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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Covid has made this website toxic

219 replies

Asrui · 01/02/2021 07:24

From last March to now there has been a preponderance of sanctimonious, patronising posts on here judging others and trying to depress people. It has just shown such a nasty side to people and imo the moderators of the site have been at fault for not having intervened to close down these posters.

OP posts:
Magschoice · 01/02/2021 10:29

I agree

InDreamland · 01/02/2021 10:31

In AIBU yes but it's always had nasty people posting nasty, judgemental and/or sarcastic comments pre-covid. There are some lovely supportive and friendly areas of MN which I've been so grateful for over the years like the miscarriage, conception and Christmas boards.

Lotusmonster · 01/02/2021 10:32

@SushiSoozie

Your OP is pretty toxic so you fit right in.
Eh? If you take that stance you’re basically saying ‘don’t touch’ ‘nothings up for debate’.....I find nothing toxic at all about the OP, she’s just trying to have a debate and apparently a lot of people agree with her.
MarshaBradyo · 01/02/2021 10:32

There’s still some threads and posters who are better tg.

But it has become more tense with Covid for other areas

Ikora · 01/02/2021 10:38

I can’t remember the quote unfortunately but a Vicar who remained in London at the time of the plague in 1665 said the prolonged fear and social isolation had the awful effect of people losing their pity and empathy for others. Something along those lines. It feels like that in some respects.

SushiSoozie · 01/02/2021 10:42

Eh? If you take that stance you’re basically saying ‘don’t touch’ ‘nothings up for debate’.....I find nothing toxic at all about the OP, she’s just trying to have a debate and apparently a lot of people agree with her.

Are you serious? Who starts a debate with "you're all sanctimonious, judgy, depressing, toxic, nasty people and the mods are crap"?

Oh I get it, you thought she meant everyone else, but not you? Sweet.

hibbledibble · 01/02/2021 10:44

Yanbu

Aibu is has a large proportion of utterly vile people. Luckily what is the norm here, doesn't appear to be the norm in real life.

I have had posters be abusive to me because I said that, as a doctor who has worked on covid wards during the pandemic, I have PTSD. There is no compassion here.

hibbledibble · 01/02/2021 10:46

Lately there does seem to be a lot of anti-nhs worker threads and posts, which I do personally find very sad. Especially given the horrific year that NHS staff have had.

redsquirrelfan · 01/02/2021 10:49

@Imapotato

AIBU has always been fairly toxic.
I agree.

While there might be nothing left if MN moderated a bit more effectively (I do think some of the thread deletions are a bit odd) I think some of the nastier swearing should be banned.

The thing that really amazes me on here is how people lack self-awareness. They genuinely seem to think that they are perfect people and never do wrong. I have tried to work out why this is - and wondered if it's because they always fitted in at school, had friends, didn't annoy their teachers, generally got on ok with their parents and so grew up thinking that they are genuinely perfect individuals.

I was more of a rebel and didn't fit in at school so I always knew I wasn't perfect.

But my DH didn't say boo to a goose as a child, and he doesn't think he's perfect. So I don't think that's it, either.

Just self-delusion like Trump?

Sparklingbrook · 01/02/2021 10:51

These threads tend to be started by posters who have recently started a thread which did not go too well...

Volcanoexplorer · 01/02/2021 10:53

OP I agree, this site has definitely become nastier and more judgmental. I’m finding myself hiding more and more threads. I long for the days of ‘fat balls’ etc when there were some really funny stories.

Sparklingbrook · 01/02/2021 10:54

Maybe we could do with another 'Penis Beaker' but something a bit more believable/funny to go viral.

Gliblet · 01/02/2021 10:55

@SushiSoozie

Eh? If you take that stance you’re basically saying ‘don’t touch’ ‘nothings up for debate’.....I find nothing toxic at all about the OP, she’s just trying to have a debate and apparently a lot of people agree with her.

Are you serious? Who starts a debate with "you're all sanctimonious, judgy, depressing, toxic, nasty people and the mods are crap"?

Oh I get it, you thought she meant everyone else, but not you? Sweet.

They didn't - your post Sushi is selective to say the least, and tbh is a very good demonstration of what the OP was all about. A preponderance (not all) of posts (not members) since March (not all the time)... but with a little exaggeration it suddenly becomes a lot more unpleasant. A tiny shift the other way, and it doesn't. I'm definitely seeing more posts here recently that are based on someone choosing to see the unpleasant potential rather than reading what's there.
Tellmetruth4 · 01/02/2021 11:05

YANBU. I think there are a lot of very unhappy people on here who need to take their unhappiness out on others. As they say misery loves company.

There was one yesterday where someone asked if the recipient of a gift she had sent had been rude and it just turned in to an unnecessary pile on with people saying flowers and chocolates were shit gifts and the OP was cheap etc. It was weird. You can also see it on the bin man thread. It’s like they want to world to be as angry and nihilistic as possible to match their rage.

MozzchopsThirty · 01/02/2021 11:11

I was going to post something similar OP

I have been on MN for 17 years and have never seen it like it is now.
People will be nasty, sarcastic, make up their own stories, make assumptions
I can't see any of it being said in RL some of it is just downright rude and I'm a big believer in straight talking

I've found it a sad reflection of how women are willing to treat each other

HeadSpin5 · 01/02/2021 11:22

I don’t disagree with a lot of the comments here, but it does baffle me how invested some people are in what’s posted on MN. By that I mean those who away they are seriously considering leaving their job over the anonymous opinions of anonymous random people - really? Using MN is not a compulsory activity.

