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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To worry people might not come to a wedding that’s not a wedding?

176 replies

WeddingGirl2021 · 27/01/2021 10:50

I quite like the idea of a small wedding (although a restriction of 15 people would mean no friends at all once immediate family had been invited) with a party to follow at some point. My partner and I would like to start trying for a baby at some point in the not too distant future so it would obviously make sense to be married first or at least to have a wedding booked. However I just can’t help but think that people won’t be willing to travel/take time off work to come to a party that’s not actually a wedding. I do feel it’s the ceremony that’s the important bit (as we hear on threads about reception only wedding guests 😉) and that’s basically what the party would be, a reception an entire year after the ceremony!

So answering honestly, if you were my friend or distant(ish) relation and I invited you to a wedding party next year that involved travelling/potentially taking a day of holiday then would you come?

(I would, by the way, if I received that invitation. I’m just worried that other people wouldn’t!)

OP posts:
DenisetheMenace · 27/01/2021 10:51

In a year, I’d come. Can’t wait for my invite 😁

audweb · 27/01/2021 10:52

My friends pre covid got married abroad then threw a huge party a few months later. It was ok a sat night, so travelling for anyone was saved for the weekend. Everyone came, and it was a fantastic night. So yes! People will come. Also I think there will be a lot of later parties like this due to the pandemic.

Nowisthemonthofmaying · 27/01/2021 10:52

I would come! And am likely to be invited to something similar this year. I love my friends and want to celebrate with them.

contrmary · 27/01/2021 10:53

I doubt it if you weren't a close friend or relative. Plus it would all depend on the circumstances at the time, even when we're allowed to mingle without restrictions it doesn't necessarily mean that it will feel like a good idea.

Themostwonderfultimeoftheyear · 27/01/2021 10:53

I wouldn't unless you were a very close friend as it is the ceremony I like and I tend to disappear before the party in the evening as parties just aren't my thing. However I am probably unusual in that!

1FootInTheRave · 27/01/2021 10:54

Truthfully, probably not.

Unless you're my sister or a v close friend.

Depends how far too. Why is a holiday needed? This is the bit that would put me off.

CovidPostingName · 27/01/2021 10:55

YANBU to think that some people won't come - I probably wouldn't sorry, not if I had to travel, stay over, and miss work. I too think the ceremony is important and therefore generally wouldn't go to something a whole year later.

milienhaus · 27/01/2021 10:55

I would come (and am planning to for a couple of friends/relatives who have done what you’re planning due to Covid). Could you arrange a blessing or similar so there is still a ceremonial element? Eg when people get “married” outside they will have gone to the registry office separately as it’s not legal in the UK and no one (that I know) minds that!

HorseOfPhillipMoss · 27/01/2021 10:56

We got married abroad with around 20 friends and family and had a big party when we got back for everyone else, we had 120+ guests. Cater well for people, make the invitation casual and you might be surprised.

Original poster
WeddingGirl2021 · 27/01/2021 10:56

Why is a holiday needed?

Quite a few of our friends and family members have to work at the weekends or for part of the weekend, so even if we held the party on a Saturday they might still have to book holiday Smile

Thank you for the replies everyone!

OP posts:
Moltenpink · 27/01/2021 10:57

Honest answer, I wouldn’t take it as seriously as a wedding, so if it was a bit inconvenient I would give it a miss. Sorry!

500BusStops · 27/01/2021 10:57

Some of my friends did this pre-COVID and it was great. Felt much more relaxed than a regular wedding, as it was just a big relaxed party with no seating plans, or waiting around while photos taken etc.

Disclaimer: I am not a fan of weddings and generally find them very boring.

But this one was great!

BogRollBOGOF · 27/01/2021 10:57

If it was logistically viable, I'd go, especially as full celebrations aren't viable at present.

JaninaDuszejko · 27/01/2021 10:58

One relative was married abroad (not a 'destination wedding', they were living there) and there was a big party when they came back. Another relative had another quickie wedding before their baby was born and two years later had a blessing abroad and lots of people travelled to that. There was a church service, white dress, bridesmaids etc so was like a real wedding. Lots of people will travel, a few won't.

user1493413286 · 27/01/2021 10:58

Yes especially in recognition of the current scenario but when people get married abroad then have a reception at home I’ve also always been happy to make an effort with attending. If people aren’t bothered to then I’d say they aren’t really that good a friend. I’m wondering why people would have to take time off though; I’d only really do that for weddings of people in close to

unmarkedbythat · 27/01/2021 10:58

Yeah, course I would- the thing about wedding (for me) is not the legal/ religious bit, it's the celebration of love. In fact I'd be more likely to go to a 'wedding' party than an actual wedding.

FalconQueen · 27/01/2021 10:58

I'd go. I think the wedding/ evening only dislike is one of those weird Mumsnet things that doesn't actually reflect the way the majority of people feel in real life.
Most people I know are happy to attend parties celebrating special events in the lives of people they care about Smile

treeeeemendous · 27/01/2021 10:59

Close friend yes absolutely. Someone from work or more if an acquaintance then no probably not. I would definitely make it a Friday or a Saturday night though.

Godimabitch · 27/01/2021 10:59

I would. Love a good family party, we hardly see eachother all together. I wouldn't go mad on a gift though tbh

BluebellsGreenbells · 27/01/2021 10:59

I think given the circumstances it a good idea. I much prefer the party with no long weeding day before hand!

Meet up and party!

MyDucksArentInARow · 27/01/2021 10:59

I think we'll see a lot of this over the next few years. I've got one set of friends who have already done the first part of this and sent out save the dates for a party. (With humour, they "saved the date" for the same weekend for the next 5 years, as a nod to not rushing restrictions)

It's not a new thing, I've had friends of different religions get legally married one week and have the religious marriage the next and have friends at different times. Destination weddings followed by receptions back in the UK (mainly because of a furious mother in law Not being happy at the couple jetting off to vegas)

Celebrations are still nice and people could use the party after everything.

BuggerOffAndGoodDayToYou · 27/01/2021 10:59

I would accept the invitation if it was a weekend or outside of term time and the people involved mattered to me.

Estellelauder · 27/01/2021 10:59

Honestly, not unless I was obliged to be there because I was a really close friend or relative.

I just can’t face the bother at the moment with work, kids, money. Sad because I used to love a party but the thought of sorting out outfits, presents, accommodation and holiday as well as risking being unwell/having to isolate? It would be a no.

MotherOfCrocodiles · 27/01/2021 11:00

Could you do an unofficial wedding ceremony as well as a reception? In many countries it is normal to do the papers/town hall on one day and the church on another

Indecisive12 · 27/01/2021 11:00

Only for my closest friend.
An evening reception that is local to where you live I would. But not a random place.