to think it's not that odd that my DDs have never been to a hairdresser ( age 10 and 13)

[NotaChocoholic]

spoke to a friend last night and we got taking about hairdressers and the lockdown and I confessed that I haven't been to a hairdresser in 14 years and neither have my DDs (10 and 13).

I got quite good over the years in cutting hair. One DD has severe ASD and would not be able to cope anyways so DIY is less stressful. My other DD and I have very curly hair and I do a lovely dry curly hair cut (much better than most hair dressers - fellow curlies will know what I mean).

My friend was aghast and thought professionally groomed hair is part of a 'proper' upbringing. She didn't know about me doing our hair (I must cut well if it's not that obvious). I always thought it's quite normal what I do. Fwiw, I couldn't afford it anyways (lone parents on carers allowance).

But Aibu?

I was a child in the 70s and my mom always cut our hair. Any photos of me as a child show me with a distinctly wonky fringe, but it seemed to be the norm those days. I'd say if you do a good job at home, then keep on doing it!

Sorry if I've mixed up the ages of your dd, I assumed which was which

I haven't been to one since 2013 and before that 2007, I just cut it myself. Me and DP have long hair so I cut his too. I cut the boys hair as I can use clippers and they always look cool so why would we need a hairdressers. One day they will go in a barbers and be fine, it's not exactly something they need to prepare for 🤔

My DD is 20 and has been to a hairdresser about 3 or 4 times. She has a huge amount of curly long hair and it really makes no difference for it to be styled by a hairdresser. She liked it when she went but now she's not bothered. I will try to persuade her to let me trim it this holiday but she's been refusing. She loves it long and it seems to have stopped growing.

My DS goes to the barber though. It costs £14.

I don't think you're being unreasonable, particularly if you can cut their hair. But I do think it fairly uncommon. I would be quite surprised by that.

Thats what I worried but I cannot afford it anyways so what should I do

I wouldn't worry. I had my hair cut at home until I was about 20 and never felt like I was missing out.

I think it’s unusual that your DDs have never been to a hairdresser because for the vast majority of children it’s a common experience, but your reasons are totally understandable. To spend ££ for your NT DD to have an inferior cut seems pointless when she’s happy with your work. She can still choose to go to the hairdressers when she’s older. You may be begging her to go if she starts staining your bathroom with home-dye jobs in a couple of years!

DD is NT and 9 and only has been to the hairdressers once. I trim her hair myself and she's happy with that. When I ask she never wants to go.

I rarely go too, about 4/5 times in the last 11 years?

I don't think it's that unusual.

@NotaChocoholic

The Zuni comment was bloody insensitive, but people who don't know, don't know...if you know what I mean

Continue as you are, your 'friend' is batshit...and she's not the only one!!

It's a haircut & you do it well, your DD isn't 'missing out' by not going to the hairdressers!

Even if you had money to burn, it's not something she needs to 'experience' it's a bloody haircut ffs. I'm sure she's had hot chocolate before 🙄

Carry on, as you are, doing brilliant hair cuts! Mine is naturally dead straight, so I can't cut it myself (well obviously I 'could' but it wouldn't be a great idea!) I have a hairdresser I see a couple of times a year since my mum lives 12,000 miles away now.

My daughter has never been to a hairdresser. She has no issues,- but I can do a good job myself. She had a bob when she was little, and now has long hair which is easy to do. I have seen plenty of girls with wonky fringes etc that professionals have done, so why would I waste the money? My son has had his hair cut by a pro, but he has been growing it long for quite a while, and I do it now.

You just need some proper hair scissors, combs and clips, and this bloke
www.youtube.com/user/TheSalonGuy

I would have loved to have my mum cut my hair, I’m NT and going to the hairdressers was always an experience I genuinely hated and at 33 I now cut and dye my own hair and haven’t set foot into a hairdresser since I was 18. Mobile hairdressers also work out really well for me, I have 2 who I’m ok with and get them to do special occasion cuts.

The romantic notion of “girls love hairdressers, the hot chocolate, the pampering” isn’t true for every girl! I’d probably give you NT daughter the option of going as she grows up and maybe wants to experiment with cuts and colours but there’s nothing wrong with cutting their hair yourself... think of the money you’ve saved!

