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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Covid has made this website toxic

219 replies

Asrui · 01/02/2021 07:24

From last March to now there has been a preponderance of sanctimonious, patronising posts on here judging others and trying to depress people. It has just shown such a nasty side to people and imo the moderators of the site have been at fault for not having intervened to close down these posters.

OP posts:
HugeAckmansWife · 01/02/2021 07:49

I don't disagree that it's brought out an unpleasant side but completely disagree it should be more closely monitored. This is a site for grown ups. No-one has to read or post on it. You get just as nasty exchanges about trans issues, breastfeeding, affairs, even P&C parking spaces. It's robust, not for everyone, but also not compulsory do that's fine.

IncludeWomenInTheSequel · 01/02/2021 07:52

A lot of people have really indulged their nasty side.

Example: yesterday a newly pregnant woman posted asking if she could eat something safely. The first response was a sarcastic twat offering her a grip. Being in the early weeks of pregnancy can be overwhelming and this woman just wanted to ask a simple question.

There's just no need. Vile and sarcastic seems to be the default here now and I'm really, really tired of it. It's habit that keeps me here really.

AlternativePerspective · 01/02/2021 07:59

I think that if MN HQ moderated more closely there wouldn’t be a site left.

COVID aside, bitchy sarcastic vile replies are the norm now, and people justify it by saying that because a post is in AIBU it’s no more than people should expect.

I’ve actually not seen one entirely positive thread on this site for months, possibly even years now. Even if someone did start a positive thread I have 0 doubt that someone would come on and say that “this is a vile thread, don’t people realise that some people out there are dying/have lost loved ones/their jobs, and now people are daring to be positive?” Hmm

I do think the antivaxx posts should be removed though.

MaxThePasta · 01/02/2021 08:00

YANBU.

If I have to read the words 'its a pandemic' in response to literally anything one more time I'm going to lose my mind.

DoraChance · 01/02/2021 08:02

Completely agree. Robust is one thing but so many posters seem to be falling over themselves to be deliberately obnoxious these days.

SmidgenofaPigeon · 01/02/2021 08:03

@IncludeWomenInTheSequel that is a fair point, however if it’s the woman I’m thinking of, she has been absolutely flooding the pregnancy and conception boards with her anxiety and questions about what she shouldn’t be eating, only five weeks pregnant so maybe the poster was right in telling her to calm down a bit (although definitely nicer ways than saying get a grip)

MrsMercedes · 01/02/2021 08:04

Nah it’s always been this way here

peak2021 · 01/02/2021 08:06

I don't think it has changed, other than perhaps there being more threads. The response from MN HQ is much better than on many other social sites that I have come across.

People write things they would not be prepared to say via a phone call, text, or in person.

WalrusWife · 01/02/2021 08:06

Mumsnet has always been toxic. I’m guessing lonely, unhappy women sitting at home all day in lockdown have made posters nastier. Why not take out your aggression on random internet people as they can’t in real life?

sapnupuas · 01/02/2021 08:09

The pandemic has honestly turned me into a bit of a cunt

Gliblet · 01/02/2021 08:09

AIBU has always been toxic. Posting here usually guarantees someone who is having a crappy day and just wanted to let off steam about 6 pages of responses, 5 pages of which will be people saying 'OH MY GOD YOU IDIOT WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?' no matter what the OP has actually said/experienced.

Quite a lot of the same assumptions, behaviour and reaction-heavy replying seems to have transferred across to the Covid board. I suppose because it's something everyone has an opinion about. There's not one of us who doesn't have 'skin in the game' which will always heighten emotions when responding.

Imapotato · 01/02/2021 08:09

AIBU has always been fairly toxic.

Pimlicojo · 01/02/2021 08:13

I was shocked to see some of the comments about Captain Tom last night. There are some people on here who are full of hate.

lightand · 01/02/2021 08:13

I find their tag line annoying
"by parents for parents"
It is neither exclusively by parents, and the for parents bit jars, when you read comments by some posters.
Like being given presents you dont like sometimes.

WalrusWife · 01/02/2021 08:14

I find it weird that if a poster disagrees with your opinion they think it fine to start saying you are stupid / mentally ill etc.

I had one poster follow me to another unrelated post when I politely disagreed with her. Said I was selfish for getting pregnant when just starting a new job and that she didn’t know if it was baby hormones or my personality but my colleagues would be relieved when I went on maternity leave. I mean, WTF? Who acts like that in real life?

On another post, somebody said I couldn’t possibly have a Master’s degree as I made a spelling mistake and then a pile on started. Nasty.

lightand · 01/02/2021 08:17

I was too @Pimlicojo
There seems to be frequent name changing on this site, so had sort of assumed that a few posters were stirring or whatever, across the boards.
But going by that thread, there are many posters who hate.

I have also noticed that on AIBU votes, often there are up to 20% votes, who agree or disagree about things that I wouldnt have thought were a problem.

OhWhyNot · 01/02/2021 08:18

Mumsnet has always been a mixture of great support and being toxic even in the good old days

It’s a public forum that’s what happens

No doubt people are bored (or more so that usual) and irritable and enjoy bullying strangers

SavannahMiasMum · 01/02/2021 08:19

Brexit had the same effect

orchidsonabudget · 01/02/2021 08:19

This site has always had judgy people
Mnhq have an impossible job

lightand · 01/02/2021 08:20

@WalrusWife I noticed that
I am long enough in the tooth to now shrug and ignore.

I dont know what MN can do about any of it. It is a social media site, so most people can write anything, at least in the first instance.

Plus people are worried anxious fed up etc . Tempers are frayed.

AtlasPine · 01/02/2021 08:20

I’ve been on here for fifteen years under a few different names. It’s always had an element of toxicity and unpleasantness but I agree that recently there has been an increase in unpleasant sniping and sneering.

The worse thing though is the way a thread can be diverted by those posts - people are much more likely to pile on and join the bully. If you want things to change, you need to challenge the bully, their followers and change the tone of the thread back to helpful/empathic or sympathetic. A few careful words can sometimes largely do that.

IncludeWomenInTheSequel · 01/02/2021 08:23

@sapnupuas

The pandemic has honestly turned me into a bit of a cunt
Oh my god we should give out badges saying that Grin
CountessFrog · 01/02/2021 08:23

Ive been here for 16 years and I’m inclined to agree with the OP. Also, I think the average IQ has fallen dramatically.

MindfulBitch · 01/02/2021 08:24

@peak2021

I don't think it has changed, other than perhaps there being more threads. The response from MN HQ is much better than on many other social sites that I have come across.

People write things they would not be prepared to say via a phone call, text, or in person.

Yes I agree there is a lot of rudeness that just wouldn't happen if it were face to face or in a call, text etc.
FoolsAssassin · 01/02/2021 08:24

@AtlasPine

I’ve been on here for fifteen years under a few different names. It’s always had an element of toxicity and unpleasantness but I agree that recently there has been an increase in unpleasant sniping and sneering.

The worse thing though is the way a thread can be diverted by those posts - people are much more likely to pile on and join the bully. If you want things to change, you need to challenge the bully, their followers and change the tone of the thread back to helpful/empathic or sympathetic. A few careful words can sometimes largely do that.

I’ve been around for about 18 years and agree with this.

AIBU is always full of people who will argue whatever someone writes. There are some supportive threads in other areas.