Hiding from people-not normal is it 🤷🏻‍♀️

[Newyearsameme2021]

Feeling quite embarrassed to be writing this, but wanting to check that my ‘Quirks’ weren’t totally weird.
For example, if we see people we know when we’re out, for a walk or whatever, my first instinct is to want to hide from them 🤷🏻‍♀️I sometimes feel so awkward, is that normal? It really depends what mood I’m in but the majority of the time I’d rather not bump into people I know. I suppose I have social anxiety? I’ve had friends all my life but don’t greatly love social situations unless I’m really in the mood. If I’m in a certain mood, it can take all my nerves/energy to even meet up with a good friend for a coffee, a friend who I know loves me and we have a great time and I always feel better afterwards..what’s wrong with me? Does anyone else feel like this?
I also hate if people just ‘Drop by’ to the house and we rarely have anyone aside from family over.
I was always a strange mix of quite shy at some points when younger and outgoing. As a teen I was out every night with a big group of friends..
I’m worst socially at work and can sometimes barely feel like having a conversation, I hate making other people feel awkward and am surprised I have any friends at all, being like this.
What’s wrong with me and why can’t I just be easy and outgoing like other people?

Same here! You have all described it perfectly, way better than I have ever been able to. Glad to see I'm not alone.

I'm ok with meeting people in public quite positive usually.

If I saw you nipping round the corner in the supermarket or studiously looking away I'd assume you didn't like me and never bother again! 🥴

However I am introverted and not happy with unexpected visits. Or even any expected social events really!

Also, typically of females with ASD, my difficulties really started to come to the fore in secondary school. Relationships become more intricate at that point. I was at boarding school which made it even more difficult.

I was talking to a friend tonight who’s known me 40+ years and we laughed about my “antisocial behaviour”. I can do it... but some of it is “masking” or playing the role. I have been known to lose contact with acquaintances when they’ve wanted to go beyond a basic friendship. Not nice, I know, but I’m really not capable of it, long term.

Also,I’m not good at instigating things. It’s too much for me. So, the friends I have do that and invite me and we always have a great time, ending on “why don’t we get together more often”. We know why.

Since my diagnosis, I have told people that I have Aspergers and not to be offended by my lack of sociability. It’s not personal.

@80sColourfulChristmas 🤷🏻‍♀️You think I’m weird, right?

I hide op. If I see someone I know in supermarket I always walk the other way or hide behind the baked beans. Its the first reaction I have. I don't have social anxiety but I don't really like surprise meetings even if I like the person. I hate people just dropping by aswell. I don't think its that unusual and when I'm in the mood I'm very friendly

Or that poster thinks I am horrible for whingeing about feeling rejected and giving up on aisle dodgers!

It's a problem for introverts/ over interpreters of human behaviour when
messages or signals are ambiguous!

@NearlyTheHolidays2... Sarah Hendrix assessed and diagnosed me. I remember her saying she knew within ten minutes of meeting me that I had ASD despite my excellent masking skills, developed over years and years of not fitting in. When I told her that some of my friends and even family members thought I was being ridiculous (being referred and assessed) she said that that is how id been missed. I’d become an excellent mimic of neurotypical acceptable behaviour.

I felt huge relief. I still see her every could of months, at local meetings. Well, before Covid. I feel she sees right through me, in a good way! 😊

It’s the others that are the problem, not us. I hate that people want to stop in the street & talk nonsense, I have no time for any of that. When our neighbour moved in everyone was complaining because he never talked to them, I suspected we were the same. Then one day when I ran & hid under the stairs (we’re in flats & I’d just entered the building) to avoid a neighbour coming down the stairs I found my new neighbour was there hiding too. It was quite comical really because he was hiding from me whilst I hid from someone else. We sort of bonded ever since, as we both know that the other will only ever say hello & that’s it. I consider myself to be anti social, although I can be very sociable too.

It's ok OP, there are many of us who feel the same. I am drained by social interaction, especially with children.

There’s nothing wrong with you! Some of us, like myself have our limits. I can be very sociable and see people and enjoy being in a group etc but then at other times I find I have just run out of ‘social energy’ and I could not bear to have to speak to anyone outside my immediate family. I have sometimes dreaded having to go to parties, or taking DC to parties, but if I have accepted an invitation I have always been able to force myself to go - and then found it is more enjoyable than I expected. But also if I don’t think I will enjoy a certain event, I politely decline - and have never regretted that, either.

I avoid work social events, & if I do need to go (& even events that I want to go on, such as with my friends), I am incredible anxious all day. My greatest fear with this is being left with someone, anyone, regardless of how well I know them, & having to make small talk.

