Page 8 | To be overreacting at husband for this???

Tarantallegra · 15/02/2021 12:36

The taxi bit is weird but the rest of it is you overreacting yes. It's just such a non-event that I wouldn't think to mention to my husband. I wouldn't be hiding it but giving someone a lift to work when they are on my way would be no more significant to my day than what time I had my coffee break. I really don't get the taxi thing though, I wouldn't do that.

ImaginaryCat · 15/02/2021 12:40

I frequently drop my male boss at the train station on my way home. In 8 years I don't think I've ever mentioned doing so to DH. If it was relevant to a conversation we were having I'd bring it up. But it never has been.

However, if I was unable to offer that lift, I'd never take steps to arrange an alternative for him. And paying for a taxi would be bloody weird!

Coffeepot72 · 15/02/2021 12:48

Maybe it’s the taxi thing that’s making the OP uneasy? If it was just normal lifts maybe she wouldn’t be posting? I thought she was overreacting until I read about the taxis, and now I think she’s got a point.

youvegottenminuteslynn · 15/02/2021 12:49

@luckylavender

I can't put my finger on it but I find your post controlling

It's the language she's used, it's incredibly controlling here:

What bothers me is that my husband didn't have the decency to just say or ask if it would be okay to pick up a female colleague.

If a woman posted saying "my husband had a go at me for giving a male colleague lifts, saying I didn't have the 'decent to ask him' beforehand" then everyone would quite rightly say he was a controlling arsehole.

Sueslip · 15/02/2021 13:23

Doesn’t she have girlfriends who can give her a lift?
How would he feel if a handsome guy were taking you to the supermarket or booking you a taxi when he couldn’t do it?
This is unacceptable because he hasn’t cleared any of this with you.
If you put up with this and it escalates into full-blown adultery...???
Confront now. Don’t put it off.

youvegottenminuteslynn · 15/02/2021 13:26

@Sueslip

Doesn’t she have girlfriends who can give her a lift? How would he feel if a handsome guy were taking you to the supermarket or booking you a taxi when he couldn’t do it? This is unacceptable because he hasn’t cleared any of this with you. If you put up with this and it escalates into full-blown adultery...??? Confront now. Don’t put it off.

Just to check in case my radar is off - this is sarcastic, right?!

CKL987 · 15/02/2021 13:30

My husband wouldn't even think to tell me as he wouldn't think it is of any interest/relevance, and if I told him something like that I know he wouldn't care and would wonder why I'm telling him. Pre-lockdown, we didn't tell each other who we go out with for lunch at work etc.

BillMasen · 15/02/2021 13:35

@Sueslip

Doesn’t she have girlfriends who can give her a lift? How would he feel if a handsome guy were taking you to the supermarket or booking you a taxi when he couldn’t do it? This is unacceptable because he hasn’t cleared any of this with you. If you put up with this and it escalates into full-blown adultery...??? Confront now. Don’t put it off.

Wtaf

Sueslip · 15/02/2021 13:52

No, it’s not sarcasm.
This is about equality in a relationship. Mutual respect. Being considerate of one another’s feelings.

BillMasen · 15/02/2021 13:56

@Sueslip

No, it’s not sarcasm. This is about equality in a relationship. Mutual respect. Being considerate of one another’s feelings.

“He hasn’t cleared any of it with you”

That’s not mutual respect that’s control

Timeforredwine · 15/02/2021 14:02

It is respect as why wouldn't you mention it though?

youvegottenminuteslynn · 15/02/2021 14:09

@Sueslip

No, it’s not sarcasm. This is about equality in a relationship. Mutual respect. Being considerate of one another’s feelings.

Having to get lifts from a female because your partner thinks you may up shagging a male who gives you lifts isn't a marker of a respectful relationship. It's the marker of a controlling, shit relationship. I feel really sad for you that you think otherwise.

Lexilooo · 15/02/2021 14:13

Re the taxi, could it be that he has the seniority/authority to book a taxi on the work account?

Alonelonelyloner · 15/02/2021 14:14

Yes OP you are overreacting. He doesn't need to ask your permission to give work colleagues a lift whether they have a vagina or not. My DP wouldn't think to mention it and it wouldn't occur to me to expect it.

