Fat shaming at work

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I know I'm fat. I'm 19 stone. However I have lost 4.5 stone in the last year

I work in an area of the nhs where we have to wear scrubs and the colours on the back of the neck indicate the size of the scrubs. I'm in the largest size of scrubs and I overheard my colleagues saying they'd be ashamed to be seen wearing such a big size. I'm actually quite happy I've made it to the biggest size because I had to buy my own previously!

It's just the latest comment in a series of shittiness.

We’ve been working our arses off because we’re seeing a lot of really sick covid patients so our hospital is basically giving us biscuits, tea and coffee for doing a good job.. everyone helps themselves to a packet of biscuits, there’s 3 in a pack 39 calories each.. every fucking time I get myself a pack of biscuits (maybe once a week) ‘ooh 14 I wouldn’t eat those if I were you’

The other day someone brought in a pack of donuts and I sat next to them. Someone I work with then said ‘oh guys I’m surprised there’s any left with them being next to 14down I don't even like donuts so just FUCK OFF

I’m eating noodles at 109 calories for a pot ‘oh I couldnt eat noodles every day, very heavy.. She then patted my stomach!!

Or the worst.. I’m having a miscarriage and one of my colleagues told me the reason I’m having it is because I’m fat. And that I don’t need ivf I just need to stop eating.

I’m fat because I was on anti psychotic medication and I have just had enough. So I’m going to make a complaint when I’m back in work. But my manager today said it's a cultural thing and the person who keeps telling me I'm too fat and making a point of making me feel shit is just trying to help..

I've fucking had enough. I'm so so close to just emailing to say that's enough here's my notice but I love my job. I just don't want to be judged when I eat there! I know I'm fat, I have eyes it's my body. But short of just taking a liquid diet to work I can't think of anything to do to get them all to stop making comments!

Aibu to tell them all to fuck off when I'm
Next in?

If you feel able to then responding immediately with a polite but assertive question like the below might help

'Why do do feel it's appropriate or professional to make offensive and hurtful comments about my weight?'

' Would you think it acceptable for me to comment on your weight and everything you eat?'

Your colleagues sound like horrible horrible people and your manager should be supporting you and working with you and the workforce as a whole to stop bullying not allowing it to continue.

I'm amazed that there is a hoppy that gives the staff coffee and biscuits! Ours has said we have to bring our own milk.

Definitely report this to HR
It’s totally unacceptable and rude of them

I'm so sorry this us happening to you. This is out and out bullying, and I would take it to your clinical nurse manager, and HR. I've worked for thr NHS for 20 years, and I am significantly overweight just now, and I have never experienced this. To be honest if I had, I would be telling them to fuck right off. Get the ball rolling today OP. You don't have to put up with this.

Bullying - persist with the formal complaints process.

I'm sorry for your loss, OP, these arseholes are being exceptionally cruel at a very difficult time. There's no excuse for that.

Find your anger, find your union rep and raise hell until they have been put back in their box. Nobody deserves to be treated like this.

Yes it’s cultural, your workplace has a culture of bullying. Tell HR.

Well done you on your weight loss.

I don’t think you should tell them to fuck off, however tempting and morally justifiable.

But I do think you should say, directly and assertively “I have had enough of everyone talking about my weight. I do need your diet advice, I am doing well on that front thank you. And as for the personal comments, stop being so rude. It is unkind and unprofessional”. Then don’t get drawn in. “I have told you what I think and that the end of it”.

I would also tell your manager how you feel, and how it makes you want to quit your job. It is disgraceful to allow such behaviour in a team. Say you expect to be able to do your job in a team without putting up with comments about your body.

‘Don’t need your diet advice’, obv.

Well done on your weight loss op I hope that you are feeling proud of that and don’t let these people make you think otherwise .

I can’t believe people actually say things like that to people , well I can but I can’t imagine why people think it’s ok ffs

This does sound awful. Re the scrubs comment- I would only mention that if it was clearly referencing you. An overheard comment someone is making about themselves not wanting to be in a larger clothing size isn't in itself unreasonable- it's bitchy if it's aimed at you, but not clear from your post that it was- so a manager can't really act on it. The other comments are offensive.

