Fat shaming at work

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I know I'm fat. I'm 19 stone. However I have lost 4.5 stone in the last year

I work in an area of the nhs where we have to wear scrubs and the colours on the back of the neck indicate the size of the scrubs. I'm in the largest size of scrubs and I overheard my colleagues saying they'd be ashamed to be seen wearing such a big size. I'm actually quite happy I've made it to the biggest size because I had to buy my own previously!

It's just the latest comment in a series of shittiness.

We’ve been working our arses off because we’re seeing a lot of really sick covid patients so our hospital is basically giving us biscuits, tea and coffee for doing a good job.. everyone helps themselves to a packet of biscuits, there’s 3 in a pack 39 calories each.. every fucking time I get myself a pack of biscuits (maybe once a week) ‘ooh 14 I wouldn’t eat those if I were you’

The other day someone brought in a pack of donuts and I sat next to them. Someone I work with then said ‘oh guys I’m surprised there’s any left with them being next to 14down I don't even like donuts so just FUCK OFF

I’m eating noodles at 109 calories for a pot ‘oh I couldnt eat noodles every day, very heavy.. She then patted my stomach!!

Or the worst.. I’m having a miscarriage and one of my colleagues told me the reason I’m having it is because I’m fat. And that I don’t need ivf I just need to stop eating.

I’m fat because I was on anti psychotic medication and I have just had enough. So I’m going to make a complaint when I’m back in work. But my manager today said it's a cultural thing and the person who keeps telling me I'm too fat and making a point of making me feel shit is just trying to help..

I've fucking had enough. I'm so so close to just emailing to say that's enough here's my notice but I love my job. I just don't want to be judged when I eat there! I know I'm fat, I have eyes it's my body. But short of just taking a liquid diet to work I can't think of anything to do to get them all to stop making comments!

Aibu to tell them all to fuck off when I'm
Next in?

It's bullying. There's no gray area here - it's simple. Bullying. It's not OK and it needs to be dealt with by your manager, if it isn't dealt with by your manager then put in a formal complaint via HR.

If you google "bullying in the NHS statistics" all sorts of links pop up, which you may find useful.

But my manager today said it's a cultural thing and the person who keeps telling me I'm too fat and making a point of making me feel shit is just trying to help..

Did you mention the stomach patting to your manager? That is a complete invasion of personal space - no one is entitled to physically touch your stomach! This colleague is obviously putting you down to make themselves feel good. It's not professional and it is not conducive to a good working environment.

Don't get into any discussions with your manager about your weight. Keep it professional and they should not be commenting at all unless they are very close to you, it's none of their business. Talk about the bullying and the way the colleague has been behaving.

If your manager maintains that the colleague is "just trying to help" then you need to take it further and put in a complaint about your manager, too.

I'm interested in whether other colleagues do it as well or is it just a particular one?

My friend is an employment lawyer who represents clients who have been harassed and bullied in the workplace. She told me that the NHS is absolutely the worst at dealing with bullying. Your manager is way out of order and is continuing the bullying by dismissing your concerns and excusing others behaviour. In reality it can be hugely stressful taking them to task and many people leave, much of my friends work is negotiating an exit package for the claimant.

Sorry you are experiencing this, personally I would take anyone to task if I overheard this but so many people stay quiet and allow it to continue.

Totally agree with so many, it's bullying and 'cultural' is a very poor excuse especially from people working in healthcare, who simply should have much higher standards of their own behaviour and ability to work with cultural differences. I have recently come into managing in the nhs after years of nursing and simply would be livid and deal with this robustly if it was in my team.

If you don't feel able to speak directly to your manager, trusts should have 'freedom to speak up' champions that are more independent. Might be worth a look on the staff intranet?

Massive well done on your weight loss and in holding your head above this bullying shit and doing your job, such an achievement without adding either a pandemic or coming off meds into the mix.

Is there anyone you get on well with in the team you could speak to and say how upsetting you're finding the comments? On the few times I have felt targeted at work (in my case by a very small
Number of men who repeatedly deliberately undermined me when I was in a leadership role one of them thought they should have got) I found it so supportive to know there was someone at work who knew and would just validate what was happening until I felt ready to address it. Sometimes they would challenge or take a different stance, but often just knowing someone 'noticed' helped massively. Often they would say it can't believe he just said/did that about something I hadn't even noticed as I had got so used to it! It really helped. Once I got my determination to address it up, it was surprisingly easily sorted. Bullies thrive on silencing.

From one nurse to another - you're brilliant, your colleagues and manager not so much; there are lovely lovely teams to work in. If you speak up clearly and it's not being heard I'd be careful how much energy to put into this role and think about moving to another post. Put yourself and your well-being at the top of the agenda. No reasonable manager/team would let this continue.

Call them a bully next time they comment. I've found that telling a bully that's exactly what they are/are doing can stop them and make them think. It also doubles as a hint to the sort of formal complaint that will be coming their way if they persist.

Good idea catless

in NHS i worked with someone who would comment that I was eating a cake, as we all were, I retaliated by offering her a piece, after i got over my initial shock at her rude attitude.

Bloody ‘cultural’ my arse. Agree with everyone else. It’s bullying and if they’re blaming culture my guess is that they’re terrified of dealing with it incase of a retaliatory complaint. Well that’s their problem, not yours.

It's bullying, don't deal with it yourself go to the union

Normally I think people are way to sensitive and keen to shout fat shaming, but that's awful

And well done for the weight loss so far

And thanks for the work you do

Straight to HR, OP, no messing around trying to explain anything or educate these fuckers.

in NHS i worked with someone who would comment that I was eating a cake, as we all were, I retaliated by offering her a piece, after i got over my initial shock at her rude attitude.

