Husband has a nap, I'm pregnant and no nap allowed

[OneNapForMeNoNapForYou]

It's as tedious as it sounds.
Husband brings toddler back from shops 2 days in a row late, obviously toddler's had power nap so refuses actual nap. Over tired screaming baby.
I say on the second day of this happening that he can deal with the fallout. I'm pregnant with no.3, ill most of the time, throwing up, migraines etc.
Went for a lie down as migraine as ever if I'm tired.
He's obviously not happy he's having to look after toddler, stamps in afyer 1.5hrs, no asking how I am, no conversation, I'm woken up with bright light as he announces he's off to fix the lawnmower.

Toddler left in kitchen as I come out asking what the fuck.
He's already outside.

I yell after him asking if it's really normal to just run out the door and leave your wife I'll, of course then I look mad yelling.

He had naps all last week where he slept all afternoon til after 5pm, I didn't angrily throw kids at him after 1.5 hrs like a petulant toddler.

Maybe 2021 I start treating him how he treats me.

@endofthelinefinally

Looking back, I wish I had asked for more help from my GP. I had lost my first pregnancy at 13 weeks and was terrified to take any medication. However, that was all over 20 years ago and through my work in clinical research I now know that there are many safe options for medication that might help you. How is your blood pressure? Is it being checked regularly? I know ante natal care has become very patchy due to covid.

I need to get bp checked thanks for reminding me.

@An0n0n0n

I'm not judging you for weaning but i dont think it's something you'd be at the point of considering if you had a decent husband who supported you napping and did his fair share. He's currently not working so why wouldn't he be bending over backwards to support you and spend time with his kids?

For context my husband does at least 5050 and works full time. As he should. As yours should.

It's ok. I wanted to wean anyway by 18mths, it's killing my nipples.

I dont see all these posts asking poor OP why she is having another baby with him ,are helping at all TBH!

@endofthelinefinally

I also know that sleep is the only thing that controls the nausea and vomiting a bit. Anybody who doesn't realise that has never experienced hyperemesis or migraine. I can remember just sitting crying because I felt so ill. Labour was an absolute doddle by comparison.

Yes it's bloody awful

I'm sorry you're in this position, but you sound like you have your head screwed on right.

But you had a nap for 1.5 hours?

I agree he is a twat though

Hi OP

1. you sound lovely
2. ignore all the twats who keep whining on about 'why did you get pregnant again' when you've answered it a million million times
3. keep firmly insisting your useless lump of a DH looks after you and the kids properly and stops behaving like a 2 year old-be crystal clear with him if he's going to behave like a thick idiot
4. get support from GP
5. good luck with it all

OP you sound great and I'm sorry things are not going well for you at the moment.

I think clear but kind communication is the way forward. You need to be able to tell him how you feel, that you are exhausted by this pregnancy and need a daily uninterrupted 2 hour nap at 2pm or whatever it is that you need. Say you need him to step up right now.

You can also ask him what he needs.
Maybe it would help to have a weekly planning session between the two of you about what needs doing each day and who will do it.

If DH can't or won't engage with this process then I don't think you have much of a relationship to salvage.

@Horehound

But you had a nap for 1.5 hours?

I agree he is a twat though

Well it took a while to relax enough to get to sleep so it wasn't fun being jolted awake by a door flung open and blazing sunlight and some lawnmower chat and 'I'm off'. I.never get migraines outside of pregnancy. It's horrific to be jolted awake with bright light without sickness and migraines. I don't go for 6hour naps usually, I barely just go for a sleep so if I do it's because I need It and I'll risk the pouting. Husband randomly announces he needs sleeps and just goes, I'd never do what he did unless it was midnight and he'sbeen there all day.

But you had a nap for 1.5 hours?

Does that means he was in charge of his children for 1.5 hours??? Amazing! I wish how much sympathy a woman would get if she feels it is unfair she took care of the kids for such a long time.

A 1.5 hrs nap during a migraine is hardly any help, it would still be massively painful after you wake up.

Jesus OP I'm so sorry you're being treated this way. Don't you think it says a lot about posters when they judge you for getting pregnant (like you did that all by yourself) but don't judge or even mention your husband for treating you so terribly?

My youngest is 15 months now and that pregnancy sounds a lot like yours. I was sick the whole way through even with medication and it was so exhausting. We had 2 others 4 and 3 and I was working 40hrs a week having to run to be sick multiple times a day. I remember waking up to be sick and wondering how on earth I'd make it through work.

I would come home and my four year old would say "I'll watch tele so you can have a sleep". So I'd have half an hour on the sofa whilst he watched tv. He was 4 and had more empathy than your adult husband.

I'd wager most posters telling you to just leave today wouldn't leave in your situation unless, like you said, they had a second home and lots of money to afford someone to look after the older two whilst you're so ill.

You do what is best for you now. I'd have a plan for leaving when I felt able so I would know what I'd need to do and how long that would take just in case. I raised my eldest alone so if you would like any tips feel free to ask! You're already in a better position as I had to build my career as a single parent.

Good luck and I hope you start to feel better soon.

@WaterOffADucksCrack

Jesus OP I'm so sorry you're being treated this way. Don't you think it says a lot about posters when they judge you for getting pregnant (like you did that all by yourself) but don't judge or even mention your husband for treating you so terribly?

My youngest is 15 months now and that pregnancy sounds a lot like yours. I was sick the whole way through even with medication and it was so exhausting. We had 2 others 4 and 3 and I was working 40hrs a week having to run to be sick multiple times a day. I remember waking up to be sick and wondering how on earth I'd make it through work.

