Hiding from people-not normal is it 🤷🏻‍♀️

[Newyearsameme2021]

Feeling quite embarrassed to be writing this, but wanting to check that my ‘Quirks’ weren’t totally weird.
For example, if we see people we know when we’re out, for a walk or whatever, my first instinct is to want to hide from them 🤷🏻‍♀️I sometimes feel so awkward, is that normal? It really depends what mood I’m in but the majority of the time I’d rather not bump into people I know. I suppose I have social anxiety? I’ve had friends all my life but don’t greatly love social situations unless I’m really in the mood. If I’m in a certain mood, it can take all my nerves/energy to even meet up with a good friend for a coffee, a friend who I know loves me and we have a great time and I always feel better afterwards..what’s wrong with me? Does anyone else feel like this?
I also hate if people just ‘Drop by’ to the house and we rarely have anyone aside from family over.
I was always a strange mix of quite shy at some points when younger and outgoing. As a teen I was out every night with a big group of friends..
I’m worst socially at work and can sometimes barely feel like having a conversation, I hate making other people feel awkward and am surprised I have any friends at all, being like this.
What’s wrong with me and why can’t I just be easy and outgoing like other people?

@Ginfordinner what you’ve described is me! One day I’ll happily chat to a school mum who has approached me - the next day I can’t even look at them. I can’t even really explain why! I’m definitely a kind and polite person but I absolutely know people probably think I’m a rude weirdo.

Oh my goodness, I've always thought I was weird but it seems there are quite a few of us!

I absolutely hate bumping into people when I'm out and do everything I can to avoid them - hide/pretend I haven't seen them/ take a different route. Same with the neighbours.

I hate people dropping round or phoning. I also never want to go to social events or meetups, but usually feel better when I do. I'm quite socially awkward which I masked with lots of booze in my younger years. Now I just tend to be more reclusive unless I force myself to be otherwise.

Work, I'm ok. I just mostly fake it and power through because I have to in my role but it drains the life out of me.

Thanks for the thread OP, and hope it's reassuring to know you're not the only one

@MingeOnFire...and @Newyearsameme2021... we’re everywhere aren’t we! 😊

You must all be pretty charismatic to get social invitations given that you don't like socialising and won't talk to anyone. How do you do it?

How rude @ginfordinner.

Sometimes you get invited to thinks because it’s a work thing and everyone is invited. Sometimes it’s a family thing and again everyone is invited.

I bet you’re one of these people who always puts quiet/awkward people down as rude and up themselves.

That wasn't meant to be rude at all. DH is an extreme introvert and never gets invited to anything because he never talks to anyone.

You have simply taken my comment the wrong way.

@Ginfordinner I find group situations difficult but I think I am usually good company one-to-one or when within a very close, familiar group so I still get invited to things as I think people think of how I am when we socialise in shall groups when inviting me to bigger group things. I think because in large groups there isn’t so much focus on any individual that the fact I can be quiet and anxious in a large group probably doesn’t stick in people’s minds as much as how I am one-on-one so I still get invited to things even where I might not be great company!

I’m the same as you OP and it’s always bothered me. I also find that when I’ve met people, if I see them again it’s like I assume that they won’t remember me, which I think probably comes across as very ignorant and rude when actually I’d love to strike up a conversation with them. I think it’s really held me back in my personal and professional life.

As a teenager it caused me a lot of issues and I’ve never been good at forming close friendships.

Very good, play all you like.

@BillyIsMyBunny I’m a bit the same as you. I do enjoy and am ok at interacting on a planned one to one level but as soon as there’s 2/3 I fade into the background! Funnily enough even on the rare occasion I’m not trying to!

Hello Op , sorry you feel like this . It is very tough . How old are you ? Quite common in perimenopause . I started feeling like this at 43 , really debilitating. I almost had panic attacks just leaving the house .Four years on , and much better thanks to HRT . Still socially awkward in certain circumstances and I find as I get older I only feel comfortable/ have time for people who are true friends .

You have simply taken my comment the wrong way.

It didn't read like an innocent enquiry.

