Covid has made this website toxic

[Asrui]

From last March to now there has been a preponderance of sanctimonious, patronising posts on here judging others and trying to depress people. It has just shown such a nasty side to people and imo the moderators of the site have been at fault for not having intervened to close down these posters.

What I can't get over is that anyone would still start a thread and expect decent advice and not a savaging! I sometimes wonder if people do read mumsnet before writing. This is a huge shame as on certain topics, such as relationship standards and getting out of debt, some posters have literally transformed someone else's life with their advice. I wouldn't post for advice myself ever, it's just inviting a pile-on and even in previously sensible places like Relationships, which used to be sympathetic to posters who had got into difficulties such as abuse, aggression and violence, people are now being blamed for their choices.

It's not just covid. Mumsnet is full of toxic sorts. Before covid it was Brexit. You cant say anything without being jumped on and misunderstood.

But I've said YABU because of that. It was always toxic not become toxic.

'Twas ever thus...however, posters in the olden days of MN were clever enough to bite back with soundly constructed arguments, without resorting to spewing bile or trading personal insults. Some had to in those days, true, but there were far fewer of them.

The tone of a thread has always been dictated by the first response, that's an internet-wide phenomenon (hence "first post!" crowing on other sites).

Believe it or not, MN didn't used to have AIBU... we managed to be vitriolic on a thread regardless of which board it was on.

They do HazeyJane, they do! But no-one hears their voices anymore.

It's just following on from the vileness that Brexit attracted.

Brexit, Covid (and now the vaccine seems to have created more groups) seem to have given more defined groupthinks. You have leavers v remainers, covid downplayers v covid upplayers, the anxious v head-in-the-sanders.

The vitriol is breathtaking sometimes - attacks on intelligence (there always has been an obsession with intelligence on MN - anyone disagreeing or thinking difference = thick/stupid).

There also seems to be more groupthink threads congratulating themselves on their thinking - in which no critical thinking is allowed; you think the exact same and respond with seal clapping or you prepare to get "ripped apart".

It's a shame really, never has there been a time when a purely entertaining thread would be more welcome. I'm not too sure if there ever was a fun thread about something daft where there wasn't at least one poster who took offence. When did it become a requirement to add 'lighthearted' to the subject (which seems to make no difference anyway!)

@Imapotato

AIBU has always been fairly toxic.

It is a lot nastier when there is a lockdown though.

I have said for a long time that something needs to be done about the AIBU topic.

I even posted a thread in site stuff saying that MN should do something about it as it’s seen as a free for all and that someone can post the most sensitive post there and are piled on and then told it’s their own fault for posting in AIBU.

Just because a post is on one part of the boards doesn’t make that post any less valid than on another, or give posters the right to say whatever they want.

If a pub had a reputation for being somewhere where women were regularly assaulted, would you say a woman was at fault for being assaulted if she went there? That’s exactly the kind of opinion some seem to attribute to AIBU.

YaNBU - Covid is killing our economy and mental health. We need to think of this as much as we need to think of Covid as a nasty virus.

I've here on and off forever (remember moldiegate anyone?). It has always been robust with a definite megabitch element, but yes I think it's the worst it's been for nastiness. And I also think the overall IQ level has gone down, probably because MN has a bit of a rep and attracts the bad/stupid/nasty as well as genuine posters.

I've only been on Mumsnet a few years, so I don't know what it was like years ago. I haven't posted on anything in the last week after a thread I was on was removed. It was disturbing. The poster was suffering with mental health issues. They said they wanted to leave family life as their mental health couldn't cope. Had exhausted most options. Anti depressants, councillors, support groups doctors etc but wanted to keep trying. Generally seemed like a decent person going through a hard time. They got called disgusting, a closet homosexual and a sociopath. Reason? The poster was a man not a women.
I don't know what topic the post was originally posted in but it was moved to the mental health topic. That didn't stop the tirade of abuse he got tho. He literally said he was suicidal and that's the response he got.... I hope he's ok because that would of pushed a lot of people over the edge. That post really put me off this website. The only reason I'm still on here is so I can watch the CF threads.