I can’t remember the last time I went to a hairdressers. I have really curly hair it grows slowly and I can cut it myself. Most people I know with curly hair cut their own.

My almost 8 year old has never been. She is no racial so has very curly hair, and although has had her hair braided by a friend has never had to go to a hairdressers. She will start to go more as she gets older as she wants more braids and extensions. She’s not missed out, her hair is well taken care of.

Some people cannot picture a world of hair maintenance that doesn’t conform to the straight hair narrative. For example, I wash my hair once a week at most, and most of my straight hair friends cannot really comprehend that.

Some people cannot picture a world of hair maintenance that doesn’t conform to the straight hair narrative. For example, I wash my hair once a week at most, and most of my straight hair friends cannot really comprehend that.

You sound like me!

My kids don't "go to a hairdresser " either.

I have a lovely friend who's a qualified hair dresser and she comes to me. She's done their hair since both kids were toddlers. They don't want anyone else to do it. They know like and trust my friend and I dont have to pay salon prices for a trim and I get to catch up with my friend at the same time. I mean if you have to pay someone to do something might as well pay a friend .

Win all round.

Salaams are just expensive and many have got too big for their boots, more focus on being "posh" and an "experience " which usually involves being left hanging around fir ages and an occasional cup of tea and a tatty magazine and eeryone chatting amongst themselves while timers go off and get ignored....

I dropped going to high Street salaons too

Mum used to do mine. She would do me a fringe and mutter about evening it up. Used to terrify me that I would look like one of my butchered dolls* when she had finished!

• Cut one of their fringes and 'evened' it up so much the front half of their hair was a skinhead cut!!!

YANBU and your friend is ridiculous.

FFS, it is NOT part of a "proper upbringing" to have hair cut in a salon or wherever - it's what you do if you can afford it, and when you can't do it yourself.

I had several bad haircuts, which I had to live with the results of, and the one I had at 15 was bad enough that I didn't go again until I was 25. I still only go every 2 years or so now, and that's ONLY because I can't do it myself.

But then I also have wavy --> curly hair so can get away with it more than if I had dead straight hair.

My dc never went into a Barbers shop until they started senior school. Their grandmother cut their hair up until then she's a hairdresser.

If you can do it really well yourself why bother paying? You are meeting the needs of your ASD daughter really well by avoiding a stressful situation. I was happy to pay £40 for both my girls to have really good cuts at my regular salon because I don't trust myself to do it. My two are also 3 (with ASD) and 10. The older one can cope with the salon and has been going for about 5 years so feels comfortable there, but that's her. She has thick curls but I always let the salon know when booking and they book a stylist who is good with curls and DD who is extremely self conscious about her hair is always happy with it. Do what works for you. I'm envious of your hair cutting skills!

Nothing wrong with a skilled home cut.
Although I do think your younger daughter may feel like she's missing out.
If you can't spend the money of a full cut could you send her for hair wash and style after you've cut it so she gets the experience.

My DD is 15 and only been twice, once before school term and once as she was a bridesmaid
Her hair is long and straight and she likes to keep it long so occasionally I just do a very tiny trim myself.

Of course you don’t have to go to a hairdresser to have a proper upbringing. That’s ridiculous. If you can cut it at home, that’s great.

I totally get why you'd cut her hair yourself if it's curly, and also why you'd do it yourself if your other child has ASD. Sounds like a sensible solution.

Oldest is 13, not 3.

I think it's fine as long as you can do a decent cut. I teach a poor girl who has a mullet cut with blunt fringe. I'm sure her parents are trying their best, but it just looks awful. All her photos of early childhood will be utterly cringeworthy.

Oh I'll point out that the "trauma" experience when I was 15 was because the hairdresser clearly didn't comprehend that I had curly hair. It was washed by the trainee (normal), and then the hairdresser cut it WAAAAY too short on top, so it came out looking like a box cut once it was dry. It was awful, truly awful. My hair is so fine, there was nothing to weight the top short layers down :(

Hence not going again for 10 years. So no, not all experiences at salons are "wonderful", especially not for those with curly hair.