Faffandahalf · 01/02/2021 11:31

I posted something horrible a few days ago and have been thinking about it since. I would never say it to someone in real life, why did I have to kick someone when they were down? I just typed it and hit post quite happily snd then read it back and thought ‘what a cunt’
So I’m avoiding posting right now. I’m so frustrated and irritable in my own life that I can’t trust myself not to take it out on some random on the internet. It feels like a release from your own anger/misery I think but that doesn’t make it right obviously. I was totally wrong.

Herbalremedy · 01/02/2021 11:32

The thing that really amazes me on here is how people lack self-awareness. They genuinely seem to think that they are perfect people and never do wrong

Yes I totally agree with this and wierdly, a lot of disapproval seems to be aimed at mothers. Mothers are flamed for all sorts of things ; for raising their voices, god forbid shouting or losing their temper with their DC, for not practicing gentle- attachment parenting, or for seemingly having any issue at all with their teenagers, for wearing *mumsy" clothes, for not washing their bath towels and scrubbing the house with a toothbrush daily or cooking perfectly nutritionally balanced gourmet food, for not insisting their DC shower three times a day, for being an ounce overweight, for under-performing in the career or relationship department; they are basically villified if they are anything less than than perfect.

No wonder people are continually going "low contact" or "no contact" with their parents who are perfectly nice and normal but failing human beings! (Not talking about abusive situations obviously.)

ForeverAutumn85 · 01/02/2021 11:33

I've deactivated my Facebook account today after being on it for donkeys years. It feels like I cant say anything without someone wanting to challenge me, make out I'm stupid, or read my posts wrong and think something opposite of what I was saying.
Its so hurtful.
Even offline I've noticed the general public are becoming more hostile. I had a woman leave her shopping trolley next to my car paintwork and leave. As she left I shook my head. She came at me so viscously. I went home and cried. The first lockdown people were more.. together. More community. This lockdown I guess everyone's angry and frustrated, and more likely to take it out on each other. Feeling so fragile today. I cant cope with society.

GeordieGreigsButtButtZoom · 01/02/2021 11:35

@MozzchopsThirty

I was going to post something similar OP

I have been on MN for 17 years and have never seen it like it is now.
People will be nasty, sarcastic, make up their own stories, make assumptions
I can't see any of it being said in RL some of it is just downright rude and I'm a big believer in straight talking

I've found it a sad reflection of how women are willing to treat each other

It really isn't limited to female-centric online spaces.
CherryValanc · 01/02/2021 11:42

@HeadSpin5

I don’t disagree with a lot of the comments here, but it does baffle me how invested some people are in what’s posted on MN. By that I mean those who away they are seriously considering leaving their job over the anonymous opinions of anonymous random people - really? Using MN is not a compulsory activity.
Get what you mean - it's not compulsory. But I think the issue is that posters don't want to have to give it up - because it should be a form of entertment - or at least there be threads where it is.

While MN has always had an element of nasty vindictive posters they weren't everywhere. There were plenty other non-serious messing - people posting daft stuff, "like which way do you hang a toilet roll?" and it could continue for hundreds of post with people just joking with each other - no serious offence or insults just stuff like "you beast - that's the depths of depravity!!!" or "I hope you're ashamed of your shocking habit!"

Now it just seems that anything kicks of nasty judgementalism and vindictiveness. I could almost imagine hanging your loo roll the 'wrong' way means you are 'thick' or 'dirty', "moronic" or "classless" whatever else - and there's nothing jovial in.

It's just bizarre that absolutely nothing can be taken lightly. Something like a response of 'bury him under the patio!!' to someone saying their partner ate a KitKat by biting all the fingers in one go had people disgusted and upset as if it's a litral suggestion.

Throwaway99 · 01/02/2021 11:56

@VinylDetective

It’s become utterly vile. There’s no view too cynical to hold and nothing that can’t be sneered at. Some of the stuff I’ve read about the Royal family and Captain Tom in the last 24 hours has made me feel so sad and angry. It’s as if some people have lost their humanity.
People not liking the Royal family or questioning the media circus surrounding Captain Tom and if it was wise for him to go on holiday when we were told essential travel only, does not make people utterly vile.

It just means they have a different opinion to you. You calling those people vile adds to the general toxic feel of MN atm.

Ihopeyourcakeisshit · 01/02/2021 12:02

Faff It might make you feel better if you apologise?
I would imagine the other person would feel better too.
Nothing wrong with realising you've been a bit shitty and trying to make amends.

VinylDetective · 01/02/2021 12:06

Thank you @Throwaway99. I’m perfectly happy for people to have different opinions to me - an advanced search on my name will make that point for you quite clearly. That isn’t what I object to. It’s the old adage “It’s not what you say, it’s the way that you say it”. Some recent posts on those two topics have been appalling. How can it possibly be “toxic” to point that out?

wonble · 01/02/2021 12:11

I didn't see the Captain Tom one but the KM exhausting one was weird. Because it seemed like a lot of people missed the point. Imo whether she was exhausted or not wasn't the really the point & she very well could be. It had nothing to do with rich people not finding things hard or because X poster knows Dave a multi millionaire with depression.