I remember going on these enforced "team build" work nights in my early/mid twenties to bars, clubs etc with other staff from whatever office I was working in at the time. There would be thumping music and I'd be leaning in, trying to catch snatches of the conversation, thinking "what on earth do they talk about?"

I genuinely didn't have a clue how to make small talk with acquaintances and strangers (as opposed to close friends) and thought it was some kind of process I could learn through observation. But of course, the bleddy music was so loud I never could hear what they were talking about. 🤷‍♀️

@Frozenintime... I’m like that with children. I’m not great with babies either. It’s not that I don’t like them 😊. I remember being handed a work colleagues’ baby when she came in to work whilst on Mat leave. I felt really awkward and couldn’t wait to hand the wee thing back.

I have a grandson now and he’s adorable but even so, I’ll have a more natural “feel” for him when he’s a bit older.

"If I spot someone I know when out and about in public, I instinctively feel panicked, guilty (?!) and frequently pretend I haven't seen them and/or get past them without them seeing me. It doesn't matter whether I like the person or not. I think it's more to do with being surprised by someone in a context I didn't expect or feel 'prepared' for."

I like seeing people I know from afar, but I do panic if I'm going to pass someone on the street. The issue for me is that I don't know whether to just say hello and walk past or stop for a chat. Someone told me that you can tell from the other person's body language whether they want to stop, but I can't always see it. I've been embarrassed a few times when I've stopped and the other person's carried on.
I always quite often get ignored because I'm wearing a hat of sunglasses or whatever. One day recently I was wearing a mask, hat and sunglasses and a friend I was actually meeting didn't recognise me.

Maybe you can disguise yourself like a celeb OP!

[quote EleanorRigbyWasReal]@Frozenintime... I’m like that with children. I’m not great with babies either. It’s not that I don’t like them 😊. I remember being handed a work colleagues’ baby when she came in to work whilst on Mat leave. I felt really awkward and couldn’t wait to hand the wee thing back.

I have a grandson now and he’s adorable but even so, I’ll have a more natural “feel” for him when he’s a bit older.[/quote]
Yes, I feel like a fool talking to small children. It's fine once they're about 7 and can have a normal conversation, but I can't get on the floor and doo the goo gaah stuff. I cant' interact with animals either so maybe I just can't do non-verbal interaction.

@Gwenhwyfar... I’ve never met another person who’s like me, in this respect. I feel SO much better, reading your post. I do think other people are watching me interact and wondering “what’s up with her?”

Animals are good for me. I genuinely love them and will happily make a fuss and “all the right noises” with them, in a way I’m just not capable of with babies and young children. I know it’s weird. My mum used to tell me I was “weird, hopeless with children” and it’s stuck with me.

My son has Aspergers too and we got him a golden retriever. Of course, he doesn’t do anything with her but for me, it’s been wonderful as a way of “chit chat” with other dog walking acquaintances. When one of them said “want to meet up I. Town for a coffee (without the dogs)?” I remember feeling physically sick. We never did. For a while, I said “ooh, that sounds nice” but never got around to it. We’re just “dog walking friends” 😊

@Newyearsameme2021... apologies. Didn’t mean to hijack your excellent thread! 😊

"@Gwenhwyfar... I’ve never met another person who’s like me, in this respect. I feel SO much better, reading your post. I do think other people are watching me interact and wondering “what’s up with her?”"

I'm sure it's quite common. I bet loads of people would love to be able to go up to a toddler, shake their hand and ask how their homework is going.

@Newyearsameme2021
You could be writing about me, I’m exactly the same as you describe yourself

Yeah I’ve always been this way too. I sometimes pretend I haven’t seen someone to avoid having to speak to them. Social distancing is something I have always practiced .

I have found my people

I remember hiding from someone in a supermarket years ago : she is lovely and one of my friends , but I couldn't face having a chat with her in an aisle by the frozen peas plus she had her little boy with her too , so I just sort of hid until she left.
She didn't even notice me.
I hate seeing people out of context too (so to speak) and it can be a bit awkward at times especially if your in a rush and they want a catch up or it's a busy store with people trying to get past at a socially distanced pace!
I guess we all have our funny ways at times. Or just want to be alone.
I'm not one for being that sociable these days so lockdown wasn't as hard as it might be more ' social butterfly' always out up the pub type of people.

"I'm not one for being that sociable these days so lockdown wasn't as hard as it might be more ' social butterfly' always out up the pub type of people."

Yes, but I think shy people need "practice" and lockdown may be more harmful for us/you in the end.

I'm glad I happened on this thread. You will realise from my posts that I am more extrovert than most of the posters on here, but it has helped me to understand that someone who was friendly towards me one day then blanks me the next time I see them might be feeling anxious or just unsociable, and it might not be because I have offended them.