To be overreacting at husband for this???

[noraluv]

My husband and I have been together for 7 years and married for 2... baby #1 on the way in a few months. Naturally feeling big and hormonal.

Just recently I found out that my husband on multiple occasions has been picking his female colleague (attractive) on the way to work. Maybe twice alone? And the other occasions with another male colleague.

I'm not bothered about him doing a kind gesture of picking up his colleagues. I've met them all and they seem like a good friendly bunch.

We're an open book when it comes to looking at each other's phone and there's nothing to indicate the female colleague have anything more than just a work friendship. If anything she's always asking about me and my pregnancy, Work related convos etc.

What bothers me is that my husband didn't have the decency to just say or ask if it would be okay to pick up a female colleague. There's no mention of her when he's up earlier than usual some days? Assuming to pick her up. I can't help but feel annoyed and jealous.

He's even offered to book taxis on the day he says he can't pick her up which I find strange. He has clearly prioritised this colleague of his when most days my husband can't even be bothered to drop me off so I can go supermarket.

Am I being hormonal and insane or is this weird to you?? Let me know

I don’t think you’re over reacting.

Why is he offering to sort taxis? That is odd! Why has he not discussed this with you before car sharing? Are you in the uk- it’s illegal here.

Think of it the other way around- would you sort taxis for a male colleague- or any colleague fit that matter unless it’s your job?

I was also ok until I heard he offered to book taxis for her. What’s that all about? Cant she use the phone or an App?

The taxi thing is a bit weird but he doesn’t have to ask your permission to give someone a lift

My ex H cheated on me when I was pregnant
I had a difficult pregnancy and his excuse was that we hadn't had sex for 6 months!
Apparently cheating during a wife's pregnancy is .more common than people think.
I'm not saying your husband is cheating but at the very least h sounds as if he's flattered and the fact he automatically hid it from you is a red flag in itself.
Even if it's completely innocent I would be pissed off that he's going out of his way to be considerate to this woman when he should be putting you first.

What bothers me is that my husband didn't have the decency to just say or ask if it would be okay to pick up a female colleague

Because he doesn't need to ask your permission, I have to say I wouldn't ask my DH if I was allowed to give a male colleague a lift, and wouldn't expect him to ask me if he was driving a female colleague. That along with checking his phone sounds a bit controlling, are you always like this, or has it esculated since being pregnant?

He sounds like an arse for not bothering to take you to the supermarket, but I wouldn't be fussed on the colleague thing, unless there's a huge backstory somewhere.

I’d be upset about covid risk when pregnant. Car sharing is putting you at increased risk. Also agree taxi thing is just strange...!

Has he also offered to book taxis for the male colleague? If so then I don't see a problem. Not taking you to supermarkets is another issue.

Sounds like you're overthinking it to me. He shouldn't need to ask your permission to give someone a lift. The taxi thing isn't wierd, he promised to give her a lift then couldn't so offered to make other arrangements for her as is a decent thing to do.

@HankMarvinjg

He could be organising "fake taxi" to collect her, in which case its absolutely fine. Don't threat. He'll be gentle. 🤣

What does that mean?

Why would he need to ask your permission?
Why would he be car sharing with two others?
Why won’t he drop you off anywhere?
Have you asked him why he’s booking her taxis?

I disagree with some pp's. While he doesn't need to ask your permission, I would expect him to say he'd made this arrangement.

The taxis are ridiculous though. She a grown woman who can make a call to a cab company or use Uber.

Op I think you’re being a little jealous and insecure. He doesn’t need to ask your permission to pick up a colleague. He also picks up a male one. Personally I’d not see it as a big deal and I’m not sure I’d even remember to mention it. You get if he wants to he can be alone with her at work right?

I would say Google it, but I'd also advise you don't 🤣

I thought you were building up to saying you were concerned about covid from lift sharing which would-be a valid concern

The taxi is well odd, why does he say she can't book a taxi herself?

Yabu regarding the lift - he doesn’t have to mention it to you does he? I occasionally give an occasional colleague a lift in to work myself and I don’t make a point of telling my husband about it. I certainly don’t check that he’s okay with it. I don’t need his permission to give someone a lift.

The taxi bit is strange - what do you mean he offers to book a taxi? Why?

I would expect it to be mentioned, booking taxis a bit odd? Does he pick up on his normal route to work or is he going out of the way hence up earlier? Do you know his work colleagues? How often does he pick up male colleague. Wouldn't think too much of it though unless he had kept it a secret.

I'd think it was weird if my dh announced he had given a woman a lift to work. He certainly wouldn't ask my permission.

How did you 'recently find out?'.

The taxi booking is definitely weird though.

Sorry but it's ridiculous and controlling to expect him to ask to pick up a colleague!

When I was married i gave loads of male colleagues lifts. From young interns to men on the cusp of retirement. Never occurred to me i had to tell my husband

It wouldn't even occur to me to mention to other half about giving someone a lift . Taxi thing wouldn't bother me.

The problem is on MN if a guy went to the shop for a pint of milk on his own he will be guilty of shagging someone on route .

The ordinary lift bit is fine and I don't see why he would specially mention it to you if he wouldn't for a male colleguae but this bit:

He's even offered to book taxis on the day he says he can't pick her up which I find strange. He has clearly prioritised this colleague of his when most days my husband can't even be bothered to drop me off so I can go supermarket.

from your op doesn't sound good to me. I'd want to know why he was booking taxis for another adult?

Its weird because he hasn't told you, I'm guessing he drops her off too...
Once your baby is here will this private taxi business still be his priority?
How much earlier does he leave? If its a big detour he should get her/them to participate in cost
If its 5 mins. OK, if its an hour, that will be 2 hours out of the day when he is prioritizing this woman over you & your baby.
Tell him to think about that.
As for booking a taxi, sorry, she is neither his wife nor daughter. So sod that

The taxi thing sounds like a classic people pleaser move

Can we just think for a moment what we'd say if a woman came into MN and said her DH checked her phone and was going nuts because he found out she gave a male colleague a lift without his permission?

The taxi element makes him sound very eager to please her. Which is odd.

Did he tell you this or did you find out another way? If he’s hidden it, I wouldn’t be very comfortable.

And FYI, asking about the pregnant wife isn’t necessarily a good thing, sometimes it can mask another motivation.

OP, it's really hard to say without more information.

Does he book a taxi for his male colleague too? (Like maybe he's a manager and work pays for it, not sure?)

He shouldn't need to ask permission and I agree it's really controlling.

The problem is that he won't give his own wife a lift, have you asked him why/explained how it makes you feel?