Hiding from people-not normal is it 🤷🏻‍♀️

[Newyearsameme2021]

Feeling quite embarrassed to be writing this, but wanting to check that my ‘Quirks’ weren’t totally weird.
For example, if we see people we know when we’re out, for a walk or whatever, my first instinct is to want to hide from them 🤷🏻‍♀️I sometimes feel so awkward, is that normal? It really depends what mood I’m in but the majority of the time I’d rather not bump into people I know. I suppose I have social anxiety? I’ve had friends all my life but don’t greatly love social situations unless I’m really in the mood. If I’m in a certain mood, it can take all my nerves/energy to even meet up with a good friend for a coffee, a friend who I know loves me and we have a great time and I always feel better afterwards..what’s wrong with me? Does anyone else feel like this?
I also hate if people just ‘Drop by’ to the house and we rarely have anyone aside from family over.
I was always a strange mix of quite shy at some points when younger and outgoing. As a teen I was out every night with a big group of friends..
I’m worst socially at work and can sometimes barely feel like having a conversation, I hate making other people feel awkward and am surprised I have any friends at all, being like this.
What’s wrong with me and why can’t I just be easy and outgoing like other people?

Op you’re not alone! This could be something I’d have wrote about my self , 100% accurate. I suffer with social anxiety.

I don't think being an introvert equals Autism level 1 = old asperger's My DD has asperger's diagnosed in 2015 although she is introverted and awkward it is only part of the everyday issues that rule her existence.

I'm like this. I wouldn't avoid someone when out on a walk but prefer it when we don't run into anyone we know. I also don't like answering the phone or the door.

I spent a lot of time on my own as a child. I was very happy drawing, painting and crafting. As a teenager and into my 20s and early 30s I was much more sociable and loved a party.

Now I love spending time at home with DH. I have a very small group of friends. I do enjoy socialising but prefer it to be planned otherwise I stress out a bit. I am introverted and suspect I am slightly on the spectrum. I think I am my authentic self now. I do wish I was a bit more outgoing but it is what it is.

I hope you don't mind me asking, but those of you who keep cancelling on friends last minute, how do you keep your friends? Don't they get fed up with being stood up and move on?

I do this too, and I'm relieved to discover it's not just me! Hiding down aisles in the supermarket to avoid people I know, hiding inside the house (or car) until I know my neighbour has gone inside, you name it, I've done it. I even used to do it at Uni - I never left my dorm room if my housemates were in the communal area, to avoid speaking to them. They must have thought I was nuts.

When walking around our village I make a huge show of intently rearranging the pram blankets, or having an in depth conversation with my 5 year old about clouds to avoid having to make small talk with passers-by too.

I don't think I've answered an unexpected phone call from a friend in about five years.

It's odd, because in pre-planned social situations (aka the school run, which is the extent of my social life) I'm very chatty and upbeat. I really do enjoy having conversations, I just don't like them being foisted on me unexpectedly.

I hate people dropping by unexpectedly, but mainly because my bra comes off the moment I get in the door, which means either a swift donning or grabbing a bulky coat to hide my untethered mammaries.

@Ginfordinner Can’t speak for others, but I don’t constantly cancel on friends, probably only a few times and equally we all cancel on each other at some point (nearly all have toddlers/babies/young children)
I feel that I am as a person a really good friend to them in other ways and I hope they recognise that. I wouldn’t be cross with a friend if she cancelled a few times if I valued them enough.

It's normal for me and lots of other introverts OP. Accept yourself as you are. Half the population are introverts and it's a great thing to be.

I’m not sure if the shyness/social anxiety..or whatever it is, is the same as autism 🤷🏻‍♀️

I'm the same! Even my closest friend I panic if I randomly see her out when I'm not expecting! I sometimes get so worried about the prospect of bumping into people that I'll actively avoid certain places.

I feel the same OP, and about phone calls too!

@Newyearsameme2021 I totally agree with you I work with autistic people as part of my profession. I am not autistic. I do have low self esteem and mild anxiety.

I think this thread will help me enormously. Thank you op

When it starts to impact on your ability to function.

My GP referred me for assessment and apparently I was typical of the ASD female who had spent her life wondering why I could have friends but chose to engage only when I felt able. It was exhausting just being with people, sometimes. I had to work up to even the simplest of “meets” and if cancelled I’d be hugely relieved.

I’m just the same!

It’s the worst thing seeing someone in the supermarket & then seeng them in every aisle! I used to go bright red if I did see anyone I knew, but have thankfully outgrown this.

I avoid work social events, & if I do need to go (& even events that I want to go on, such as with my friends), I am incredible anxious all day. My greatest fear with this is being left with someone, anyone, regardless of how well I know them, & having to make small talk.

Even with my 3 friends, I much prefer it if we are all together & then it won’t be noticed so much when I can’t think of anything to say!

I am the same!

I dream of living in the middle of nowhere so I can put the bins out without having to see anyone!

I'm exactly the same OP! Definitely normal to me!

I think a lot of people are like this! I wouldn't let it worry you.

I’m like that. You’re just a bit introverted, like me. Our culture values extroversion so we feel like freaks sometimes because we don’t fit the norm. However, a lot of extroverts are, in my experience, good at boring on about themselves and the minutiae of their lives. Who says that’s better? I’m fifty now and only just starting to see/ accept this.

You sound like me OP. Where I live you can self refer for anxiety. I did, and had a course of CBT which really helped me. I would recommend giving it a go if that is an option where you live.

I could have written that too, seems like there are a lot of us! It does make you feel like there’s something ‘wrong’ with you but there isn’t, it’s perfectly normal.

Completely normal OP.

We put in large "fxxk off gates" 🤣 to emphasis the fact 25 years ago.

Very expensive and worth every penny.

I am a social person...but on my terms.

I value my privacy and in a very urban setting, gates were a great addition to our home and children's safety 😉

I think you are totally normal. Many people would feel like you.

I’m the same, I’m quite outgoing and personable, but actually I prefer not to be. I can’t say I’ve found not going out due to covid particularly challenging. Aside from not being able to see my immediate family, I’ve quite enjoyed the lifting of the pressure to have to attend social events.

Very relieved and quite surprised to see so many similar people 💓