Fat shaming at work

[14down]

I know I'm fat. I'm 19 stone. However I have lost 4.5 stone in the last year

I work in an area of the nhs where we have to wear scrubs and the colours on the back of the neck indicate the size of the scrubs. I'm in the largest size of scrubs and I overheard my colleagues saying they'd be ashamed to be seen wearing such a big size. I'm actually quite happy I've made it to the biggest size because I had to buy my own previously!

It's just the latest comment in a series of shittiness.

We’ve been working our arses off because we’re seeing a lot of really sick covid patients so our hospital is basically giving us biscuits, tea and coffee for doing a good job.. everyone helps themselves to a packet of biscuits, there’s 3 in a pack 39 calories each.. every fucking time I get myself a pack of biscuits (maybe once a week) ‘ooh 14 I wouldn’t eat those if I were you’

The other day someone brought in a pack of donuts and I sat next to them. Someone I work with then said ‘oh guys I’m surprised there’s any left with them being next to 14down I don't even like donuts so just FUCK OFF

I’m eating noodles at 109 calories for a pot ‘oh I couldnt eat noodles every day, very heavy.. She then patted my stomach!!

Or the worst.. I’m having a miscarriage and one of my colleagues told me the reason I’m having it is because I’m fat. And that I don’t need ivf I just need to stop eating.

I’m fat because I was on anti psychotic medication and I have just had enough. So I’m going to make a complaint when I’m back in work. But my manager today said it's a cultural thing and the person who keeps telling me I'm too fat and making a point of making me feel shit is just trying to help..

I've fucking had enough. I'm so so close to just emailing to say that's enough here's my notice but I love my job. I just don't want to be judged when I eat there! I know I'm fat, I have eyes it's my body. But short of just taking a liquid diet to work I can't think of anything to do to get them all to stop making comments!

Aibu to tell them all to fuck off when I'm
Next in?

I wouldn’t swear or shout. Have a stock phrase to shut them down, like “your personal comments are not welcome”. I’d definitely make sure you were in a union, then I’d make a complaint referencing all the incidents since you raised it with your manager (and were fobbed off).

The miscarriage comment is evil and unforgivable, formal complaint just for that.
youre definitely being bullied.
i do think some people use culture as an excuse to be shitty human beings as weve gradually become a society of spineless woke bros!!....

As everyone else said, it’s bullying.
And your manager is useless. Tell HR you’re considering resigning but you love your job,
Huge well done on the weight loss and stabilise your mental health.

This is bullying...report it in writing to your manager and contact your union!

@14down you should work on my ward, we're all sizes & we don't ever shame each other over weight!

I sympathise with the anti psychotics weight gain as it's happened to me on certain meds, now I'm on Aripiprazole it slows me down but doesn't make me gain weight quite so fast.

Well done in getting into work scrubs & out of your own bought scrubs. But it's annoying that they have the size on them.
Though that wouldn't be an issue if it wasn't for the bitchy work colleagues.

Maybe do some bank work elsewhere in your hospital to see which wards / areas are nicer.
You could go to occupational health as you have MH problems & say that your colleagues are affecting your health & can they move you to a different ward preferably of your choice.

What “culture” is this where bullying is acceptable? Shocking. Straight to HR OP.

Bullying. Raise a grievance. Above your manager due to the fact they have already made their feelings clear that it’s acceptable.

@SchadenfreudePersonified

my manager today said it's a cultural thing and the person who keeps telling me I'm too fat and making a point of making me feel shit is just trying to help

If that is true, your manager needs to take that person aside and tell her to STFU, because in many other cultures - including British - comments like this are rude and demeaning.

The manager clearly needs retraining.

@twoshedsjackson

I have managed to lose a lot of weight; it wasn't easy, so sympathies and congratulations! I don't usually go for "tit for tat" but when provoked once too often, I finally looked the offender square in the eye, and said, "I've joined WeightWatchers. So far I've lost four stone. What are you doing about your appalling manners?" She was shaken that I had firmly refused the "butt of comment" role (excuse the pun!) and was upsetting the status quo by tackling the problem. In fairness, most friends and family have cheered me on; just remind yourself that it's the person making the digs who is insecure.

You're politer than me.

I would have pointed out that it's much easier to lose weight than change personality...

You've done brilliantly and should feel really proud of yourself - and to have lost so much weight in your circumstances is amazing.

