Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Husband has a nap, I'm pregnant and no nap allowed

205 replies

OneNapForMeNoNapForYou · 31/12/2020 06:30

It's as tedious as it sounds.
Husband brings toddler back from shops 2 days in a row late, obviously toddler's had power nap so refuses actual nap. Over tired screaming baby.
I say on the second day of this happening that he can deal with the fallout. I'm pregnant with no.3, ill most of the time, throwing up, migraines etc.
Went for a lie down as migraine as ever if I'm tired.
He's obviously not happy he's having to look after toddler, stamps in afyer 1.5hrs, no asking how I am, no conversation, I'm woken up with bright light as he announces he's off to fix the lawnmower.

Toddler left in kitchen as I come out asking what the fuck.
He's already outside.

I yell after him asking if it's really normal to just run out the door and leave your wife I'll, of course then I look mad yelling.

He had naps all last week where he slept all afternoon til after 5pm, I didn't angrily throw kids at him after 1.5 hrs like a petulant toddler.

Maybe 2021 I start treating him how he treats me.

OP posts:
Original poster
OneNapForMeNoNapForYou · 31/12/2020 22:36

@LEELULUMPKIN

Can we start a campaign on MN for 2021 for women who have such little self esteem, grateful for any scraps.

It's really depressed me this year reading threads like this over and over and over.

The only think I can think of is that they are so desperate for children that they will accept any old shite.

God I would so much rather be childless and single than tolerate living like that.

Sorry to be blunt OP.

🤣🤣🤣 This was more painful than the migraine. Ow.

It's fine to be blunt, I'm not desperate for babies or low self esteem, just pregnant and emotional..

OP posts:
Original poster
OneNapForMeNoNapForYou · 31/12/2020 22:42

@FarTooMuchWashing

@ LEELULUMPKIN. This is just a horrible post and you quite clearly haven’t read the thread as OP has explained. I thought the whole point of OP posting was to get the support your ‘campaign’ promotes, rather than to just kick her when she’s down. OP good luck with dealing with your DH and pregnancy. You know it’s shit. You’ve got good suggestions about how to deal with it, so I wish you all the best for 2021.
He looks pretty sheepish today. Hopefully no nap ruining and I get a lay down with little middle child soon and have a rest. Slept pretty well, no wretching yet so it must happen more when I'm run down.

Will have a chat with husband later when I can formulate a calm response.

OP posts:
SirVixofVixHall · 31/12/2020 22:44

I talked to her over the months about the baby arriving and that the baby would need to have milk first because that is all a baby can drink, and then there was a point when she said that she was a big girl and milk was for the baby and stopped of her own accord. This was a couple of weeks before I gave birth, so she was two and a quarter. I think she regretted it a few months later but then I didn’t want to start tandem feeding, I was too exhausted.
Your toddler is smaller , so in your place I would drop a feed at a time gradually until you are just on a night feed, and then decide if you want to drop that or tandem feed for a bit.

RandomMess · 31/12/2020 22:45

I hope he is sheepish.

I feel really just reading you have morning sickness and migraines!!!

I was going to suggest you find a very local support bubble and go for your naps there!!! Also good for night weaning, if you aren't there he will have to cope with the DC regardless!

Thanks
Plussizejumpsuit · 31/12/2020 22:48

Does he not have a job? Why is he napping all afternoon. He sounds like a selfish arse why are you having a 3rd baby with him?

JokeTheCoalman · 31/12/2020 22:50

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Plussizejumpsuit · 31/12/2020 22:56

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Plussizejumpsuit · 31/12/2020 22:56

But no I get it we aren't allowed to ask why women keep breeding with fucking useless men. Seemingly against the mumsnet code. Women must be allowed to make shit choices for themselves and their existing children.

LagunaBubbles · 31/12/2020 22:57

Its the children in these awful stories I feel sorry for. And yet some people think posters in these situations should be treated with kid gloves, oh well they're pregnant now, not helpful to ask why etc ....no. There is no doubt this guy sounds like a complete dick. But children don't ask to be brought up in these awful relationships, we all have choices in life. I treat adults who have had awful childhoods brought up in awful relationships. It just gets frustrating sometimes.

Crankley · 31/12/2020 23:06

Can I ask, was he different before children, doing his fair share of housework etc? Did he change after your first baby or is it only now that you're pregnant with the third that is is being such an infantile twat?

TheOneLeggedJockey · 31/12/2020 23:09

Does he not have a job? Why is he napping all afternoon. He sounds like a selfish arse why are you having a 3rd baby with him?

Read the full thread ya boring bastard

Reading the thread doesn’t provide any illumination to those questions....

Original poster
OneNapForMeNoNapForYou · 31/12/2020 23:20

@TheOneLeggedJockey

Does he not have a job? Why is he napping all afternoon. He sounds like a selfish arse why are you having a 3rd baby with him?

Read the full thread ya boring bastard

Reading the thread doesn’t provide any illumination to those questions....

🤣🤣 crikey. He does work but a contract ended and he's looking for a new one, there's no real issue.

As for why I'm having another, I also answered that it was unplanned but not unwanted, I am breastfeeding and middle child took years to conceive so wasn't hugely worried.

He was pretty good with last pregnancy but I worked through that pregnancy and eldest much older so could nap while they were at school. He's great with middle child, loves them, does bed and dinners etc when I just can't face food/smells. I just don't know what's happened now.
I think he's just bored of me being sick and the weird nap/sleep ruining when I'm not well is pretty bizarre.

He's probably tired himself looking after 2 kids while seeing me 'lounging around' my room/bathroom.
I think that's probably the crux of it. Last pregnancy was different.

