To worry people might not come to a wedding that’s not a wedding?

[WeddingGirl2021]

I quite like the idea of a small wedding (although a restriction of 15 people would mean no friends at all once immediate family had been invited) with a party to follow at some point. My partner and I would like to start trying for a baby at some point in the not too distant future so it would obviously make sense to be married first or at least to have a wedding booked. However I just can’t help but think that people won’t be willing to travel/take time off work to come to a party that’s not actually a wedding. I do feel it’s the ceremony that’s the important bit (as we hear on threads about reception only wedding guests 😉) and that’s basically what the party would be, a reception an entire year after the ceremony!

So answering honestly, if you were my friend or distant(ish) relation and I invited you to a wedding party next year that involved travelling/potentially taking a day of holiday then would you come?

(I would, by the way, if I received that invitation. I’m just worried that other people wouldn’t!)

No, it would seem weird to me having a wedding party a year after. I’d wonder if it was just to have the big event and gifts as surely the time to celebrate the marriage is when it happens not a whole year later.

I would go if it was a Fri/Sat night and local to me, so I could Uber it there and back. I wouldn't start taking time off work, paying for hotels and travelling half way across the country - unless you were family or a close friend. Then wild horses wouldn't keep me away. Agree you need to wear the dress though! That's the best bit, seeing the bride in her dress!

I would to the opening of an envelope after this shit year, and I would definitely go to celebrate a major life event of my friend or family member and share in their happiness.

I wouldn't go to the party of a cousin I'm not massively close to, but if it was a friend or close cousin I'd be there next year like a shot!

In normal times I would probably question it a little but its clear why with Covid etc loads of people will be doing this though.

Travelling within uk yes, but even for a "real" wedding I object to going abroad unless it's where the couple live/where one part of the couple is from & has family.

I would definitely come.

We went abroad to get married just me and DH, (we didn't elope as we did tell people about it!) and then we threw a party a couple of months later at a hotel. It was lovely as I got to wear my wedding dress and have my hair & makeup done again, it was really relaxed (we didn't do belated speeches or first dances & had no table plans), we had a DJ, a hot buffet and instead of a traditional wedding cake we had a cake made out of cheese (it wasn't really a common place thing to do then, I think it is more so now).

We all had a lovely time and we wouldn't have had it any other way 🙂

I've been to two receptions held after a register office wedding that was parents- (or parents and similar)-only (both husband's siblings) and one which was in the same place but inside rather than in the marquee so restricted to about a third of the guests (my cousin). Oh, and H's work colleague invited us to the (properly-catered) evening event.

So yes, I probably would go to a later party . Especially after this.

Maybe have a Special Moment where everyone can watch you reaffirm your commitment to each other waits for the pile-on with the tweeometer

Oh, but I certainly wouldn't go abroad.

I assume many people will be doing this later this year/next year, whenever big gatherings are allowed. If people love a party and have missed having them I think people will come.

I think your concern is valid, OP. Aside from whether they would accept such an invitation to begin with, I think there would be more likely to be people backing out at short notice. You would not let people down for a wedding unless say you were ill, but something like a party you might be prepared to just because you say felt tired or weren't that keen on some of the guests. It's also easier to back out last minute because you can text/email or something like that instead of phoning.

I got married in front of immediate family, then held a evening reception type event for friends when we came back from honeymoon. The gaps was only two weeks and no one had seen us before the evening event. After a year it would feel odd celebrating someones wedding especially if I had spent time with them once married, but if they were close friends I would still attend.

Yes of course, I'd take time off work for it too.

We're likely to have to do it because of covid and every single person I've asked about it says of course they'll come. we'll still have a ceremony etc the second time around and make it a structured day.

I wouldn't think very highly of anyone saying its just a party when they've already had their big day. Yes, technically its a party but its also a special occasion to show love and support to a couple who whilst happy to be married would appreciate a public acknowledgement

But they’ve had their ‘big day’ a year ago. People had the chance to send gifts and cards and messages of love and support. Even if they weren’t in the chosen 20. Weddings don’t have to involve large number of guests and fancy parties to be special; the ‘big day’ is the day they marry and commit to a life together regardless of how many attend.

So yes it is just a party it they’ve been married a year. I think the bride dressing up in her wedding gown and having bridesmaids, bouquet, a photographer etc makes the couple look a bit vain and silly.