That's not retaliation, retaliation is asking her what business is it of hers what you're eating.

That's terrible. It's not "cultural", they're being fucking bitches.

It would be oh-so tempting to say "well I can lose weight, but you'll always be a judgemental bitch" in return, but that would likely get YOU into more trouble than them, sadly. You could think it to yourself though.

Instead, you could try "thanks for your interest, maybe tell someone who cares" and walk away?

It's awful though - it is workplace bullying and there is no excuse for it.

@NurseButtercup

It's not fat-shaming, they're bullying you & bollocks to your manager not doing his/her job to acknowledge & address this.

Bullying in the NHS is rife and acknowledged by NHS leadership teams as one of the top reasons why employees are on long term sickness and it affects patient safety.

Your manager has a duty of care, to protect, safeguard and create a working environment, that is conducive to positive mental health & wellbeing for every member of staff in their team.

Go back to your manager & tell them THIS.
Insist on making a FORMAL complaint.
Don't accept the excuse that it's banter or that you can't take a joke or it's the culture.

It's unacceptable and highly unprofessional behaviour.

Go to your manager's manager if your complaint isn't being formerly acknowledged & addressed.

Go to your union.

Congratulations on your weight loss and good luck with tackling these idiots.

100% this bullying is rife is the NHS because people are allowed to get away with it. Go straight to your union rep

Those were horrible comments at work. Also doesn't matter the weight people will find donuts and biscuits never mind noodles are not good healthy foods. They need to move to different better foods whether they need to lose weight or not. The NHS seems to peddle carbs and junk morning noon and night.

Firstly, I’m so sorry about your baby. That’s a horrible thing to go through, and having everyone pipe in with humiliating comments about your weight is intolerable. I also want to offer you congratulations on your weight loss. I know how difficult it is being overweight and dealing with people’s opinions and the shame. I also know how soul-destroying it is trying to lose weight when people won’t shut the fuck up about it. (I lost 60kgs, so I’m not talking about an insignificant weight loss, either.) You know when you do lose weight, those same fuckers are also going to try and take the credit, too. They’ll think they’ve been “supportive”. Call them out! I think a formal letter to HR about it, stating that you had been to your manager who minimised your very legitimate concerns would not be a bad idea. At the moment staff morale is low. You’re all exhausted. Nobody needs to be bullied in the workplace. That’s what this is.

@Cadent

Straight to HR, OP, no messing around trying to explain anything or educate these fuckers.

HR do sweet fa in the NHS, go straight to union rep

I was held up as an example of a “proper woman” because I have 4 children and I’m still slim.

I shit you not. Said in front of 4 women in an office by a consultant. One of the other women complained about him and was told it was his culture and they’d have a word. He then came to me the next week and laughed about it and reiterated that I was indeed a proper woman and they were just jealous because they were fat.

The NHS is rife with bullying and shitty behaviour

@justilou1

Firstly, I’m so sorry about your baby. That’s a horrible thing to go through, and having everyone pipe in with humiliating comments about your weight is intolerable. I also want to offer you congratulations on your weight loss. I know how difficult it is being overweight and dealing with people’s opinions and the shame. I also know how soul-destroying it is trying to lose weight when people won’t shut the fuck up about it. (I lost 60kgs, so I’m not talking about an insignificant weight loss, either.) You know when you do lose weight, those same fuckers are also going to try and take the credit, too. They’ll think they’ve been “supportive”. Call them out! I think a formal letter to HR about it, stating that you had been to your manager who minimised your very legitimate concerns would not be a bad idea. At the moment staff morale is low. You’re all exhausted. Nobody needs to be bullied in the workplace. That’s what this is.

what’s staff morale and exhaustion got to do with it? that’s ok excuse for vile bullying

Bullying is somehow cultural?!! That's the lamest excuse ever. I hate it when people try and justify this bad behaviour with such a pathetic excuse. Its like telling children at school, bullying is somehow 'character building'. If there is a way to take this complaint higher, I would. You do not deserve such bad treatment.

This is bullying. It also doesn't matter if you have lost weight or gained it the comments are completely unacceptable. Also especially disgusting coming from the NHS. Really shows why fat people have much worse treatment by health care professionals.

Definitely report this to hr. So sorry you're dealing with this.

Sorry to read what you've been through and enduring now.

HR would meet with the person and instruct them to stop in my Trust before going down the disciplinary route. HR will ask if your manager has done this, which clearly they haven't. Have you asked your manager to do anything? How many people is it? It isn't acceptable even if it is one, but your manager should have seen this for what it is if there are multiple people making these comments towards you.

As an aside @Toddlerteaplease drinks and snacks is one of the basics in the recommendations for staff wellbeing from NHSE&I and ICS Covid guidelines for Covid areas.

I've worked for the NHS for about 25 years and I'm close to your weight OP. The people I work with would never say anything like that to me, they have manners!

Well done on your hard work and progress, that's an amazing weight loss! I know it's really hard keeping up the motivation when you've got that much to lose, no-one ever seems to notice until you've been going for a really long time.

For me it was years of undiagnosed hypothyroidism. I put on about 5 stone in the 2 years before I was diagnosed. Once I was started on the thyroxine I was missing, all that stopped, but it's been hard trying to get the weight off again since. Best of luck with yours, you seem to be very much on the right track. Feel free to update us here, we'll cheer you on