To be overreacting at husband for this???

[noraluv]

My husband and I have been together for 7 years and married for 2... baby #1 on the way in a few months. Naturally feeling big and hormonal.

Just recently I found out that my husband on multiple occasions has been picking his female colleague (attractive) on the way to work. Maybe twice alone? And the other occasions with another male colleague.

I'm not bothered about him doing a kind gesture of picking up his colleagues. I've met them all and they seem like a good friendly bunch.

We're an open book when it comes to looking at each other's phone and there's nothing to indicate the female colleague have anything more than just a work friendship. If anything she's always asking about me and my pregnancy, Work related convos etc.

What bothers me is that my husband didn't have the decency to just say or ask if it would be okay to pick up a female colleague. There's no mention of her when he's up earlier than usual some days? Assuming to pick her up. I can't help but feel annoyed and jealous.

He's even offered to book taxis on the day he says he can't pick her up which I find strange. He has clearly prioritised this colleague of his when most days my husband can't even be bothered to drop me off so I can go supermarket.

Am I being hormonal and insane or is this weird to you?? Let me know

You sound a little controlling to me.

What else does he have to get your permission for?

No he doesnt need to ask your permission to give a colleague a lift to work. It's kind of him to offer to book a taxi when he cant pick them up. You have married a kind and thoughtful man.

I don’t think he needs to ask you at all however I’d be annoyed if he won’t drop you off to the supper market.

That’s what I’d be annoyed about.

Ask if it's ok? Is that really something you expect?

[quote JamesMiddletonsMarshmallows]@Henio well I think it's fair for me to ask you if you think his sole motivation for giving a lift to a female colleague is because he fancies her or wants sex, what's the motivation for giving a lift to his male colleague?

It must be shit to be an "attractive woman" (I haven't been one for quite some time 😂) always being accused of trying to Nick other people's husbands. As far as we know the OP's husband could look like a jacket potato that someone stepped on and she needn't flatter herself that he's sought after by an attractive woman[/quote]
He may look that way 🤦‍♀️😄 That's fair, but I'm talking more about the fact he's going out of his way to help this 'attractive woman and not his pregnant wife (supermarket lifts) he's obviously not just a 'helpful person' if to cba to help out his wife

I'm probably overthinking it but maybe the OP wants a lift to coincide with the sex siren of a colleague being in the car so she can assert her dominance on the man the sex siren likely wouldn't look twice at? And he's said no because, well frankly it's inconvenient and embarrassing.

@Hankunamatata - a kind and thoughtful man that won’t drop his pregnant wife at the supermarket? Yes he sounds like a gem 🙄

@Henio I think it's likely the female colleague is on the way to work and he doesn't have to put himself out too much? And until we know about the supermarket thing I don't think we can judge. If I had an OH who asked me to drop them off at the supermarket at inconvenient times I'd say no too

@JamesMiddletonsMarshmallows we don't that she is on the way to work though do we? he leaves earlier to pick her up which would suggest he needs to go further than usual. We are all making assumptions 😆 we definitely need more info

You'd think he would have mentioned it in passing everyday conversation. I would have.

The not taking you to the shops is wrong and him organising taxis for her is wrong too.
She can organise her own taxi. Men seldom do things for women they aren't attracted to so on some level he is white knighting her.

I find the ride sharing inconvenient anyway as I don't want to be fixed to someone elses schedule. i.e stay late if I want to, nip off to the shops after work, etc.

Men seldom do things for women they aren't attracted to so on some level he is white knighting her.

Does this mean all my many male friends fancy me

Would you batter an eyelid if he was picking a male colleague up? I use to pick my colleague up on the way up to work she was female but my boss once asked me to drop a male colleague off before albeit I wasn't pleased about it as it was out my way but my dh wouldn't have been upset about it.

Would you prefer she wasn't attractive OP??

Giving her a lift- totally Normal

Needing to ask you!- not normal,he is a grown up and he does not need your permission to give a colleague (albeit female) a lift!!

Booking her taxis- strange! Not normal

Havent read all replies, I have no problem with my phone and I dont look at anyone else's, my point is that phones we never used to have suddenley seem to be the cause of paranoia, break ups etc, not for everyone but since when did a silly little item become so precious, go back to the better life, leave your phones for a few weeks and I bet there really is no need to pick them up, they are a thing not a person that hold information so before them surely husbands used to have the bank account deal with the bill paying it wasnt a problem then, just my view ,

@Timeforredwine no. I use my phone for everything from ordering a supermarket shop to making work calls and keeping in touch with family I can't see due to COVID. Would I fuck ever put it away for weeks on end to placate the unreasonable feelings of a paranoid partner

unless theres a backstory he doesnt need to ask you to give people lifts-but the taxi thing is weird does he own the company or anything

I didnt mean put away for partner I use my phone too for just about everything but i dont give 2 hoots if my husband picked it up to use, such a different world now, its strange how people arent allowed to ask a question these days or have feelings. Phones are the absolute cause of problems for a majority of couples, not me.

@Timeforredwine no, cheating partners are to blame for cheating, not phones.

You're not cooler or a better wife for not caring if your DH reads your phone. Some of us value our privacy and trust.

I was going to say you were being a bit over sensitive too, but why the taxi's? Surely she can call one herself.
I'd be asking why he prioritises getting up early for the lifts and not taking you to the supermarket, that's just mean.

surely we are in lockdown and shouldn't be giving anyone lifts unless its our job as a taxi driver or they are in our bubble?

so yes, I'd expect to be told about the risk he is taking in doing this.

I was going to say YWBU until you mentioned about him organising taxis for her if he can't pick her up, also the fact he will get up earlier to be able to collect her but doesn't go out of his way for his wife when you need a lift somewhere would piss me off

I’m surprised at the responses on here. Hell yes I’d be suspicious if my dh was giving a female colleague lifts (and leaving earlier than usual to do it) and failed to mention it. That immediately makes it a bit weird.

The booking taxis for her weirder still.

The fact he can’t be arsed to take pregnant Op to the supermarket either just tops it off!

Doesn’t mean he’s cheating but I think the Op has every right to be annoyed.

@BeautifulStar why not be suspicious when it's a man or elderley or unattractive woman?

We're an open book when it comes to looking at each other's phone and there's nothing to indicate the female colleague have anything more than just a work friendship. If anything she's always asking about me and my pregnancy, Work related convos etc.

DH and I use each others phones all the time, if one needs charging or if I get an email I want him to read I'll give him my phone and say there is an email from x and he will read it, we know each others passcodes, etc. But what you are doing if different, I wouldn't be checking all of DH's messages, etc, that is odd.

Before covid I would sometimes give colleagues a lift if they lived my way or wanted dropping somewhere on my route, it would make no difference whether that colleague was male or female and I would rarely mention it to DH. I also used to go for lunch, drinks and sometimes dinner with both male and female colleagues, if it was dinner or after work drinks I would tell DH I was going out after work with work mates but it wouldn't cross my mind to confirm their gender, in fact I think DH would find it strange if I pointed out that I was going out with male colleagues.

I can't put my finger on it but I find your post controlling