These people are bullying you. Its wildly innaproriate and unprofessional and I would be making a complaint

You are being bullied OP. I would report to HR

I dealt with something similar to this yesterday!

It is bullying. It is a pattern of behaviour. It is not ‘cultural’. It is harassment.

1. Read your trust’s policy on bullying, harassment and dignity at work.
2. Go back to your manager. If you do not want to go back to your manager, then go to a) her manager or b) HR.

You do not have to put up with this shit.

I hope you are in a union, because this is definitely bullying and harassment at work. Ask for a meeting with your manager and tell them what is being said to you. Don't accept any excuses for their behaviour.

Congratulations on the weight loss! Keep going and perhaps your colleagues will eventually realise how cruel and unnecessary their comments are.

You don't have to be a size 12 to do a sterling job either. I work with tiny people, larger people and average people and we all work as a team, currently in a covid recovery environment, so it's hard work. We also get lots of chocolates and boxes of biscuits from relatives and it's hard to stay on track at the best of times.

Keep eating your noodles and 39 calorie biscuits and rise above the unpleasantness.

Tell them to piss off, put in a formal complaint. Do NOT be fobbed off with "cultural". I don't give a toss if it's in their culture, in yours it's rude and in law it's bullying.

Do not give up your job, ensure that their job is on the line if they repeat this, frankly, disgusting behaviour.

And tell them "at least I'm doing something about my weight, what are you doing about your awful attitude?"

So sorry you're going through this. Please don't let someone's vitriol make you starve.

Congratulations on your weight loss. Your colleagues behaviour is not acceptable and needs to be managed. This isn't "cultural" it's bullying. Your trust must have a dignity at work / bullying policy. Start logging dates/times and the content of the comments.If are not in a union join one now. Finally don't let these individuals grind you down. You are far better than them.x

I don't give a toss if it's in their culture, in yours it's rude and in law it's bullying.

Well said

Congratulations on coming off olanzapne and losing weight.

Yes, this! It's a real achievement, especially at the moment with everything else going on as well.

The combination of bullies and a spineless boss is not a good one, 'cultural'? FFS. I'm so sorry you have to listen to that shit at work OP, no one should have to. I have worked a lot of places, and people have been rightly reprimanded for a lot less because there is an actual zero bullying policy, and bosses who have some backbone. What has been said to you is absolutely disgusting, they sound like an absolute (insert expletive here).

I'm not sure of NHS processes (but I can guess) but I really hope you manage to sort something and someone actually stands up to you

Wow I am flabberghasted reading that. Such blatant bullying!! So sorry OP.

I’m so angry for you. I’m shocked that grown adults in a caring profession are behaving this way.

It’s an absolute circus and you’re manager is the ringmaster. Tell your manager to do their job and to deal with it promptly and to your satisfaction or else you’ll make a grievance against your manager which means it will get escalated further up.

In my culture relatives think it’s acceptable to make fat jibes and pat my tummy too. I’m quick to shut them down and then they try telling me they’re concerned for me or just giving me tips because ‘you used to look beautiful’

I don’t accept this rubbish from family and there’s no way I’d accept it at work. To me, I’m in the UK and that crap isn’t okay here. Half the time it isn’t even acceptable ‘back home’ now but people like to get away with what they can. Every one just says it’s a cultural thing and it’s said with love when they want to plead innocence and that I shouldn’t be so sensitive.

Congrats to you on your weight loss so far. Stand up to your manager and let them deal with managing the situation.

Well done on losing weight. The people who made those comments are rude and mean. Do make an official complaint including against your manager. It is also a management issue if such behaviour is not being dealt with head on.

Yes tell them to fuck off, they sound like dreadful people!

They sound like thick bullies. Well done on your weight loss

I remember years ago being on a gynae ward as a patient. The nurses wore a particular colour according to seniority/grade and a woman who was a lower grade (lilac) seemed to be trying to bully someone who was the next grade up (blue) unless I'd misunderstood the grades. It was unpleasant and bizarre