Hiding from people-not normal is it 🤷🏻‍♀️

[Newyearsameme2021]

Feeling quite embarrassed to be writing this, but wanting to check that my ‘Quirks’ weren’t totally weird.
For example, if we see people we know when we’re out, for a walk or whatever, my first instinct is to want to hide from them 🤷🏻‍♀️I sometimes feel so awkward, is that normal? It really depends what mood I’m in but the majority of the time I’d rather not bump into people I know. I suppose I have social anxiety? I’ve had friends all my life but don’t greatly love social situations unless I’m really in the mood. If I’m in a certain mood, it can take all my nerves/energy to even meet up with a good friend for a coffee, a friend who I know loves me and we have a great time and I always feel better afterwards..what’s wrong with me? Does anyone else feel like this?
I also hate if people just ‘Drop by’ to the house and we rarely have anyone aside from family over.
I was always a strange mix of quite shy at some points when younger and outgoing. As a teen I was out every night with a big group of friends..
I’m worst socially at work and can sometimes barely feel like having a conversation, I hate making other people feel awkward and am surprised I have any friends at all, being like this.
What’s wrong with me and why can’t I just be easy and outgoing like other people?

@Ginfordinner I really hope I’m not making any friends feel like that. My very close friends are aware of the way I am, although we’ve discussed it as such. Casual friends/acquaintances probably don’t realise I feel like this inside and luckily we can all sort of hide from our toddlers being up all night/teething etc for why some meet ups are cancelled.
I would really love to be a less complicated person! However I’m surprised so many are the same, I always assume others would find these thoughts odd.

@BillyIsMyBunny

I am very similar. I have turned around and started walking the opposite way to where I want to go to avoid people before, they can people I get on with fine but I hate seeing people out of context and when it’s unplanned.

I have social anxiety and I think I am quite introverted as I find social situations quite draining, although I can be outgoing whilst in a group so I’m not sure others always realise how introverted I am; like you in my teens I was very social, big group of friends and always out but as I get older (I’m now early 30s) I find myself less and less confident in social situations. Now I am usually an anxious wreck beforehand worrying about socialising, will usually be okay once actually doing the social thing but will then feel drained and want to shut myself off at home on my own for days afterwards to recover before socialising again. I very rarely have people over and people ‘dropping in’ unplanned is absolutely my worst nightmare.

Afraid i don’t really have any advice for you but just wanted to say you’re not alone in feeling this way.

Yep, I'm the same. I'm absolutely fine when I'm expecting people, whether at home, clients at work, or even on the street/shopping, but I go really weird when I see someone unexpectedly. You're right, it's all about context. I, too, will turn around (discretely hopefully) or nip down a different footpath or into a shop, if I see someone I know coming towards me. I've even done it with both my brother and mother in the past! I just can't help myself and I know how weird/stupid it is. I've certainly hidden behind the curtains at home when a friend/family's car has parked up outside, and even hidden under my desk at work. Definitely an anxiety/behavioural problem, but I've no idea how to cure it!

@EleanorRigbyWasReal I have wondered about Aspergers but I’m not sure 🤔 where does the line between shyness/social anxiety become more?

You are not alone i am completely overwhelmed when i know someone is visiting me. Its the same when my oh goes out socialising. I end up arguing with him over the most stupid things i dunno if its fear of him going out and having agood time without me or me being left alone.

I'm like this. Diagnosed as autistic at 40.

OP, I feel the same, I kind of dislike bumping into people randomly when out and about, to the point where I avoid the local supermarket as I can’t seem to go there without bumping into someone. I’m not sure why it bothers me, I guess it’s the ‘not being prepared’ that makes me feel uneasy, I’m fine if I arrange to meet someone though I hate meeting numbers of people and tend to just see one person at a time.

I'm the same I thought I had social anxiety, will do anything to avoid people lol, normally once mixed with people I'm fine tho it's just before hand etc. It gets bad tho I can't get my words out properly like a have a stutter on some days

@Jojojo32 I get that too sometimes, not sure if it’s a total lack of confidence that day? But other days it’s much easier, I often wonder how I come across

@bitheby I’ve definitely wondered about this, what other traits did/do you have that got you a diagnosis, if you don’t mind me asking of course.

I’m EXACTLY the same! Nice to see someone else articulate it!