A pretend wedding party verges on a pantomime. Expecting guests to attend to give public acknowledgment of their year-old union is like pretending they aren’t already married, expecting guests to travel from afar, bring gifts and behave as if it’s a real wedding party.

Much better IMO to call it a first anniversary party, or just a party.

Lots of people have had various special events cancelled due to the pandemic. It’s part of life. Imagine somebody had organised a huge baby shower and decided to delay it a year, then tried to invite guests to a ‘delayed shower’ when baby was a year old? Wouldn’t they just throw a birthday party for the baby instead?

I'd be more inclined to make the effort to come to a anniversary party instead of a not wedding party.

I'd go definitely as I have a policy of say yes not no to invites/events etc. A friend of mine had changed her wedding to a weekday later this year. I'll lose a days pay as self employed, wouldn't occur to me not to go.

For me it would depend. I was invited to a party after a destination wedding a few years ago. Someone I was good friends with at uni but we had drifted. I did initially want to go but the party was in Ireland, it would have involved flights and an expensive taxi (I couldn't drive at the time). Then we would have had to find somewhere to stay as the party was quite remote so we didn't go. If it was easy enough to get to I would have gone though.

@HikeForward

I wouldn't think very highly of anyone saying its just a party when they've already had their big day. Yes, technically its a party but its also a special occasion to show love and support to a couple who whilst happy to be married would appreciate a public acknowledgement

But they’ve had their ‘big day’ a year ago. People had the chance to send gifts and cards and messages of love and support. Even if they weren’t in the chosen 20. Weddings don’t have to involve large number of guests and fancy parties to be special; the ‘big day’ is the day they marry and commit to a life together regardless of how many attend.

So yes it is just a party it they’ve been married a year. I think the bride dressing up in her wedding gown and having bridesmaids, bouquet, a photographer etc makes the couple look a bit vain and silly.

A pretend wedding party verges on a pantomime. Expecting guests to attend to give public acknowledgment of their year-old union is like pretending they aren’t already married, expecting guests to travel from afar, bring gifts and behave as if it’s a real wedding party.

Much better IMO to call it a first anniversary party, or just a party.

Lots of people have had various special events cancelled due to the pandemic. It’s part of life. Imagine somebody had organised a huge baby shower and decided to delay it a year, then tried to invite guests to a ‘delayed shower’ when baby was a year old? Wouldn’t they just throw a birthday party for the baby instead?

Why would someone need public acknowledgement though?

Agree it’s like a fake wedding. No different than marrying beforehand claiming it’s just the legal bit then pretending to get married in front of gusts after.

Just have an anniversary party rather instead, less formal, no expectation of gifts and likely cheaper for guests to attend as more causal.

Yes, if no covid issues, I’d come. Even buy a hat!

Normally, yes, I’d come. However we already know at least 6 couples in our close social circle who are planning to do this in summer 2021 and in 2022. And I now have 2 cousins who just got engaged too.

Sorry but I don’t want to spend all my annual leave on wedding parties for the next 2 years after not being able to travel for at least 18 months. Even my parents, who would never dare turn down a wedding invite because it’s such a social faux pas, have decided to turn down most of the invites received so far. I think people are fooling themselves trying to organize something big immediately post-pandemic (if there is such a thing). Maybe accept you were unlucky to need to get married during a pandemic, count your blessings and give up on the big white wedding dream because it’s unlikely to happen for you and even if it does, it won’t be what you imagined. Save the money for an awesome honeymoon.

A good friend of mine got married in a small ceremony pre COVID and I could afford to travel and be part of it at the time and it's one of my biggest regrets. Loved my few close friends at my wedding and I should have been at hers 😢

Pre COVID no. But if they married now I’d take it as their real wedding

We did this- small church wedding for 16 guests then a big reception with pretend ceremony and all the trimmings a year later when we could afford it for wider family and friends. Over 110 guests at the latter. They all came, but it was held in a city where loads of them lived anyway.

I wouldn’t get offended if people don’t come though; that’s the risk you take holding a wedding party instead of a wedding. And don’t hold it on a Wednesday or anything daft.

I would totally come! DH and I got legally married one day after work (colleagues thought it was hilarious when I finished a meeting I was chairing by saying "I'm afraid we'll need to pause things there, I need to go and get married"). Our "real" (Catholic) ceremony was overseas in DH's home country 6 weeks later.

(We had 150 guests BTW, half of whom travelled from all over the world, furthest being NZ!)

I would absolutely do this once safe and allowed to do so.