Like a previous poster said, he took middle child out to the shops and probably thought 'she's getting all this time alone that she'd not get if I was working' when in fact I'm just throwing up, trying to eat, wondering if they've had a power nap in the car so won't sleep in the day etc.

I hope that helps.

Stay calm.

OP posts:
Original poster
OneNapForMeNoNapForYou · 31/12/2020 23:29

@Crankley

Can I ask, was he different before children, doing his fair share of housework etc? Did he change after your first baby or is it only now that you're pregnant with the third that is is being such an infantile twat?
He's a very untidy person so I'd saynhes never pulled his weight, he'd say it just doesn't bother him. He prefers the garden/growing veg etc.

He'll be great one day, next day he's having a sulk.

In do often feel like if I take a needed break, he'll be waiting to take one as well, usually at really stupid times to make sure he got the same, to me it's a punishment but to him he thinks it's fine.

Yesterday was so horrible i felt that he took me complaining that the child's nap had been ruined so he needed to look after them since I'd had the previous day had to suffer it, as a huge insult and so he wasn't going to allow me to sleep after being 'told off'.

OP posts:
BlackCatShadow · 31/12/2020 23:52

@TheOneLeggedJockey

Does he not have a job? Why is he napping all afternoon. He sounds like a selfish arse why are you having a 3rd baby with him?

Read the full thread ya boring bastard

Reading the thread doesn’t provide any illumination to those questions....

She did explain before that he was a contract worker whose contract had expired.

I’m in a similar situation. Things were fine during my first 2 pregnancies, but I was really sick during my third pregnancy and my then-husband was utterly awful to me. It was then I saw him for who he really was. He just seemed really resentful of me. In retrospect I could see the red flags, but it’s hard to get perspective on your situation when you are in it. I don’t see how the victim-blaming is supposed to help. Sure if we could travel back in time and do things differently we would, but we can’t, so maybe draw a line under it and just help the OP deal with her situation as it stands not blame her for being in this situation. There is one person to blame here and that’s her husband.

BlackCatShadow · 31/12/2020 23:54

@OneNapForMeNoNapForYou

He's a contractor and his contract ended before xmas.
This comment here ^^
Baycob · 31/12/2020 23:55

@StiffyByng1

I don’t understand why you would have a third child with him :(
Exactly, nevermind a second.
Original poster
OneNapForMeNoNapForYou · 01/01/2021 00:13

Yesterday 23:55Baycob

StiffyByng1

I don’t understand why you would have a third child with him sad

Exactly, nevermind a second.

🤣🤣🤣🤣

It's like a drinking game.

Everyone take a shot after each time this gem is rolled out.

Last pregnancy was fine, I was working and could sleep as older child at school.

🤪🤪🤪

OP posts:
Flyingfreeasabird · 01/01/2021 01:02

I breastfed my first through my second pregnancy and it's not for the faint hearted! I didn't have any sickness either! I did have a few migraines, though sounds like you're suffering quite badly, OP Sad

I don't blame you for wanting to wean. Though I think it was quite a good thing for my older one to still have that connection with me after the baby was born. Some kids really can't handle sharing their milk though so it's a bit of an unknown quantity. You can read stories and talk about the new baby all you want but they're not going to get it until the baby is actually here Smile

Try the Pregnant and/or Tandem Breastfeeders group on Facebook if you've got more questions about that side of things.

Hope you get more opportunity to rest though! Flowers

LoveMyKidsAndCats · 01/01/2021 02:15

Implant after baby OP. Not regretted getting mine.

BlackCatShadow · 01/01/2021 03:27

If you can, ask them to check your iron levels. I’m willing to bet you must be anaemic. It would also explain why you’re so exhausted. Take care and I hope the rest of the pregnancy goes smoothly.

1forAll74 · 01/01/2021 04:20

You are feeling very stressed and frazzled, so try and calm down now. I am not sure if it works for you, as in having a very unreasonable Husband, who never listens to what you say, but you must try and get through to him how you feel, and what you wan't him to do. I don't know what he is like obviously, as in selfish, uncaring and all the rest, but you shouldn't have to be living with an uncaring person, who does not recognise how you feel about things every day.

WhatKatyDidNxt · 01/01/2021 05:09

He’s a dick. So why have yet another child. Abortion is possible. Abortion and a contraception are things Confused

Original poster
OneNapForMeNoNapForYou · 01/01/2021 05:17

@WhatKatyDidNxt

He’s a dick. So why have yet another child. Abortion is possible. Abortion and a contraception are things Confused
Glad you got up at 5am to write that? It's not an unwanted pregnancy, last pregnancy wasn't like this.

I'm aware of my options. It's past that point now, the old horse has bolted and is merrily galloping through the fields.

He's getting the snip if it makes you feel better, I know one person felt sorry for my kids and wanted them to rest assured there'll be no more. No family is perfect all the time, if it can't be rectified I'll leave. It'll be fine.

Thanks for your messages.

OP posts:
Mishmased · 01/01/2021 06:04

@OneNapForMeNoNapForYou i love your sense of humor 🤣🤣
As a fellow pregnantee I feel your pain as I have SPD and just do the bare minimum at home. DH has been in charge of the kids since before Christmas as I need to rest. You make sure you get the rest when you need to and ignore him.
My first stopped breastfeeding when I was seven months pregnant saying the milk had finished. He was nearly 2.5 so that might've made all the difference.

Valerievalerie · 01/01/2021 07:38

Can I be the first one to say “Cancel the nap “ 🤣