As for why the antivaxx threads should be removed. Antivaxx is dangerous. We have now lost our measles free status because of antivaxxers, people use a platform to pedal inaccurate and dangerous information none of which has any medical basis, and that kind of dangerous scaremongering doesn’t deserve a platform.

I think this site has always been like this but maybe the pandemic has brought it out more as we are all feeling a little more sensitive? I actually came off here for about a year (I'm under a new name now) after I posted asking people for opinions/advice on whether I was being unreasonable feeling that myself and my OH should be sharing our money and costs more due to him earning 3 times as much as me and me working part time to look after our LG I mentioned in the post we were getting married and how much it cost and I got absolutely crucified, I even got called a bad Mum for spending 'so much' on my wedding when I have a child (bare in mind I do have savings and don't struggle) when I mentioned that I was then told I was bragging!! (Also I would like to add how much we spent was way below national average of how much a wedding is). I felt down for days afterwards and really let people get under my skin so decided to leave. I've only recently returned because I'm pregnant and feeling better in myself. I also will never ask advice again as I think people will jump on you no matter what you say! You just can't seem to do anything right on this forum.

If you don't like what's being posted, the answer is at your fingertips - post what you think is better

But given what you think of it ther MNetters, it might be better to have a fresh start on one of the many, many other platforms which might be more closely aligned with how you see the world

I don’t think the vote button helps. SM in general appears to be often devoid of critical thought and nuanced discussion, and anything that encourages this polarisation isn’t going to help. Why must we dumb everything down?
People are so stressed right now, and perhaps letting off steam here stops kids getting shouted at or dogs getting kicked in Rl? I don’t know.
I have a soft spot for these vipers though. I’ve been here under different names forever and have a Woolley hug blanket from a group of them. I’ve also been shown huge generous support during some really dark times. And I’ve had great fun at times too.
On the flip side yesterday someone actually argued against an OP that they couldn’t need a carer, have a disability and hold down a job. The lack of empathy, the unashamed disablism (?) and self righteousness in the face of someone just asking for advice was truly shocking.
Posters like that really need to think about the person they are attacking, and the effect that could have. If they met the same person in real life would they feel alright with being so cruel? I hope not.

YABU, choose more carefully what you read.

I voted YABU. Not because I don't think its toxic, but because it's always been toxic and COVID is just another source. Mention that you voted Tory or Brexit and you get the same responses 🤷🏻‍♀️

Between Brexit, Trans, Trump and Covid. It has gone from bad to worse.

Not sure that any more deletions will help. Unfortunately the twatly masses can't help themselves. The only way to stop them is by switching MN off altogether.

It was always toxic lmao

I was on netmums for 15 years before recently coming here (kept getting wrongly accused of spreading false information) it's much more bitchy here but also generally much more intelligent. I guess that's the trade off.

Please note: I did not specify left twats or right twats.

I feel it's more divisive, in real life most people (I know) can see both sides whereas that concept doesn't seem to exist on some threads.
I've also been surprised by the narrow view many posters have & the lack of perspective. Hence why you get the posters without nursery age children wanting nurseries shut & thinking others are selfish or the posters who want a super strict lockdown but have a secure job wfh. Not much nuance.
I assumed BLM made more people aware of the concept of privilege not just in racial terms but financial etc. but not so it seems.

@AStudyinPink

I don’t think it’s Covid and I don’t think it’s AIBU or MN.

The internet makes people behave like this. It drives groupthink and convinces people they are right all the time. That makes people behave badly.

I agree @AStudyinPink

I have been on here under diff names (as I post personal stuff sometimes) and I do think it has 'got worse' but I don't think it is just MN.
But I do think the situation we are all in has heightened things. It has brought out the best in some but certainly the worse in others. Brexit, Covid, IndyRef2 to come etc. It divides people who then find their tribe online and become more vociferous and more divided.

YANBU

I don't think MN is 'toxic'.

If you venture out of AIBU and Coronavirus once in a while then it's fine. Hide some threads, hide some topics maybe?