Hiding from people-not normal is it 🤷🏻‍♀️

[Newyearsameme2021]

Feeling quite embarrassed to be writing this, but wanting to check that my ‘Quirks’ weren’t totally weird.
For example, if we see people we know when we’re out, for a walk or whatever, my first instinct is to want to hide from them 🤷🏻‍♀️I sometimes feel so awkward, is that normal? It really depends what mood I’m in but the majority of the time I’d rather not bump into people I know. I suppose I have social anxiety? I’ve had friends all my life but don’t greatly love social situations unless I’m really in the mood. If I’m in a certain mood, it can take all my nerves/energy to even meet up with a good friend for a coffee, a friend who I know loves me and we have a great time and I always feel better afterwards..what’s wrong with me? Does anyone else feel like this?
I also hate if people just ‘Drop by’ to the house and we rarely have anyone aside from family over.
I was always a strange mix of quite shy at some points when younger and outgoing. As a teen I was out every night with a big group of friends..
I’m worst socially at work and can sometimes barely feel like having a conversation, I hate making other people feel awkward and am surprised I have any friends at all, being like this.
What’s wrong with me and why can’t I just be easy and outgoing like other people?

@Newyearsameme2021 you sound just like me. It's because I haven't factored this into my plans. I like meeting (particular) people when I've arranged it. Not at other times. Unless it's my sister-in-law. She can drop in any time she likes.

I am similar to some degree. I went through a long phase in my 20s and 30s of turning bright red if I bumped into someone I knew when out and about or even if someone just stopped by my desk at work. The fear of turning bright red became a vicious cycle and I’d and up suddenly running away from people and then have them think I was completely deranged!

I have a few close friends but I don’t like socialising much. My DH is the same so we have very little social life (even in normal times) and we don’t have any “couple” or “family friends”. It’s something I’m a bit embarrassed about but less so as I get older.

I am still very self conscious though and have always hated having to speak up as 8 have no confidence in what I’m saying and that shines through. That upsets me.

I could have written your post @Newyearsameme2021. Seriously.

I’ve had a career in a people oriented profession. Am (or can be) sociable in small amounts but when I’m done, when my social energy has expired, that’s it!

I have a late diagnosis of Aspergers and now... it ALL makes total sense.

@julieandertoninthewarehouse It is difficult you're not alone. Honestly practicing breezey greetings will help, you won't panic, you'll feel prepared simple "oh nice to see you, lovely/crap day isn't it" Fake it till you make it.
You sound lovely online anyway.
I use to feel like this I'm not recommending drugs steraline blocks my anxiety my confidence improved.

It's not abnormal, especially on mumsnet who seems to have a disproportionately large number of extremely introverted posters.

You have just explained why some people blow hot and cold. If you are guilty of blowing hot and cold with people you know that it does make most people wonder what they have done to offend you.

I often see posts on MN from upset posters because they have a friend who does this.

I think we all have it to some extent. For example, it can be awkward if you're out in the pub and there are people there you know but who are not your friends. Sometimes I'm on my own and they feel like they should invite me over, but I don't want that and neither do they really so you have to just sort of keep nodding at each other every once in a while.

I'm the same and I don't care at all. I'm way too old to be apologising for who I am. I'm a good friend and a kind person who would help people if I possibly could. I just don't like socialising. I find it really tedious.

@DayBath : 14:54
Exactly!

This is of no help to you whatsoever but I am exactly the same as you!!

I absolutely hate bumping in to people when out and can't think of anything worse than having a conversation. I despise it if someone thinks they can just drop by the house as well. I am awkward as fuck in work and sometimes really chatty and people love me or the absolute opposite and I look and feel really awkward/uncomfortable making a conversation. I can see I make other people uncomfortable.

I think everyone is different and I would say compared to most people I know, it probably is a little bit abnormal (not quite the word I was going for, but can't think of a better one right now😂), however, I think it is a mix of being introverted and also social anxiety. Do you have confidence issues too? I find that also doesn't help my situation! Life would be so much easier being an extrovert would it!! 😩

I feel like now I have toddler Dd, I really have to be more sociable for her sake, surely? I don’t see how I can’t be really, so I’m keen o not keep falling back into the awkward pattern where I don’t want to be social.
I would love to be a chilled out person who loves people coming in and out of our house or has lots of dates in my diary.
I think in year 2021, I need to start saying yes to more things.
Is this just an introverted personality? I feel like different people would describe me differently also! Some people would most likely not realise I’m like this. Oh to be straightforward

I'm a hider too. I even go to the lengths of driving to a supermarket the other side of town to avoid bumping into friends or neighbours. It's the forced small talk that I find most excruciating, followed by a dread of how to end a conversation without looking rude.

I don't like having people in my house at all. I feel like I'm being held hostage if they hang around too long. I'd much rather in neutral territory with a planned ending time 'I must be home by 3 for a delivery' or something like that.

