Fat shaming at work

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I know I'm fat. I'm 19 stone. However I have lost 4.5 stone in the last year

I work in an area of the nhs where we have to wear scrubs and the colours on the back of the neck indicate the size of the scrubs. I'm in the largest size of scrubs and I overheard my colleagues saying they'd be ashamed to be seen wearing such a big size. I'm actually quite happy I've made it to the biggest size because I had to buy my own previously!

It's just the latest comment in a series of shittiness.

We’ve been working our arses off because we’re seeing a lot of really sick covid patients so our hospital is basically giving us biscuits, tea and coffee for doing a good job.. everyone helps themselves to a packet of biscuits, there’s 3 in a pack 39 calories each.. every fucking time I get myself a pack of biscuits (maybe once a week) ‘ooh 14 I wouldn’t eat those if I were you’

The other day someone brought in a pack of donuts and I sat next to them. Someone I work with then said ‘oh guys I’m surprised there’s any left with them being next to 14down I don't even like donuts so just FUCK OFF

I’m eating noodles at 109 calories for a pot ‘oh I couldnt eat noodles every day, very heavy.. She then patted my stomach!!

Or the worst.. I’m having a miscarriage and one of my colleagues told me the reason I’m having it is because I’m fat. And that I don’t need ivf I just need to stop eating.

I’m fat because I was on anti psychotic medication and I have just had enough. So I’m going to make a complaint when I’m back in work. But my manager today said it's a cultural thing and the person who keeps telling me I'm too fat and making a point of making me feel shit is just trying to help..

I've fucking had enough. I'm so so close to just emailing to say that's enough here's my notice but I love my job. I just don't want to be judged when I eat there! I know I'm fat, I have eyes it's my body. But short of just taking a liquid diet to work I can't think of anything to do to get them all to stop making comments!

Aibu to tell them all to fuck off when I'm
Next in?

The next time anyone says anything, say you’re offended and hurt by the constant comments and if you receive 1 more you will be going to HR to make a formal complaint. They’ll shit themselves

You have a problem op, in fact two problems. The first is your colleagues, the second is you are no doubt a nice, easy going person otherwise your colleagues wouldn't dare say that to you. Channel your mean side and tell them abruptly that you don't appreciate their comments next time they are rude to you. If it continues bypass your line manager and go to HR

Well done on your weight loss.

@MissMarpledarling, that's how comments like that should be dealt with. What a great boss!!

That’s an amazing achievement OP on the weight loss! I also work in the NHS as a clinician and manager and agree with other posters; it’s harassment and bullying. It’s shit your manager isn’t doing their job. I would raise it with the person in question if you feel comfortable and if not start recording evidence and if needs be go above your direct manager. Why should patients miss out on a dedicated person like yourself. Stay strong and keep going x

Appalled but not surprised, and I can't really add much to the comments already made about complaining. Except for the fact that if someone had "patted my stomach" they'd have walked away with broken fingers. That is neither culture nor "good intentions" - that is downright patronising and insulting, and nobody should need to be told that.

Maybe someone should tell these absolute idiot bullies that us fatties tend to drop dead too if we eat nothing.

Having a go at you for eating low calorie noodles or three biscuits, meals with less than two hundred calories while on shift at a busy physical job, that is totally disgusting.

The miscarriage comment is utterly despicable. It all warrants an official complaint for harrassment but that is just so....evil.

This is workplace bullying and you shouldn't have to put up with it. If you feel able to make a complaint, you should.

Sounds like bullying to me. There must be a policy/process for reporting this? Can you go to HR if your manager won't help? If it was just one comment I'd say ignore but it seems to be ongoing comments (and very rude ones at that).

If someone pats your belly at work you’re allowed to drug them and shave one of their eyebrows off.

Your manager’s response is awful.

