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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Husband has a nap, I'm pregnant and no nap allowed

205 replies

OneNapForMeNoNapForYou · 31/12/2020 06:30

It's as tedious as it sounds.
Husband brings toddler back from shops 2 days in a row late, obviously toddler's had power nap so refuses actual nap. Over tired screaming baby.
I say on the second day of this happening that he can deal with the fallout. I'm pregnant with no.3, ill most of the time, throwing up, migraines etc.
Went for a lie down as migraine as ever if I'm tired.
He's obviously not happy he's having to look after toddler, stamps in afyer 1.5hrs, no asking how I am, no conversation, I'm woken up with bright light as he announces he's off to fix the lawnmower.

Toddler left in kitchen as I come out asking what the fuck.
He's already outside.

I yell after him asking if it's really normal to just run out the door and leave your wife I'll, of course then I look mad yelling.

He had naps all last week where he slept all afternoon til after 5pm, I didn't angrily throw kids at him after 1.5 hrs like a petulant toddler.

Maybe 2021 I start treating him how he treats me.

OP posts:
wellthatsunusual · 31/12/2020 06:35

I'd lose my shit. Is he generally selfish? Or was this a one off?

Original poster
OneNapForMeNoNapForYou · 31/12/2020 06:38

@wellthatsunusual

I'd lose my shit. Is he generally selfish? Or was this a one off?
Very petty. I knew I'd be punished for having a lie down
OP posts:
MakeMineALarge1 · 31/12/2020 06:40

And you get what out if this relationship?

Amira19 · 31/12/2020 06:40

Surely he's always been like this? My dh especially pregnant would encourage me to have a rest and take over.

Shoxfordian · 31/12/2020 06:40

He should be looking after you and supporting you not treating you like this

Are you going to stay with such a selfish man?

Pinkyandthebrainz · 31/12/2020 06:42

YANBU. I don't predict things will improve when a third DC drops into the mix.

BeingATwatItsABingThing · 31/12/2020 06:45

Unless there was a one off emergency, DH wouldn’t wake me up from a nap, especially when pregnant and feeling ill. I wouldn’t wake him either. I sent him for two naps on Boxing Day because he was feeling ill. We have a 6yo and a 3mo.

Your husband sounds like a dick.

wrigglepigg · 31/12/2020 06:46

How do you put up with him? What a prick.

HelloitsmeMargaret · 31/12/2020 06:49

@ONeNapForMeNoNapForYou

OP are you ok? Feeling like your partner is going to punish you for looking after yourself is not normal, it's really not.

Do you have friends/family you can talk to in real life?

Original poster
OneNapForMeNoNapForYou · 31/12/2020 06:49

Well that's the end of his naps for a start.
Zero now.
He's not getting any kindness from me anymore.
I'm sick of being the person who isn't petty or tit for tat.

I don't know anyone who would treat their pregnant wife so repulsively.
It's like he is so angry that I have an 'Excuse' to lie about.
I'm usually just trying not throw up but I think he sees, oh she's had a lie down all day...I'll have my special nap now.

OP posts:
orangesnapples · 31/12/2020 06:50

This could be my husband, napped all though my pregnancies and some quiet bad illnesses, he would send me to rest and with in 10/15 minutes one of the kids would turn up saying Dads asleep on the sofa. I think Iv had 8 naps in 10 years.

This last few months Iv put my foot down and there are no naps for him and if he does, then he now knows he's making dinner and bath I g the children while I sit and watch, taking the same chill time as he does nap time.

Bluewallpaperflowers · 31/12/2020 06:50

Wtf? Why should you be ‘punished’ for having a lie down? Horrible

Bluewallpaperflowers · 31/12/2020 06:52

OP I agree with others do you have anyone you can you talk to about this?

Original poster
OneNapForMeNoNapForYou · 31/12/2020 06:53

[quote HelloitsmeMargaret]@ONeNapForMeNoNapForYou

OP are you ok? Feeling like your partner is going to punish you for looking after yourself is not normal, it's really not.

Do you have friends/family you can talk to in real life?[/quote]
It's quite hideous living with it.
I'm not like that as I don't agree with that toxic behaviour but perhaps a taste of his own medicine is in order.

He's still out now with the neighbour probably having a great laugh over how mad I am.

If I ever say I need a nap or am upset, which I rarely do, he'll not keep kids quiet, he'll do nothing to help or any jobs like dishwasher and will just trash place.

OP posts:
Original poster
OneNapForMeNoNapForYou · 31/12/2020 06:56

@orangesnapples

This could be my husband, napped all though my pregnancies and some quiet bad illnesses, he would send me to rest and with in 10/15 minutes one of the kids would turn up saying Dads asleep on the sofa. I think Iv had 8 naps in 10 years.

This last few months Iv put my foot down and there are no naps for him and if he does, then he now knows he's making dinner and bath I g the children while I sit and watch, taking the same chill time as he does nap time.

Yes that's him

Perhaps a long lost brother.

People asking if I have anyone to talk to, I do, his friends agree he's awful, I've had many ask what the fuck he's playing at.

OP posts:
StiffyByng1 · 31/12/2020 07:08

I don’t understand why you would have a third child with him :(

TwilightSkies · 31/12/2020 07:10

He’s awful. Uncaring, unloving. Your anger is completely justified.
Not gonna say LTB, just let this be the start of a new chapter. No more bullshit.

blackcat86 · 31/12/2020 07:13

Then just stop. Dh used to be awful for this and still is to some extent. He always places himself as the victim and can't tolerate others being poorly, resting etc. Firstly, get yourself a copy of Lundy Bancroft 'why does he do that', secondly start talking about what is happening to your DH and to friends/family- clearly label the behaviour and how you know what he is doing to disrupt any rest you have whilst napping himself etc. Thirdly, get yourself sorted - sort out work, finances, contraception (once you have given birth), social support etc and forge ahead with your own life. Get yourself childcare and tell him very little about anything you really care about. That's if you don't choose to just leave.

165EatonPlace · 31/12/2020 07:13

You are obviously at the end of your tether, why have another baby??

HelloitsmeMargaret · 31/12/2020 07:14

@StiffyByng1 that's a massively unhelpful thing to say.

OP are you able to talk to him about how this makes you feel? Toxic doesn't sound great for a relationship and doing it back to him may not have the result you're looking for - particularly if he doesn't even listen to his mates telling him he's a dick.

peachypetite · 31/12/2020 07:14

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Original poster
OneNapForMeNoNapForYou · 31/12/2020 07:14

@StiffyByng1

I don’t understand why you would have a third child with him :(
It wasn't planned. I am still breastfeeding the middle one spnom twice as tired as hardly eating and having to make milk and grow the new one.

I can't undo it now

OP posts:
speakout · 31/12/2020 07:14

Has he always been like this OP?

Or just since your third child was concieved?
I am not sure how a new baby in the mix will help.
You need to sit down and have some serious discussion.

HelloitsmeMargaret · 31/12/2020 07:16

@165EatonPlace what would you have her do? Click her fingers and make the baby disappear?

OneNapForMeNoNapForYou · 31/12/2020 07:17

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