I would come home and my four year old would say "I'll watch tele so you can have a sleep". So I'd have half an hour on the sofa whilst he watched tv. He was 4 and had more empathy than your adult husband.

I'd wager most posters telling you to just leave today wouldn't leave in your situation unless, like you said, they had a second home and lots of money to afford someone to look after the older two whilst you're so ill.

You do what is best for you now. I'd have a plan for leaving when I felt able so I would know what I'd need to do and how long that would take just in case. I raised my eldest alone so if you would like any tips feel free to ask! You're already in a better position as I had to build my career as a single parent.

Good luck and I hope you start to feel better soon.

I appreciate your kindness.

Head starting to hurt again just in time for bed so hopefully sleep soon.

Thanks again

Migraines are ghastly, pregnancy sickness on top would finish me off. Agree that perhaps the GP telling him that you need at least a two hour nap every day, might help, but really he sounds so selfish. The helping others thing clearly makes him feel like a hero, whereas dealing with the drudgery of everyday pressures doesn’t.
I agree get your BP checked, although the migraines could be triggered by the high progesterone levels now ? I also breastfed all through a pregnancy and I remember how completely shattered I felt all the time. I once just fell asleep while my toddler pottered about which gave me a huge fright. DH was come home from work and I would just hand him toddler dd and go and lie down. Several times I had to call him at work and ask him to come home and take over because I was so exhausted I didn’t feel safe to look after dd, I thought I might just fall asleep. I would take her out and walk to the library because I knew that would keep me awake. I had a thyroid problem which was a contributing factor, plus less than ideal iron levels and still being woken twice a night.
I feel for you OP , you can’t go on like this. I think a third party giving him a talking to is the only thing to do, GP, midwife etc. You really need to get some rest. He is behaving like a child.

@KarmaNoMore

But you had a nap for 1.5 hours?

Does that means he was in charge of his children for 1.5 hours??? Amazing! I wish how much sympathy a woman would get if she feels it is unfair she took care of the kids for such a long time.

A 1.5 hrs nap during a migraine is hardly any help, it would still be massively painful after you wake up.

Well her title is "no nap allowed" when in actual fact she got 1.5 hours. I mean any longer I think that's more just an actual sleep!

However in not saying the husband's actions are fine...no way. She should leave him.

I don't know what's more shocking - the sheer number of awful fucking men, or the amount of women that are marrying and having kids with them.
Leave him, OP. I can't understand how you can barely to live with it.

@StiffyByng1

I don’t understand why you would have a third child with him :(

quite - was about to post similar

Can we start a campaign on MN for 2021 for women who have such little self esteem, grateful for any scraps.

It's really depressed me this year reading threads like this over and over and over.

The only think I can think of is that they are so desperate for children that they will accept any old shite.

God I would so much rather be childless and single than tolerate living like that.

Sorry to be blunt OP.

@ LEELULUMPKIN. This is just a horrible post and you quite clearly haven’t read the thread as OP has explained.

I thought the whole point of OP posting was to get the support your ‘campaign’ promotes, rather than to just kick her when she’s down.
OP good luck with dealing with your DH and pregnancy. You know it’s shit. You’ve got good suggestions about how to deal with it, so I wish you all the best for 2021.

@FarTooMuchWashing If I wasn't trying to support the OP I wouldn't have been so honest.

Trouble is with threads like this it will be something else soon.

I bet the majority of people who post stuff like this it won't be a one time affair.

Can we start a campaign on MN for 2021 for women who have such little self esteem, grateful for any scraps.

How about a campaign where we are actually nice and supportive towards women rather than just being rude and blaming them for everything.

I hope you get a good rest tonight and your DH starts stepping up. It's appalling how he's treated you when you're feeling so ill.

God he sounds like a child. Is there a way you could sit and talk to him about how you feel (assuming you don’t want to leave him)

You poor woman.

Every parents nightmare to have a daughter end up like you with such a selfish prick.

I really feel for you.

Can you get any support IRL.

I think he is abusive.
Please tell you GP you need support.

Puke up on him . Then tell him he can clean himself up and you will be going for your nap

@SirVixofVixHall

Migraines are ghastly, pregnancy sickness on top would finish me off. Agree that perhaps the GP telling him that you need at least a two hour nap every day, might help, but really he sounds so selfish. The helping others thing clearly makes him feel like a hero, whereas dealing with the drudgery of everyday pressures doesn’t. I agree get your BP checked, although the migraines could be triggered by the high progesterone levels now ? I also breastfed all through a pregnancy and I remember how completely shattered I felt all the time. I once just fell asleep while my toddler pottered about which gave me a huge fright. DH was come home from work and I would just hand him toddler dd and go and lie down. Several times I had to call him at work and ask him to come home and take over because I was so exhausted I didn’t feel safe to look after dd, I thought I might just fall asleep. I would take her out and walk to the library because I knew that would keep me awake. I had a thyroid problem which was a contributing factor, plus less than ideal iron levels and still being woken twice a night. I feel for you OP , you can’t go on like this. I think a third party giving him a talking to is the only thing to do, GP, midwife etc. You really need to get some rest. He is behaving like a child.

Can I ask.jow you coped with the breastfeeding atbtge end of your pregnancy? I'm.jyst worried if I don't wean then middle child is going to wonder where night boob went and then see new baby with their boobs and be agitated. I wanted a few months to break the association.

😁