To be overreacting at husband for this???

[noraluv]

My husband and I have been together for 7 years and married for 2... baby #1 on the way in a few months. Naturally feeling big and hormonal.

Just recently I found out that my husband on multiple occasions has been picking his female colleague (attractive) on the way to work. Maybe twice alone? And the other occasions with another male colleague.

I'm not bothered about him doing a kind gesture of picking up his colleagues. I've met them all and they seem like a good friendly bunch.

We're an open book when it comes to looking at each other's phone and there's nothing to indicate the female colleague have anything more than just a work friendship. If anything she's always asking about me and my pregnancy, Work related convos etc.

What bothers me is that my husband didn't have the decency to just say or ask if it would be okay to pick up a female colleague. There's no mention of her when he's up earlier than usual some days? Assuming to pick her up. I can't help but feel annoyed and jealous.

He's even offered to book taxis on the day he says he can't pick her up which I find strange. He has clearly prioritised this colleague of his when most days my husband can't even be bothered to drop me off so I can go supermarket.

Am I being hormonal and insane or is this weird to you?? Let me know

I would think it's perfectly ok, but if he didn't mention it is just suspicious. Do you have a form for jealousy? Has it happened before?

I was about to say you're over reacting but the taxi bit is really weird.

Hmmm. What does he say when you speak to him about it?

Personally, I wouldn't worry about it. I don't think he needs to ask your permission to give a colleague a lift to work, female or not. Unless he is being sneaky and hiding his phone from you or something I don't think it sounds fishy. Perhaps you could say to him you'd like to know if he's doing it, and you'd also like a lift when you need one!

Is car-sharing allowed at the moment?

The first thing that leapt out at me from your op was your comment on decency to say or ask if he could pick female colleague up. I would not be happy if my husband said this to me. It sounds controlling. So maybe he’s not told you to avoid the drama. You also say it’s often with a male colleague - did he have to ask your permission for that as well?
The arranging a taxi is a bit weird though. But the rest I couldn’t get worked up about

I wouldn't mind him giving a female colleague a lift. I would mind him hiding it, booking her taxis for the days he can't take her and not giving you a lift to the supermarket.

I don't think the giving a lift is an issue but I do think it's weird not to mention it. Not that he needs to say 'do you mind if I give X a lift' because I don't think an adult needs to ask another adult for permission to give someone a lift. But I would think it's a bit strange not to say 'oh, I'm giving myself an extra five minutes this morning as I told X I would pick her up on the way'. And the offering to book her a taxi is very strange.

How did you find out?

@wellthatsunusual

I don't think the giving a lift is an issue but I do think it's weird not to mention it. Not that he needs to say 'do you mind if I give X a lift' because I don't think an adult needs to ask another adult for permission to give someone a lift. But I would think it's a bit strange not to say 'oh, I'm giving myself an extra five minutes this morning as I told X I would pick her up on the way'. And the offering to book her a taxi is very strange.

Agree.

Taxi bit is very weird!!!

I was going to say you you were unreasonable until you mentioned booking a taxi for her on the days off. Unless he has a scheme where she is paying him for the lifts? Although that does seem ridiculous as surely she could book her own taxi? I think you just need to ask him and judge how he reacts.

Sorry, why isn't she booking her own taxis?

And yes, covid car-sharing blah blah.

Why on earth is he booking her a taxi? presumably she is an adult who knows how to book one herself
That's weird

Seems odd that you expect him to ask you if he can pick up a colleague. Do you give him permission to do other things, or is he free to make his own choices?

Odd he hasn't mentioned picking her up, is he just avoiding confrontation with you?

It's not unreasonable/unusual to feel hormonal and to react differently when pregnant. It's not unreasonable/unusual to offer a colleague a lift unless you're in a pandemic! He's raised suspicion by not mentioning it and being bizarre by booking a taxi for her. Does hhe pay for her taxi? Does he do that for male colleague? I wouldn't currently give a lift/share a car/use a taxi with anyone. Ask him for the full story.

I think you’re unreasonable to expect him to ask your permission to pick up a colleague.

I think it’s strange that after several occasions he hasn’t mentioned picking up said colleague.

Is there a backstory? Just from what you’ve said it’s fine but if this is the cherry on the cake that’s a different story.

YABU lifts
YANBU taxis

Sounds fine to me. The lifts to work, that is.

But taxis? Have I read that right, he offers to book her a taxi on the days he can’t pick her up? That would piss me off because it doesn’t sound cheap.

Is there a backstory? Is he more involved and helpful towards strangers and you feel he doesn’t offer to help you enough?

So you e found out from looking at his phone - what did he say when you brought it up with him.

He doesn’t need to ask your permission but most people would mention it, and if it’s out of the ordinary (I.e. he’s usually not generous with his time this way, like your supermarket example) then I can see why you’re upset. Offering to book (and pay for?) a taxi is weird, unless his colleague is paying him for the lifts (& even then, quite unusual). What does he say about it?

Why is the taxi bit weird? I'm presuming work pay for the taxi and when you say 'he arranged' maybe he simply asked someone else to book it for her.
Stop looking for monsters where they don't exist.
He's being a decent human and helping someone get to work. I hope one day when you need help someone will be kind enough to give it to you too without your husband automatically thinking the worst.

I'm not sure I'd defend a man who won't give his pregnant wife a lift as a decent human being

@EssentialHummus

Sorry, why isn't she booking her own taxis?

And yes, covid car-sharing blah blah.

I’m wondering if Covid is playing into this e.g. colleague(s) usually get public transport to work and OP’s DH is trying to be nice and minimise their exposure (on basis he’s less risky than loads of strangers?) And why the taxis are a thing instead of public transport? If I were OP, especially pregnant, I’d be a bit annoyed he was breaking the rules car-sharing there so perhaps a reason why he hasn’t mentioned it?

All speculation though, OP needs to ask him!

Sounds completely fine to me. I'd hazard a guess that he didn't mention it because it seemed profoundly uninteresting and insignificant in his mind. Unless you asked why he was up early and he lied??

Also, how did you find out? If he spontaneously told you then ya definitely bu.

He could be organising "fake taxi" to collect her, in which case its absolutely fine. Don't threat. He'll be gentle. 🤣