I couldn’t imagine saying that to a colleague! It would also not be tolerated anywhere I’ve ever worked. I can’t believe your manager swept it under the carpet.
If you can stand up to those saying it - firmly putting them in their place I would. If it continues ask your manager to speak to the individuals concerned. Just not acceptable.
Well done on your weight loss :-)

I had to wear the biggest scrubs(the ones that have a raspberry colour band on them) when I worked nhs. I had 2 colleagues from a particular ethnic back ground who would wobble the backs of my arms or pat my belly.

I complained to the manager who told me that well I was fat and they were only thinking of my health oh and there wasn't anything she could do about it as its their "culture" so I should grow a thicker skin.

I wish I had the courage to take it higher than her. I was utterly miserable.

Well done on your weight loss. Don't let them get away with this shit.

Please go and see HR or your union.

This behaviour is not acceptable in any circumstances. They should be congratulating you on your successful weight loss. You must have great willpower to do so well when you also have a medical reason with difficulties in loosing weight.

Please continue with your weight loss journey - you are still allowed the occasional biscuit.

I’m outraged on your behalf OP. This is absolutely disgusting behaviour and your boss definitely needs to deal with this. I can’t believe the amount of people saying they’ve experienced similar the NHS. What on earth is wrong with people! This is not ok! I’m a teacher and the staff are all shapes and sizes in my school (and I’m not slim at a size 16). No one would ever dream about making a comment about a colleagues size. OP I really hope things improve for you.

OP, don't wait for 'one more time'. You must file an official harassment complaint to HR. Even one of the examples you provided would be enough for serious misconduct. It is absolute bullshit they care about you. People just think you are an easy target because you don't defend yourself

Go back to your manager and say I am sorry but I don't accept that these comments are cultural. Even if they were, it is a taboo in my culture to say such things and their culture does not trump mine.

Point out it is her duty to do something in these circumstances, What if they start taking a judgmental stance against patients with weight related side effects? This could end badly for the hospital and something needs to be done.

Say if he/she doesn't take it seriously, you'll go and find someone who will.

I've only read the first page so far, but I'm wondering just which "culture" finds rudeness acceptable.
On the other hand, I have to admit that the only bullying I've come across as an adult has come from
nurses, so this doesn't surprise me at all, but I'm so sorry its happening to you. I'd buy myself
some flowers - you deserve them.

This is disgusting don't let this make you give up your job. Take it further then your line manager
I'm on quetiapine and I have gained 4 stone in two years it sucks x

Unfortunately there are lots of cultures who think commenting on ones appearance is well within their rights, I'm from one of them. It's horrid and they need to be told it's not okay.

I don't understand this " culture " thing. Which cultures are Ok with personal, hurtful comments.
I am not ,repeat not ,racist, but how can this be acceptable?

@pinkgin85
I'm genuinely intrigued by the fact that in some cultures it is ok to comment publicly about someone's appearance.
Would you mind saying what culture you are from ?

This is awful, escalate your grievance, also op I am sorry for your loss.

@Pandoraslastchance

I had to wear the biggest scrubs(the ones that have a raspberry colour band on them) when I worked nhs. I had 2 colleagues from a particular ethnic back ground who would wobble the backs of my arms or pat my belly.

I complained to the manager who told me that well I was fat and they were only thinking of my health oh and there wasn't anything she could do about it as its their "culture" so I should grow a thicker skin.

I wish I had the courage to take it higher than her. I was utterly miserable.

Well done on your weight loss. Don't let them get away with this shit.

So the NHS is pandering to them because of their culture?

That's disgusting.

@randomer

I don't understand this " culture " thing. Which cultures are Ok with personal, hurtful comments. I am not ,repeat not ,racist, but how can this be acceptable?

In British culture its perfectly acceptable to give someone a punch in the face for being rude or nasty to our face about our appearance, unfortunately the law nor the nhs tolerate such behaviour which is a shame because a black eye or bust lip or nose would put a dead end to their nastiness

It's nothing to do with being a 'cultural' thing - it's plain bloody rudeness!! Well done on your weightloss OP. Definitely make a formal complaint and tell them where to shove their mean comments!