To worry people might not come to a wedding that’s not a wedding?

[WeddingGirl2021]

I quite like the idea of a small wedding (although a restriction of 15 people would mean no friends at all once immediate family had been invited) with a party to follow at some point. My partner and I would like to start trying for a baby at some point in the not too distant future so it would obviously make sense to be married first or at least to have a wedding booked. However I just can’t help but think that people won’t be willing to travel/take time off work to come to a party that’s not actually a wedding. I do feel it’s the ceremony that’s the important bit (as we hear on threads about reception only wedding guests 😉) and that’s basically what the party would be, a reception an entire year after the ceremony!

So answering honestly, if you were my friend or distant(ish) relation and I invited you to a wedding party next year that involved travelling/potentially taking a day of holiday then would you come?

(I would, by the way, if I received that invitation. I’m just worried that other people wouldn’t!)

My best mate is (hopefully) doing this with a vow renewal on her 1st wedding anniversary. There was only 10 of us at the wedding, most of the bridesmaids couldn't even come. I'll be devastated for her if noone shows up, shes spent a lot of money (its an adaptation of the original wedding she had to cancel) and its been postponed 3x already.

We got married in Mexico with 30 guests then a month later threw a massive party. We had 200 people come! Only 15 people didn’t come who we invited! So people will definitely come if they want too!

I’d come. Just make sure you’ve got well stocked bar, good food, and good entertainment!

I absolutely would for a friend yes

I think that people will be more understanding than usual due to the circumstances. Lay on food and booze and they'll come!

I would (in normal times) - wedding ceremonies are really dull. A social get together is the fun bit.

that said, annual leave is precious so make it a Saturday night.

I wouldn't, no.

@WeddingGirl2021same situation here! I think we are planning on going ahead with the numbers we can and then get on with our lives.

I was worried when it came to it people would think ‘well it’s not even their wedding’ and either wouldn’t come or would come but not want to be there!

I would go!

Blimey I would imagine once we get out of lockdown people will be excited to go to the opening of a paper bag!
I will come op if you are short of numbers I got loads of lovely dresses I’m dying to wear.

After this year, I’ll go anywhere and do anything!

Depends on logistics, how close a friend etc. To be honest you would have to be a pretty close friend to stay overnight and book a day off work anyway. For me I would want friends to witness my vows as that's the important bit, wouldn't even bother with a party these days, just invite everyone for a nice dinner at a restaurant

I am not usually a party person. But I'd love a chance to catch up with old friends and have a drink. So I'd jump at the chance when it's safe to.

I would for a close friend; if I'm no.59 on your list of 100, not a chance.

In the circumstances probably yes if before Covid I would have attended the wedding or reception All sorts of things have changed this year so I wouldn’t expect a couple to wait to get married just to have friends there but still wanting to celebrate at some point.

If it was local and a weekend then yes. If we had to travel or take time of then no, not if it was a year after you'd actually got married. It makes sense when people have a small wedding or get married abroad and then have a big party a week or two later, but not a year. Sorry.

We’d be there like a shot. We miss seeing family and friends so much and most weddings are a chance to celebrate with people dear to us and have a marvellous time catching up with everyone. Post COVID I’ll be attending the opening of an envelope if my friends or family are there!

I’d definitely come. After this is all over I will never turn down a social invitation again!

If you're worried people won't find it wedding-y, that's really their problem.

But if you want it to feel like a wedding more than a party, you could consider having some sort of ceremony like a celebrant / humanist led service at your venue, or, if you're religious, a blessing as part of your big day.

If I wasn't very close to the bride/groom I'd be reluctant but would probably do it as long as it didn't involve expensive travel/overnight stays. If you've already been married for some time then it's not a wedding, it's basically just a big party.

In normal times, probably not because I'd be a bit annoyed that maybe I wasn't invited to the real thing and it would be anti-climatic. But when life is normal again, yes, definitely as long as it was on a Saturday night and the accommodation and transport options were reasonable. Like there were hotels or holiday cottages nearby and I could easily walk or get a taxi back. And yes, of course, if it's on a weekend. I've been to a Tuesday wedding and that would have been a real stretch if dh hadn't felt guilted into it because it was close family and hard to say no. I think everyone will feel like they have lots of catching up to do with celebrating when everything is normal again, so will gladly come.

Fwiw, I know someone who had not one, not two, but three (!!) weddings that weren't weddings to the same person. He doesn't want to get married, but she does, so they just keep having these non-marriage commitment ceremonies with a reception after. Each one has gotten slightly more wedding like, but still not really a wedding. People still came to the third one (though I think they're fed up now!). So I think you'll be fine. People will understand why you had to do it that way.

O gosh yeah, I’d be there in a heartbeat, dancing shoes at the ready!

My dd had a tiny covid wedding.
I've been assured by family and friends that they will come to a big celebration when the time comes.
Tbh after the disappointment some couples have been through last year I wouldn't think very highly of anyone saying its just a party when they've already had their big day.
Yes, technically its a party but its also a special occasion to show love and support to a couple who whilst happy to be married would appreciate a public acknowledgement from those who are supposed to care about them.

Just out of interest, the people saying no, or yes but only if it was close friend/family/local/convenient, is that because this is 'just a party not a real wedding' or is it because you don't like and would rather not go to any wedding reception anyway, or because of Covid fears (i.e. that it will be cancelled and/or unsafe) which a few people have mentioned already. Any of the above valid, just interested in which it is! And if it was the former, i.e. because it's not a 'real' wedding, would you feel the same if the reason it was just a reception and not a legally valid ceremony was for non-Covid reasons e.g. the ceremony was separate for religious reasons or because it happened abroad or because the bride and groom are really shy?

I have previously advised people (on here and in real life) that it's totally fine to have your ceremony privately or separately for whatever reason and that in the UK most people probably care more about the reception/party part than the ceremony so it's fine to invite people to the reception only ('B list' evening only invitations aside which are a totally separate issue) but maybe I'm wrong about that and should stop saying it!

I wouldn’t consider it a wedding, I would consider it a party. I wouldn’t take a day off work in order to go to a party, if it were at the weekend I would be happy to travel for a party.