@Bloodyoverthisnow I’m also 43, but I’d say I was shy on and off in childhood, but had plenty of friends as I am nice 😂and fairly funny, I think and a good friend. I’d say the real social anxiety/awkwardness started perhaps around 19//20, but again, could go away depending on how comfortable I felt etc.

@Ginfordinner I feel like you’re angry about something here? There’s a few strange questions.
I think this is really hard for so many of us to admit here and I’m really grateful to all for being totally honest on here, it’s helped me lots 💐

I appear to have rubbed people up the wrong way. This was not my intention at all, and I apologise if I have.

As I said previously my husband is very much an introvert, and I wanted to try and understand why he doesn't like engaging with other people, and hearing the points of view on here have helped.

This is me exactly. I'm amazed to see so many others are the same. I've always crossed the street and put my head down if I see someone I know coming towards me. I've had to go to a lot of conferences/training events in my time, and always try to avoid the 'networking' time- hiding in toilets quite often!

I'm loving mask-wearing - it's so easy to 'not recognise' someone, or not be recognised, when we're all in masks. It's one thing I'd love to continue

People really seem to dislike introverts purely because they are that way. ‘Cleverly’ phased questions don’t hide it.

@Ginfordinner Ask him? 🤷🏻‍♀️

@Hotelhelp

People really seem to dislike introverts purely because they are that way. ‘Cleverly’ phased questions don’t hide it.

I don’t think people dislike introverts per se, I think they sometimes dislike the awkwardness that can occur when an introvert is difficult to talk to, e.g. in a social situation or they realise their neighbour is avoiding bumping into them. It makes the other person feel uncomfortable.

I say this as an introvert myself- I know I’ve made others uncomfortable before and I now try hard not to.

Im a very private person. I run my own online business so I have a very busy day. I hate being involved with neighbours and being waylaid by them in the garden. For that reason I wait until its dark to throw stuff in the bins as Im less likely to be seen. I also have CCTV and if someone knocks the door and is not holding a parcel to deliver I just dont respond.

Ive got a pushy and needy next door neighbour (detached properties thank heavens) who sometimes says "I knocked three times last week and there was no answer". I just tell her I dont use my hearing aid unless Im expecting anyone. You can get off with being short sighted and deaf when in your 70s.

Ive worked in customer facing organizations all my life and Ive more than done my bit for the community. I just cant be bothered with people any longer and I dont feel at all guilty.

You’re not alone

I’m like this. But most of my friends would probably describe me as very social. Sometimes I feel anxiety about answering texts messages and leave them for days, which is really stupid and rude, I know. But I can’t explain why, sometimes I really can’t face talking to people. I work in a very social profession and when I’m in work mode it’s totally different.

@sneakysnoopysniper... I like that 😊

I have needy/nosey neighbours too. If they don't get an answer at the door or don't see any of us to 'chat' over the fence for a while, they will phone and leave message such as 'Just checking you're ok, we haven't seen you!'. I always reply with a brisk text because it's annoying and feels like an intrusion, hoping they will get the message. They KNOW we're ok. We are a busy household and have three cars coming and going daily.

I gave my number at the beginning of lockdown in case they ever needed anything as they are a retired couple. They have a big family who are all living nearby so it was literally 'Here's my number in case of an emergency' but they've taken it that I'm happy to chat whenever.

I sound really nasty. I'm not! I'm happy to help if they need anything. I can do practical stuff all day long. It's just the chit chat I can't bear. I don't want to chat about their dogs various ailments or their grandkids progress at school. And I certainly don't want to talk about bloody covid. It drains the life out of me.

I dont mind chat if Im in the mood for it. If I invite someone over then I expect to sit and chat for an hour or so. But if I have important work to do which requires my concentration then I deeply resent being interrupted. So I put loud music on so I cant hear whats going on outside. The Queen of England and the Pope of Rome could knock at my door and not get an answer.

I am similar. When I walk the dog, and I see people coming towards us I walk in the opposite direction.

I felt so rude but because I am meant to be shielding, I don't really want to interact or speak with people. I just want to walk her and get back in the house....