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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To worry people might not come to a wedding that’s not a wedding?

176 replies

WeddingGirl2021 · 27/01/2021 10:50

I quite like the idea of a small wedding (although a restriction of 15 people would mean no friends at all once immediate family had been invited) with a party to follow at some point. My partner and I would like to start trying for a baby at some point in the not too distant future so it would obviously make sense to be married first or at least to have a wedding booked. However I just can’t help but think that people won’t be willing to travel/take time off work to come to a party that’s not actually a wedding. I do feel it’s the ceremony that’s the important bit (as we hear on threads about reception only wedding guests 😉) and that’s basically what the party would be, a reception an entire year after the ceremony!

So answering honestly, if you were my friend or distant(ish) relation and I invited you to a wedding party next year that involved travelling/potentially taking a day of holiday then would you come?

(I would, by the way, if I received that invitation. I’m just worried that other people wouldn’t!)

OP posts:
DrCindyPops · 27/01/2021 11:01

I asked some of my friends/family this question in case we ended up needing to do it and whilst they said they ultimately would for me they didn't think it was a great idea. They thought it would be a lot of expense for guests etc without it being the actual wedding and thought it would be better just to postpone the full wedding.

Original poster
WeddingGirl2021 · 27/01/2021 11:02

@Indecisive12

Only for my closest friend. An evening reception that is local to where you live I would. But not a random place.
It would be local for us, but obviously not for everyone! Our friends and family are fairly spread out, there’s nowhere that would be convenient for everyone unfortunately.
OP posts:
rubbishatballet · 27/01/2021 11:02

I would, in a heartbeat! The thought of being able to get together with other people and celebrate some of these missed life events is actually making me feel a bit teary.

Pinksun12 · 27/01/2021 11:03

Once this is over I'll come to ANY party!!!

countrygirl99 · 27/01/2021 11:04

A friend of mine had a quick ceremony at short notice after her mum was diagnosed with a terminal illness and only had a couple of months to live. She then went through with a "ceremony" and celebration on the planned date. Everyone came.

VienneseWhirligig · 27/01/2021 11:04

My friend got married in Cyprus with just close family, and then held a big party here in the UK when she came home. She wore her wedding dress and had a cake, it was lovely.

ClashCityRocker · 27/01/2021 11:05

I wouldn't not come...

But for a wedding I would make more of an effort to come and would only not attend if it was not in any way logistically possible.

A post wedding party a year after the event, I would try and make it, still, but the threshold for not going would be much lower.

How far are people travelling? If local I would imagine it won't matter at all.

If it's half the length of the country with an overnight stay on the other hand...

Persipan · 27/01/2021 11:06

My cousin did something like this (ten years ago, so not covid related) and it was brilliant. They didn't have to deal with the pressure of getting married on the same day as hosting a big event, so they could enjoy both elements more. It sounded a bit weird but having been to it, I'd seriously consider something similar were I ever to get married.

ludothedog · 27/01/2021 11:06

Yes I would.as others have suggested put your wedding dress on and have civil celebrant do another ceremony

I think when we are allowed to party everyone will be desperate for a party!

GlowingOrb · 27/01/2021 11:09

Of course I would still come. I’ve done it with friends in the past who got married before their big wedding for various reasons. I think you should still have the ceremony though. It’s easier because you can just do it at the reception venue and then reset for the party.

BeastOfBODMAS · 27/01/2021 11:11

I think plenty of people would make the effort to go, more maybe than pre COVID

Once it is safe and restrictions are lifted, I will personally not be turning down any party invitations! This is a long slog and I miss friends, socialising, celebrating, travelling, having a reason to take annual leave. I will never take that for granted again and stuff the inconvenience!

Ninkanink · 27/01/2021 11:11

After what’s likely to be 2 years of intermittent lockdowns most people are going to be desperate to attend as many social functions as possible, so I’m sure lots of people will want to come to your celebration! Flowers

Original poster
WeddingGirl2021 · 27/01/2021 11:11

I’ve got friends who live around 3 hours away, I think my partner has got some who are more like 4-5 hours away, to answer the couple of people who have asked how far they’d have to travel. To be honest if we planned something for the evening then I imagine anyone who lived too far to get home by taxi would need to stay overnight!

OP posts:
emilyfrost · 27/01/2021 11:14

I would not book holiday for a wedding or a party. If I was free I would come, if not then no.

Laufeythejust · 27/01/2021 11:18

We had our wedding booked for May and was considering doing this but in the end we have moved it to 2022. We felt that if we waited for the big party, without it being the actual wedding, life would get in the way and we would begrudge spending all that money on it. It’s a tough decision though it’s put our life on hold for another year but on the plus side hopefully they’ll know about pregnancy and the covid vaccine by then.

nocoolnamesleft · 27/01/2021 11:20

I'd come if I was free. But I wouldn't make the huge effort to get myself to be free that I would for an actual wedding.

Aimee1987 · 27/01/2021 11:21

I had a friend who got married in her husbands home country due to a whole host of logistical issues.
They threw a big wedding party a few months later. Most people went. I was 9 months pregnant and couldn't get to the venues as no airline would let me fly but otherwise I definitely would have gone.
My sister has just got married in the country she lives in ( other side of the world) she will come home and have a wedding in a couple of years when things calm down and I will go to that.

Dentistlakes · 27/01/2021 11:23

Only if you were a close friend or family member, but that would be the same if there was a ceremony or not. I would only attend a wedding of someone I wasn’t close to if it was nearby and didn’t necessitate taking time off work or an overnight stay.

NoProblem123 · 27/01/2021 11:25

I’m literally drooling at the thought of coming to your party and we hardly know each other!
Just the thought of an invite stuck on my fridge cheers me up, so imagine how your friends will think Grin

Original poster
WeddingGirl2021 · 27/01/2021 11:25

Thank you for the comments everyone, a bit of a mix so far which is pretty much what I expected!

OP posts:
Seriouslymole · 27/01/2021 11:25

Definitely - I would be up for ANYTHING that that involved
a. seeing people
b. celebrating joy
Go for it :)

SpiderinaWingMirror · 27/01/2021 11:26

I would just crack on with the small wedding
In a years time it may well turn into a christening party.

SarahBellam · 27/01/2021 11:26

My friend did this and it was brilliant. The ceremony is the boring bit anyway. Loads of people came to celebrate their marriage so if some people can’t make it I really wouldn’t let that put you off.

Dentistlakes · 27/01/2021 11:26

We have had several wedding which took place last year who moved their reception to this year (or it may end up being next year the way things are going). I will make an extra special effort to attend those, as I know how difficult it was for them to have their plans ruined.

AliceinBunniland · 27/01/2021 11:26

It sounds like your concern is that people wouldn't come because it's not a proper wedding, "just" a reception, rather than covid or anything like that.

Assuming covid was not an issue I would make the same effort for a good friend's post wedding party as I would for the wedding, if the reason I wasn't invited to the wedding was due to covid restrictions.

If a friend just invited me to the reception and no the wedding (when covid was not an issue) but it involved significant travel or cost then I might take a different view.