I am exactly the same! My next door neighbour recently got a dog and I seem to forever be bumping into them when I'm out with mine. They always seem to spot me first and call out a good natured greeting or comment to which I'm supposed to have a ready made, witty response. My brain switches off while I'm walking and I resent them for breaking into my solitude and demanding attention.

Trust and believe if I spot them first I'm taking a detour!

@Lalliella Totally agree, I then feel huge guilt for not attending and feel awful for ages. Often at the time when I accept the invitation I feel excited to go, but things sometimes change in the build up to the day or on the day.

Ahh OP you could have described me in that post!! I am exactly the same, I love company and my friends and family, yet if I saw someone unexpectedly I'd have the same instinct as you. The only reason I tend to do this is because I feel like I would be intruding on their time to go over and say hi. I also always seem to see people when I look my worst so it's probably a self confidence thing as well

God this thread has made me feel much better sometimes I wonder if I have something wrong with me. I too have driven out of my way to avoid the local big supermarket because I don't want to bump in to other people and I constantly do! Although I am never rude and will chat when I see people but I hate it. Also i think I might have seen someone the other day but I was in conversation and just focused on the person I was with then felt tremendous guilt incase that person saw me and even now I can't stop thinking about how horrible I am. But I suppose they didn't let on to me either so maybe it wasn't even that person. How are you with phone calls? Im awful with calls I have to psych myself up to ring people although if its something for my daughter that goes out the window. I have even gone as far now as to tell my family I'm not good with phone calls but am great responding by text. I think I am an overthinker so it's easier if things are planned out. I think the more we force ourselves to be sociable the better it will be or just be glad we have people in our lives who accept our weird quirks. Although I will say this when I am with a person or a few people I do give my all in terms of my time and listening and offering advice and will go out of my way for people.

@pinkpeoniesplease

Yeah I'm the same! But I bet everyone that knows me would say I'm confident and outgoing, which I am, in the right circumstances!

Don't we all adjust our personalities to the circumstances in which we find ourselves, in the same way that the majority of us adjust our speaking voice?

@Pisteachios Did your doctor diagnose you with social anxiety? What other aspects led to the diagnosis, if you don’t mind me asking?
Is their treatment?

*There

Yes a psychiatrist diagnosed me, they put me on antidepressants which help alleviate anxiety and sent me to CBT for social anxiety

It didn't help at all though I'm afraid, but I think it does for some people otherwise they wouldn't bother referring people to CBT for it

In terms of what lead to the diagnosis, it was affecting every area of my life, I was having panic attacks at the thought of being around people and failing to attend things because I was too anxious.

I'm exactly the same, it's really tough when you're young in a world made for extroverts and I relied on (social) drinking to get me through that but now I'm older I live in an isolated place and just see a few people every now and then apart from my immediate family. My lo has aspergers so there's a good chance i'm that way inclined too.

I'm the same, OP. It sounds like you have anxiety.

I suffer with it too & it tends to manifest in social situations. I hate bumping into people, I drive away from our area to walk etc so I don't see anyone I know, I hate the school gates, I hate socialising etc - you might find that people don't even realise though. Many would consider me a 'laugh' and one of the Mums with lots of other Mum friends at the school gates. When I've been honest about these feelings other people have directly challenged me and refused to accept that I really do feel like that.

It's not nice feeling that way but it's not written on your head so don't assume people know how you feel inside.

Have you considered CBT? There are books & online courses if you can't get to see an NHS therapist and don't want to pay for one. I find some of the tricks they teach you to do when anxiety starts to ramp really helpful.

Anyway, the kicker is you are normal! Lots of people feel that way and there are lots of things you can do to help.

Absolutely. I don't think it's normal to just 'casually drop by'. It's rude tbh. I feel the same, OP, and I don't even care

I do this too sometimes and I don’t have social anxiety. It’s only with certain people though - sometimes I can’t be bothered to stop and catch up, or I look rough etc and I know the other person would try and have a long conversation (a greeting wouldn’t suffice) or comment on how tired I look! I think it’s normal.

@Wereeaglesdare Yes, I don’t answer the phone either 🤷🏻‍♀️It almost gives me anxiety to talk on the phone, especially now that rarely anyone does. I only really used to speak to my parents on the phone and was ok when in conversation and felt good afterwards, but didn’t love the thought of the upcoming phone call sometimes..god, it’s odd!
Then there’s another side to me that’s occasionally completely the opposite to all this.