Covid has made this website toxic

[Asrui]

From last March to now there has been a preponderance of sanctimonious, patronising posts on here judging others and trying to depress people. It has just shown such a nasty side to people and imo the moderators of the site have been at fault for not having intervened to close down these posters.

[quote SmidgenofaPigeon]@IncludeWomenInTheSequel that is a fair point, however if it’s the woman I’m thinking of, she has been absolutely flooding the pregnancy and conception boards with her anxiety and questions about what she shouldn’t be eating, only five weeks pregnant so maybe the poster was right in telling her to calm down a bit (although definitely nicer ways than saying get a grip)[/quote]
The keywords in your post were 'with her anxiety'.

Either treat people like that with a small amount of empathy or just don't reply! It's not fucking mandatory and some people just choose to revel in their imaginary superiority over others.

I'm starting to call it out now, I've lost my shit with the nastiness. Whereas a few weeks ago I said someone was 'a keyboard warrior' and that got deleted as a personal attack. That was possibly the mildest insult ever used on these boards.

There are petty, sniping posters who will nitpick and derail threads and bully the OP, this has always existed. I have always been shocked that AIBU board is a green light for this behaviour and maybe this category should be deleted.

People are also derailing threads by bringing covid into the conversation as a hitting stick.
If we could bring in NO COVID into the title of the thread (like the TV category has NO SPOILERS) then we could keep topics in line and it is easier to report derailers to the moderators.

I also think a vote down option on comments would work, this could hide nasty comments until the moderators take a look at it.

I don’t think it’s Covid and I don’t think it’s AIBU or MN.

The internet makes people behave like this. It drives groupthink and convinces people they are right all the time. That makes people behave badly.

I dunno.. .I remember being newly pregnant over 14 yes ago and asking for recommendations for a pub in London that sold non alcoholic beer to meet a group of friends so I could look like I was still drinking (it would have been a dead give away and I had good reason not to share that early). I remember being told to get over myself and stop being so precious . Just rolled with it and ignored the more ahem robust feedback

I don't think covid has made it like that, it's just brought it to the surface more.

MN is a toxic unpleasant place and has slowly transformed once mnhq took the aibu from another forum and encouraged flame wars because it got press attention, clicks and ultimately cash.

My teenage daughter and her friends laugh at the advice given here and it's all a bit of a joke site to people of that age.

Some people do come here to punch people when they're down and mnhq seem to think that's fine l.

To be really honest, I think that Mumsnet has been toxic for quite a while now. All you have to do is look on any Brexit or trans threads and the nastiness is quite astonishing. It has gone from being somewhere you come for advice and light relief to somewhere you are afraid to post on because of the pile on and nastiness you will inevitably be met with.

MN was toxic long before Covid, but I agree it hasn’t helped.

I think your right, there's been so much negativity and scaremongering, even posters encouraging panic buying and posters who won't be happy until we have a N. Korea regime! I do think on the Internet though, people thrive of misery, you just need to read the comment section on most news publications.

@AlternativePerspective

I do think the antivaxx posts should be removed though.
I think it would be a backward step to not allow posts just because we don't agree with them. How do you decide what should and shouldn't be removed?

I remember more fun, witty, funny, positive stuff on here before too. But that was 10 years ago when I had my first baby. Has always been forthright but I remember more supportive stuff and fewer pile-ons. And yes I think it is sanctimonious in tone now.

I used to call out people I do it less now. Once called out a popular poster oh my how I was turned on

It can be cliquey on here (something that many so often deny) and there is often an element of smug competitiveness

But there is and always has been a huge amount of support this I find quite moving at times

And agree it’s not always necessary to give a response especially when someone is asking for support rather then asking a question (and so what if it’s in AIBU people post there becuase it’s the most frequented)

And as for the correcting grammar and then the threads about how annoying it is oh please get over yourselves it’s nasty bullying

I am fairly new here (to posting, been lurked for years) and AIBU has always been something you need a thicker skin for. But during Covid, you get called a murderer for doing perfectly legal things. It is the same with social media too. On FB, I have seen friends of decades fall out with each other over Covid related arguments (more often then not, their different interpretations of the guidelines). Both here and on FB, a discussion can start about Covid, and end up with very nasty personal insults being hurled about.
People are feeling a general lack of control in their lives right now so take the frustration out on others and try to control them.

I have been around for a while and I feel things have changed a lot recently. MN used to have loads of fun threads and was great for supportive advice. Certainly there were still snarky and vitriolic posters but far fewer than there are now.

Yesterday I got a few very snarky responses on a thread I started in Style and Beauty about buying comfortable trousers. I did raise an eyebrow but I am very robust and can cope.

Lots of people are currently at a very low ebb and snarky, nasty posters ae making things a whole lot worse. I find things better if I hide the whole Coronavirus topic.

I agree that AIBU has affected the time of the whole site.

Also There seems to be an increased level of people who can’t disagree without adding ‘FFS’, or ‘get a grip’ or ‘snowflake’. Or think they are being superior for slinging ‘professionally offended’ into the thread. If you disagree with the OP, just calmly say so and state why. No need for the hissing aggro and contempt.

But people have cabin fever, high levels of boredom, anxiety and frustration. Irritation thresholds go down.

Nah, Brexit made it toxic before. And plenty of SAHP v WOHP threads attract some extraordinary vile posts.

Also, any thread about religion or class.

Mumsnet is just a reflection of society as a whole I'm afraid (maybe in a more condensed form). And society is pretty divided nowadays in many ways.

I have avoided all the Corona virus threads and stuck to my usual more friendly haunts on here. There are plenty of helpful supportive corners of Mumsnet if you look hard enough.

I voted YABU because the anger and vitriol here has been around a lot longer than Covid. AIBU is the worst and I’ve noticed it’s started to creep onto relationships board recently, which is usually a very supportive board. I try to stick to other boards where people aren’t so angry.

I do agree there are some horrible and unnecessary posts. For instance, yesterday there was a post about Captain Sir Tom Moore being admitted to hospital with Covid. There were some lovely supportive posts but also many posts saying his death wouldn't be a tragedy at 100 years old and others slating his family for going on a holiday to Barbados (which was perfectly legal as he was in a tier 2 area).

If a poster's dad was in the same situation, I wouldn't expect people to pile on and tell them if their dad died it won't be a tragedy.

Although on the flip side... I think there’s been an uptick in people starting goady threads, especially covid topic in aibu etc. Almost as if it’s intentional to get posters frothing.

I don't know, I've been here years and years and I remember seeing lots of awful threads. Also back then you used to see posters ganging together to pick on OPs. I'd say there was definitely less of that now.

It has changed, and it definitely feels more toxic. Some of that is me feeling more fragile, desperate and exasperated, and some of that is a culture of people feeling emboldened to be an arsehole 'tell it like it is'

I also think it's a combination of people being more prickly and anxious because of Covid

People being drawn to the site purely for a battle

A general sense of a chasm between people over the last few years, people are on one side or another, there is no room for nuance, no room for discussion, it feels like you're either a cunt or you're not.

I miss mumsnet as it was, even though there are glimmers of it here and there (but I'll probably be told I am a cliquey cunt for saying so!)

But I must admit that I’ve been spending more time here while missing seeing family/friends/colleagues to chat about random life things... but the way people converse here often resembles nothing like normal, light-hearted, sympathetic conversation IRL

To be honest, I find your opening post sanctimonious, patronising and judgmental.

...oh and nobody reads threads any more...NOBODY!!!

This is the second post you've made about this (that I've noticed, could be others). Does it really require 2 threads? If this website makes you angry then I suggest stepping away for a while.