraph. Join a union now if you are not already a member.

As for the first one - see Nevada, some other US states and south American countries where a miscarriage is treated as an illegal abortion.

@bigbeautwoman I genuinely don’t think you read my post at all. At no stage did I excuse anything said to the op. I think it’s disgusting, and I am even more appalled that management minimised this. Please read it again.

Arseholes.

Bless you OP

You work in the NHS and are therefore in the UK with our laws on bullying and abuse. Fuck culture. If your manager is useless (sounds like it, perhaps had sex with someone for promotion?) Go higher. And give every bitchy cow both barrels, as it is usually women who have nothing better to talk about than food.

And well done on that weight loss, fantastic progress.

Awful bullying. Sorry you've been treated like this and of course you don't deserve it at all. No excuse for people being so nasty.

Huge well done for losing the weight that you have and don't let these colleagues bring you down.

Very sorry for your loss. I'm sure you know miscarriages can happen for all sorts of reasons and are nothing to do with weight. What a horrendous thing for someone to say. I know my mum seems to believe similar and it is very hurtful not mention just nonsense. I had a miscarriage last year while also overweight and had some stupid comments from her. I'm now having a healthy pregnancy and wish you all the best for your TTC.

The miscarriage comment would be the main focus of my complaint if I were you. The rest is rude but that one really is outrageous.

I think I'd be responding with a "I may be fat but I can lose weight. I'm not sure there's a cure for being rude."

Stand up to them and stand up for yourself.

my manager today said it's a cultural thing and the person who keeps telling me I'm too fat and making a point of making me feel shit is just trying to help
Oh my your manager is a dick. Is it a cultural thing for to use bad language too?
I'd bring this higher with HR in the meantime tell your colleagues to feck off and ignore from there.
The aul MN favourite does work "Did you mean to be so rude"

I’m really sorry you have had to experience that! Also you are doing brilliant with your weight loss! I would definitely be logging a complaint it’s bully and plain nasty. But in the mean time I’d not be shy in telling them to fuck off!

It's bullying - no one can think this is 'helpful'.

Personally I'd write the comments down, by person and date.

I'd then tell my boss that if it doesn't stop, I'll be making a formal complaint but that you are hoping they will sort the issue out without you having to take that action.

Be studiously polite. Decide on what you are going to say next time someone makes a comment. Keep it simple, direct and don't get drawn into any arguments that can muddy the water.

I'd stick with something like 'I find your personal comments about my appearance both unprofessional, and insulting'. Don't let the bully's goad you into a fight. If they respond with anyone other than an apology your answer is something like 'I've made my position to you clear, and I'm not going to discuss my health with you further'.

Be cold and professional.

Next time someone makes a comment on your weight just say to them
'Have you always been Rude & Judgemental or is it just towards me?'
Hopefully, other staff members will be around to witness this & it might make everyone realise how much of a bully this certain staff member is.

Your manager is a spineless idiot. Read up on the work bullying policy and demand a meeting. Quite the policy a LOT and bring your union rep if you have one. This is intolerable harassment in the workplace. Don’t accept the excuse that it’s “cultural”, your culture says it’s rude, and why should one culture be elevated over the other?

They’re bullies. The fact they’ve carried on when you’ve clearly lost loads of weight already, rather than saying well done, says it all

Well done on losing the weight you have so far, l list 3 stone last year so know how determined you have to be.

I would not be telling them to fuck off as you like your job. What l would be telling them is that it is not any of their business to talk to you about your weight and l would answer the cultural remark with the fact it upsets you which will ultimately effect your weight loss (if your an emotional eater l am).

People are fuckers.

I take quetiepine. It makes me feel like I haven’t eaten in a week. It’s horrendous. Especially when I have to take it and I’m trying to loose weight. It’s a terrible medication.

You have lost 4.5 stone in one year! bloody hell

I’m sorry OP. I urge you to report the behaviour. Best case is that it’s cultural and those involved receive training on how their words affect others (to earlier posters who didn’t think it’s possible - yes, there are other cultures that do consider it absolutely fine to comment on weight and there are things we do here in the UK that THEY find rude...that being said, no behaviour is okay if it is making someone feel bullied and this is why OP should report it) worst case is that they are deliberately bullying you in which case it MUST be fully investigated and dealt with appropriately. All the best x

I also don't think you should not have to justify yourself by saying you are trying to lose weight and eat healthy. Even if you decided not to lose weight and to eat what you want then people still need to accept that and treat you with the same tolerance and respect they would like to be treated with.

Like blueshoes I would really like to know what "culture" believes it is ok to be so horrible to another human being?
In Japan, for example, pointing out if someone has gained weight is seen as helpful. Only 2-3% of people in Japan are obese compared to the 28% in the U.K. Companies measure the waists of their workers and are fined if they are larger than the guidelines. People who are overweight are given government diet guidance.

BUT just as I would be expected to follow the cultural norms of another country if I was living there instead of the U.K. so should the OPs colleague.

Your manager knows

I would email them stating your complaint and cc their manager. In my trust they would come down like a ton of bricks on that person.

And yes it may be cultural- my friend lived in Thailand and was constantly given "helpful" advice about her weight but they need to be made aware that it's not appropriate in a uk work place.

Next time it happens. Look them in the eye and say 'That's a really unpleasant thing to say.' If it continues, report to your manager. I think though that you really need to stand up for yourself too. I find that when you call people out on this shit, they tend to pack it in.

Follow the complaints procedure and make a formal complaint. Bullies get away with things because people like your manager don’t deal with them

Urgh, this is disgusting. There is nothing remotely 'helpful' in humiliating and degrading someone publically in front of colleagues. What hateful people you have the misfortune to work with. I'd be tempted to make a point of checking the time and writing down each comment anyone makes. Maybe even ask them to repeat it for you as you write. They may ask what you are doing, in which case you say, oh I'm just keeping a note of every incidence of bullying as advised by my union rep.
I would brace yourself though. It's completely wrong but, from experience, reporting bullying will probably make you the unpopular one. Foul people for some reason don't like having their toxicity pointed out to them.
Wishing you lots of luck, professionally and personally.