Sueslip · 15/02/2021 14:21

Having to get lifts from a female because your partner thinks you may up shagging a male who gives you lifts isn't a marker of a respectful relationship. It's the marker of a controlling, shit relationship. I feel really sad for you that you think otherwise.

Being inconsiderate of your partners feelings who is pregnant with your child is an act of pure selfishness.
As I said earlier, if the shoe was on the other foot and she was giving lifts to strange men and couldn’t care less how that made you feel. That isn’t an equal, loving relationship. That’s messed up.

youvegottenminuteslynn · 15/02/2021 14:39

@Sueslip

Having to get lifts from a female because your partner thinks you may up shagging a male who gives you lifts isn't a marker of a respectful relationship. It's the marker of a controlling, shit relationship. I feel really sad for you that you think otherwise.

Being inconsiderate of your partners feelings who is pregnant with your child is an act of pure selfishness.
As I said earlier, if the shoe was on the other foot and she was giving lifts to strange men and couldn’t care less how that made you feel. That isn’t an equal, loving relationship. That’s messed up.

It's your prerogative how you choose to conduct yourself in a relationship but your lack of trust in your partner and your perception of relationship dynamics are warped.

youvegottenminuteslynn · 15/02/2021 14:41

Oh and @Sueslip, getting a lift from a 'random man' is rather different to sharing a life with a colleague who happens to be of the opposite sex. You're over dramatising hypothetical comparisons for effect so they aren't actually comparable.

Proudboomer · 15/02/2021 14:42

Over the years I have given many a male colleague lifts.
So far I have managed to stop myself from falling on their penis.
Or is it only female passengers who fall on a random penis?

Taikoo · 15/02/2021 15:05

The fact that you're heavily pregnant and he'll begrudge you a lift to the supermarket is very, VERY bad.
I wouldn't be happy with any of this. At all.
He sounds very selfish.

Charley50 · 15/02/2021 15:45

Has the OP been back?

KrisAkabusi · 15/02/2021 15:52

The taxi bit is slightly odd, but why on earth should he ask you if he can give a lift to someone?

Cadent · 15/02/2021 15:56

I think people are missing the point. Giving random lifts is fine, but the DH seems to have decided he is responsible for getting this woman to work, to the point of booking taxis for her and on top, he begrudges giving lifts to his own 'big and hormonal' pregnant wife.

Look at the whole picture people.

georgarina · 15/02/2021 16:12

It's one of those 'nothing but something' things.

Yes it could be nothing.

Or it could be that you're getting lifts every day, you're talking every day, then you're getting lunch, drinks after work...not saying that WILL happen just that some couples have boundaries in place to make sure things don't get too familiar with anyone else.

I personally wouldn't like it. Especially because he's booking her taxis and making a special effort when he doesn't give his pregnant wife a lift to the supermarket. And I would expect him to respect me not being comfortable with it.

Flipflopfoodle · 15/02/2021 16:20

@noraluv

My husband and I have been together for 7 years and married for 2... baby #1 on the way in a few months. Naturally feeling big and hormonal.

Just recently I found out that my husband on multiple occasions has been picking his female colleague (attractive) on the way to work. Maybe twice alone? And the other occasions with another male colleague.

I'm not bothered about him doing a kind gesture of picking up his colleagues. I've met them all and they seem like a good friendly bunch.

We're an open book when it comes to looking at each other's phone and there's nothing to indicate the female colleague have anything more than just a work friendship. If anything she's always asking about me and my pregnancy, Work related convos etc.

What bothers me is that my husband didn't have the decency to just say or ask if it would be okay to pick up a female colleague. There's no mention of her when he's up earlier than usual some days? Assuming to pick her up. I can't help but feel annoyed and jealous.

He's even offered to book taxis on the day he says he can't pick her up which I find strange. He has clearly prioritised this colleague of his when most days my husband can't even be bothered to drop me off so I can go supermarket.

Am I being hormonal and insane or is this weird to you?? Let me know

Possible Troll?

JamesMiddletonsMarshmallows · 15/02/2021 16:32

@Timeforredwine

It is respect as why wouldn't you mention it though?

Why would you mention something so boring and irrelevant? If you need your partner to take you through a catalogue of who they spoke to or interacted with every day to you have very big problems in your relationship