To be overreacting at husband for this???

[noraluv]

My husband and I have been together for 7 years and married for 2... baby #1 on the way in a few months. Naturally feeling big and hormonal.

Just recently I found out that my husband on multiple occasions has been picking his female colleague (attractive) on the way to work. Maybe twice alone? And the other occasions with another male colleague.

I'm not bothered about him doing a kind gesture of picking up his colleagues. I've met them all and they seem like a good friendly bunch.

We're an open book when it comes to looking at each other's phone and there's nothing to indicate the female colleague have anything more than just a work friendship. If anything she's always asking about me and my pregnancy, Work related convos etc.

What bothers me is that my husband didn't have the decency to just say or ask if it would be okay to pick up a female colleague. There's no mention of her when he's up earlier than usual some days? Assuming to pick her up. I can't help but feel annoyed and jealous.

He's even offered to book taxis on the day he says he can't pick her up which I find strange. He has clearly prioritised this colleague of his when most days my husband can't even be bothered to drop me off so I can go supermarket.

Am I being hormonal and insane or is this weird to you?? Let me know

Can’t look at anyone’s phone, don’t you have finger print or face recognition locking it? We have nothing to hide btw but just can’t anyway.

DH would just mention that he’s leaving a bit early to pick ‘whoever’ up. It would come up in conversation. He’s taken a sick colleague home before when she couldn’t drive herself. It’s part of the day and we talk about our day every evening.

The taxi and lifts to the supermarket need more detail.

If he couldn't pick his colleague U.K. when he promised so sorted a taxi that's fair enough. If OP is asking to be taken to the supermarket at awkward times - eg on his way to work meaning it's a detour and he'd be late - the fair enough as well.

But I suspect OP won't be back to answer

I dont think your husband needs to ask permission to give someone a lift to work. Is there a reason you dont trust him around females alone?

What bothers me is that my husband didn't have the decency to just say or ask if it would be okay to pick up a female colleague

I'm the only driver in our house and in a similar situation I'd probably mention it to my hubsand but certainly would not see the need to ask him!

YANBU, does he actually pay for these taxis too?

Smells dodgy.

Can we just think for a moment what we'd say if a woman came into MN and said her DH checked her phone and was going nuts because he found out she gave a male colleague a lift without his permission?

@JamesMiddletonsMarshmallows you are very eager in your posts to do the whole "well if this were a man...." scenario, so perhaps try being accurate rather than selectively summarising the op to suit your point?

This is not just about giving a lift to a female colleague and "not asking permission" This is simplistic.

OP is heavily pregnant and he will not put himself out to give her lifts, but is getting up earlier to give a colleague lifts - disrespectful

Baby is due imminently and he should be spending as much time at home as possible when this happens, not extending the time out of the home. This is a reasonable point for her to raise with him.

Offering to book a taxi for a grown up colleague is also odd, unless say he's her PA?

@chocolateorangeinhaler

Why is the taxi bit weird? I'm presuming work pay for the taxi and when you say 'he arranged' maybe he simply asked someone else to book it for her. Stop looking for monsters where they don't exist. He's being a decent human and helping someone get to work. I hope one day when you need help someone will be kind enough to give it to you too without your husband automatically thinking the worst.

Well work places do not usually pay for an employee to get to work in a taxi, so I would not presume that at all. It is weird because it is not his responsibility to get the colleague to work and why can’t she book her own taxi.

JamesMiddletonsMarshmallows you are very eager in your posts to do the whole "well if this were a man...." scenario, so perhaps try being accurate rather than selectively summarising the op to suit your point?

I have no idea what you mean by this? How am I not being accurate? The OP is mad because her husband didn't get permission to give a woman he works with a lift.

Baby is due imminently and he should be spending as much time at home as possible when this happens, not extending the time out of the home

You think that he shouldn't give people a lift so that he can spend a few extra minutes at home because his wife is pregnant how odd. What does his wife need him for a few extra minutes for?

Offering to book a taxi for a grown up colleague is also odd, unless say he's her PA?

Not if he's let her down on picking her up and sent an Uber or similar. That's what I'd do 🤷‍♀️

I agree that it's weird he didn't mention it and I would be suspicious.

OP is heavily pregnant and he will not put himself out to give her lifts, but is getting up earlier to give a colleague lifts - disrespectful
You're jumping to conclusions though. Maybe OP has asked for lifts when he is in the middle of an activity or still in bed. We don't know the context behind him saying no.

As for the taxi matter, maybe he offered to.oick her up then couldn't at the last minute felt bad and cane up with the it stupid thing he found think of, to order a taxi.

OP has nothing to go on to suspect wrong doing. Her jealousy is what could push him to feel suffocated.

@doctorhamster would you find it suspicious if he only gave a male colleagues lift and don't mention it? What about if the woman was middle aged or unattractive or married - would that suspicious too?

Yep, I'd be wondering why he has never mentioned it...

The lift thing wouldn’t bother me, if it was on his route anyway. The taxi thing is really weird - why can’t she book her own?!

Yes it would @JamesMiddletonsMarshmallows. Only because DH and I would always mention something like that to each other and I'd want to know why he hasn't told me.

@doctorhamster

Yes it would *@JamesMiddletonsMarshmallows*. Only because DH and I would always mention something like that to each other and I'd want to know why he hasn't told me.

Of course it would if it was just a bloke.

I don't personally think it's healthy to mention every movement and interaction of the day and be suspicious of certain interactions weren't mentioned. Sounds like a very untrusting relationship

I don’t see an issue. Would you care if she wasn’t ‘attractive’? If I was picking up a male colleague on my way to work I wouldn’t mention it because it’s a boring piece of information that DP wouldn’t care about- maybe that’s his thought process

OP, I'm heavily pregnant too. I have absolutely no idea who my partner gives lifts too. Neither am I bothered.
You sound very controlling.

The lift thing wouldn't bother me on its own, but it would bother me because he doesn't give you lifts when you need them or could use them to travel a bit more comfortable during pregnancy.
The taxi thing is super odd?! I mean what is that all about?!

@dontdisturbmenow

You're jumping to conclusions though. Maybe OP has asked for lifts when he is in the middle of an activity or still in bed.

Why don’t you ASK OP instead of guessing all in the DH’s favour?

Why are you going through his phone, OP? That would drive me nuts if it was my partner.

Nothing do with 'open book' or whatever you want to term it. What is your actual reason for deciding to go through his phone and read his messages???

It's extremely weird and controlling.

This is how im looking at it... do you all think he'd go out of his way to book a taxi for his male colleague?

[quote SendMeHome]@Aaaaaah Fake Taxi is a porn thing.[/quote]
Well I never, everyday is a school day, thank you

I think you are over-reacting and thats why he didn't mention it. She should book her own taxi though. It does sound like you don't trust him an inch. Has he form for cheating. In which case I can see why you're suspicious.

YANBU - that's really weird. My Ex always used to say - "look at my phone - there's nothing there!" to prove his fidelity when I picked up on some weird behaviour . It was only later that I found out he used 3 different sim cards and had several different whatsapp accounts linked to those numbers to hide the fact that he was having multiple affairs - whilst I was pregnant.....