I agree with the advice to respond directly to whoever is speaking about your weight - there are lots of examples of what to say in the advice above. Hopefully that will be enough to shame them and make them think.

Personally I would try this approach first because reporting to HR will magnify the problem, at least initially. If you can sort it yourself I would.

Well they can all piss off can't they!! How bloody rude! You sound lovely to me and no wonder you're pissed off. I wouldn't dream of ever commenting on somebody's weight or anything else for that matter. Your boss also sounds extremely shit and useless, nobody should be bullied because of the way they look. Is this not somebody above him you can go to?

Well done on your weight loss btw, that's a real achievement. Good luck x

I'm so sorry OP, I can imagine how difficult this must be for you to deal with. It's bullying plain and simple, and shouldn't be tolerated in any workplace. I hope you'll place a formal complaint against each and every one of them!

Telling a colleague they had a miscarriage because they’re overweight is absolutely horrendous. This is bullying- contact HR now, and start writing everything down.

I’d also be more assertive with the perpetrator now. “Why are you touching my stomach? Please do that again.”

OP your journey sounds similar to mine, I needed to lose a large amount of weight to access IVF, miscarriages included.
I was fortunate that no-one said anything about my weight to my face, I don't think I would have been responsible for my actions if they had.
You have experienced 100% 'normalised' bullying; please see if you have the mental resources to deal with this as others have suggested, through official channels. It will not be an easy journey but the only way to deal with it and them understand why it's not effective.

Congratulations on where you've come so far, if you are able to continue the weight loss, use that as your 'FO, look at me now, I'm changing, are you?!' method. Virtual hugs x

Well done on your recent weight loss- 4.5 stone is immense! And well done for not absolutely losing your shit and flipping your lid at these nasty bullies because I would have done it after the first comment tbh. Definitely put in a formal complaint. And thank you for all the amazing and hard work you've done during the pandemic

That’s horrendous and I would also complain - but to their faces and loudly.
Do not give up a job you love.
And huge congratulations on your weight loss!! you have done brilliantly so far.
And thank you for working so hard this last year, more people appreciate what the NHS has down than you will ever know. Thank you

*done not down

Thank you for all your work during the pandemic. From a patients point of view, it doesn’t matter if NHS staff are overweight, anorexic, have a thousand tattoos, have green and pink striped hair, it’s irrelevant . As long as they can do the job.

I agree it's bullying. Tell your manager it has to stop now. If it doesn't take out a formal grievance against the worst one.

Well done for your weight loss! Complain, they are being horrible and its cruel. I know I'm fat but when my male colleague told me I shouldn't have one of the biscuits as I'd getter 'fatter' my boss was right on it and had him in a meeting to discuss inappropriate comments at work. I didn't even have to complain. Your boss should be more supportive x

Well done on your loss so far that's an amazing achievement. I know it's difficult - but try to ignore them. Concentrate on life outside of work and other real friends rather than colleagues.

So much for the caring nhs!
Op I just want to say bloody well done! For losing weight and coming off your meds. You are amazing being able to do that with nasty colleagues and what’s going on with covid etc.
Please don’t let them take have free rent in your head.
Just remember that all they have to do is be nice - and they can’t even do that. You are awesome.

@14down I feel your pain ! My dad works for the nhs on the frontline and all I got was constant jabs about my weight constantly! Even when I went in to premature labour with my dd at 30 weeks I got shouted at and blamed that it was probably because I was morbidity obese! It wasn’t I had strep b infection in my placenta that caused my baby to be born early! I was 19 stone, there must be something that happens to your filter when working in the nhs

“ People do not realise how bitchy working for the NHS can be. They are very rude for commenting on anything. ”

Yep, there’s definitely a thing of “well I do an important job so i have carte Blanche to say what i want about stuff cos I’m so important” in some circles

I'm honest I'd get uncomfortable if I heard someone being shamed for being big. I remember I was having a conversation with a nurse and it was about a nurse I used to work with being bad to patients, she replied, I can't believe a nurse would say that, well here is proof in the ops thread, that yes some nurses can be cruel and nasty, some are not florance Nightingale!
And fair play to you for losing weight and well done to you, if I was working with you I'd be genuinely happy for you! keep up the amazing good work and try to look elsewhere in the nhs and get away from those terrible toxic people, honestly I wouldn't trust them with a cactus, let alone patients if that's what they say to their colleagues.