It used to bother me but I feel comfortable in my own ways now. I actually do like interacting with people but in short bursts. I also prefer proper indepth conversations to small talk or gossip.

I’m the same. I’ve driven away from the supermarket before because I’ve seen a relatives car in the car park.

I’m actually fine with strangers, fine with other people in certain circumstances but an unplanned meeting in a supermarket or out on a walk fills me with absolute dread!

Generally I like to stop and chat to people if I bump into them whilst out and about. It's more difficult, though, if it's a more distant acquaintance who I don't really want to have a pointless conversation with. For these instances, I have adopted a bright and breezy "wave and hello" whilst still walking!

I would love to be a chilled out person who loves people coming in and out of our house or has lots of dates in my diary
You don't have to be but small steps can be achieved to keep a balance without any pressure.
A breezey hello with a smile at the school gate, join an activity with DD.
I find there is a lot of self help out there for a confidence boost it is worth a try.

I'm just like you too OP.

@Agoodbriskwalk : You and I would get on fabulously😉

I too find socialising a pain in the neck.

There are thousands of things I'd much rather be doing than sitting "chatting".

My only fear, as I'm getting older, is that the day will come when I'll be bundled into a minibus to be taken to a day centre somewhere for "a lovely lunch", or I'll be pressurised into having a " befriender" visit me once a week so I don't get "lonely".

I'm practicing saying "bugger off and leave me alone" in the mirror, in readiness.😊

@jabice Are you my twin 😂

Yes it’s usually when I’m feeling low in confidence..and I’m not sure why I might suddenly feel low in confidence.
I just find it all so awkward, whereas I imagine people who aren’t like this probably think ‘What’s up with her?’

I’m like this and I’ve just accepted that it’s an introvert thing. I hate unplanned social contact, find it awkward, but no-one would ever know as I’ve learnt how to make small talk.
Planned social events I do enjoy, I love the company of others but when I’m done I’m done and need to leave. If I’ve been with people all day, eg at work, I find an evening social event extremely hard. I need to recharge in between. That means the drinks after work thing is my idea of hell as there is no recharge time. I don’t think people get that. Usually in those circumstances I am quieter than usual.
OP, You describe something a little more socially anxious when you get to a venue and find it difficult to go in. You may need to find ways online to get through that, loads on google. Or get a book, lots on how to be a comfortable and happy introvert.
It is not abnormal at all, some people manage it and accept it better than others, that’s all.

I hide from people too, I have a diagnosis of social anxiety

Have a read about Myers-Briggs personality types. You’re not abnormal, you’re just an introverted personality type. There’s nothing wrong with that, we can’t all be the same, that would be boring!

You think that other people aren’t like you, but how do you know? You’re putting on an act to mask how you feel, how do you know others aren’t doing the same? I bet they are!

What I would say to you though is that it’s not fair on others to accept invitations and then not turn up, especially for kids’ parties. You do really need to try and overcome it for situations like that, where you’re affecting other people.

I have found my people! (The irony )
OP, I could have written your post pretty much word for word. I go through phases in terms of how I feel about it. For a while I'll feel very determined to change. But then I'll think actually, why should I change just because society expects me to be different? I can't decide whether I'm happy being this way or not. I became a mum this year, and I know what you mean about feeling the need to make an effort for their sake. But I'm not sure. Does it really matter? I am also a SAHM now and have no idea how I'll ever go back to work, now I've got used to not having to deal with that.

@covidaintacrime, you have totally described my dream existence there
I've often said to DH how much I'd love to close the front door and never see anybody else again!!

I’m very similar and have been for many years

For example, if we see people we know when we’re out, for a walk or whatever, my first instinct is to want to hide from them 🤷🏻‍♀️I sometimes feel so awkward, is that normal?

If I spot someone I know when out and about in public, I instinctively feel panicked, guilty (?!) and frequently pretend I haven't seen them and/or get past them without them seeing me. It doesn't matter whether I like the person or not. I think it's more to do with being surprised by someone in a context I didn't expect or feel 'prepared' for.

It's got worse as I've aged. But I have long suspected that I have undiagnosed ASD.

Oh, and another thing you’d learn from Myers-Briggs is that some people like plans and others are spontaneous. The planners don’t like their plans to be changed, and they don’t like unexpected things to happen - hence not liking meeting people when you didn’t expect it or people dropping round - whereas the spontaneous ones don’t care. Again - neither type is abnormal, just different.

OP, everything you said could also be applied to myself. I'm introverted and socially anxious. I most enjoy social interaction where I'm doing something, such as music sessions: I don't enjoy small talk at all and if anything, I've got worse over time. I live with another introvert who doesn't panic as much over social events but doesn't go out of his way to attend them either. Oddly enough it's usually me who suggests them and then worries over it.