Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think it's not that odd that my DDs have never been to a hairdresser ( age 10 and 13)

225 replies

NotaChocoholic · 27/12/2020 09:58

spoke to a friend last night and we got taking about hairdressers and the lockdown and I confessed that I haven't been to a hairdresser in 14 years and neither have my DDs (10 and 13).

I got quite good over the years in cutting hair. One DD has severe ASD and would not be able to cope anyways so DIY is less stressful. My other DD and I have very curly hair and I do a lovely dry curly hair cut (much better than most hair dressers - fellow curlies will know what I mean).

My friend was aghast and thought professionally groomed hair is part of a 'proper' upbringing. She didn't know about me doing our hair (I must cut well if it's not that obvious). I always thought it's quite normal what I do. Fwiw, I couldn't afford it anyways (lone parents on carers allowance).

But Aibu?

OP posts:
sunnysidegold · 27/12/2020 10:03

I think it's brilliant that you can cut hair sufficiently well that no one has realised that the girls have home haircuts. Also, I can understand why you wouldn't want to put a child with ASD through the experience.

Some people are a bit entrenched in their ways and can't understand why someone would do something so different to themselves.

Original poster
NotaChocoholic · 27/12/2020 10:04

I thought so too and the curly haircut I give DD is amazing. We get actually asked from time to time in the street where we get our curly hair done. But my friend really left me thinking.

OP posts:
AuditAngel · 27/12/2020 10:05

My older DD has definitely been to a hairdresser once, not sure about the Younger one, but we have a family friend come to the house

ArseInTheCoOpWindow · 27/12/2020 10:06

I think the one without ASD is missing out.

My dd now 14 has always loved going to the hairdressers. The whole thing. Drinks of hot chocolate, hair washes, having it dried. It can be a really pleasurable experience.

Takemetothebar · 27/12/2020 10:07

I don’t think you are being unreasonable so I didn’t vote, but I don’t think it’s particularly common that your kids have never been to a hairdresser ever. I do think that’s unusual, but it’s your choice and hardly unreasonable.

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 27/12/2020 10:07

I think it’s weird not to cut hair for years abs years, but a good DIY cut is absolutely fine.

Cocopogo · 27/12/2020 10:08

Sounds like you are doing a great job doing it yourself.
However when you mentioned DC with ASD I did wonder if you should have desensitised to hairdressers at a younger (more manageable) age as a life skill to be able to get your hair cut more independently when older but there’s no right or wrong answer to this.

Tidypidy · 27/12/2020 10:08

I cut my dh and ds hair yesterday. Dd doesn't need a cut just now otherwise I'd do hers too! Saves us so much money and time.

wintersdawn · 27/12/2020 10:10

My DD is nearly 10 with ASD and she has only once been to a salon. It's a very close friends place and she did a massive favour for us by having us as the only one in. This was a year ago after I'd cut her hair for the rest of her life. She wouldn't let her wash it only spray it and once it was cut wouldn't let her dry it (as I expected the case would be but she was desperate to be like mummy and go to a salon).

End result I'll probably be cutting her hair for a lot longer Smile i only go as I don't trust anyone else to do it and can't do it myself. Wouldn't judge anyone for doing it themselves at all!

LoveMyKidsAndCats · 27/12/2020 10:10

I never had a haircut at a salon until I got to about 15 and started working in one on Saturdays. My aunt is a hairdresser so would always cut ours.

Original poster
NotaChocoholic · 27/12/2020 10:10

@ArseInTheCoOpWindow

I think the one without ASD is missing out.

My dd now 14 has always loved going to the hairdressers. The whole thing. Drinks of hot chocolate, hair washes, having it dried. It can be a really pleasurable experience.

Thats what I worried but I cannot afford it anyways so what should I do? also, we have a curly hairdresser nearby but she is £££ and even less affordable. Her hair is amazing and I wouldn't let a bog standard hairdresser who only does wet cuts touch it. I have my hair ruined a few times like that when I was younger.

Maybe I should cut some basics and save to to take curly DD just for the experience. will think about it.

OP posts:
Oblomov20 · 27/12/2020 10:11

I disagree. I don't think it's normal. And it's very hard for some children, like ASD children. But one of your parental duties is to get them ready, prepare them for such things. Which is a thing that is step-by-step possible to do with such a thing as haircuts. You probably won't be able to do it forever. When they are eventually able to move away? Go to uni? So they need to be slowly introduced. Eventually they realise it's not that bad.

Original poster
NotaChocoholic · 27/12/2020 10:12

I think it’s weird not to cut hair for years abs years, but a good DIY cut is absolutely fine.

we definitely go under the scissors regularly Smile

OP posts:
Original poster
NotaChocoholic · 27/12/2020 10:13

When they are eventually able to move away? Go to uni?

never. ASD + severe learning difficulties. Will never be independent and will need lifelong care.

OP posts:
yellowmaoampinball · 27/12/2020 10:14

It's only odd in that it's pretty unusual to be able to cut your own and your family's hair to a good standard I would have thought. I certainly wouldn't be able to do it. Good for you though, theres no point paying people to do something you are able to do well yourself.

LoveMyKidsAndCats · 27/12/2020 10:14

Don't waste money OP if you can do it perfectly well yourself. I'm a hairdresser, well used to be I only cut my kids and mums hair now. But why would I pay a barber to cut my kids hair when I can do it. Save your money atleast you will get what you want.

NoSquirrels · 27/12/2020 10:15

I think it’s very uncommon, because most people can’t cut hair well enough for home haircuts to be a viable alternative to going to a salon. I don’t particularly think they’ve missed out, but I think there is some value in having the experience- I actually find giving instructions to the hairdresser of what I want, and the different rituals in the salon and the need to make chitchat not particularly easy and I appreciate the ‘training’ of having gone earlier than a young adult. (That said, if they’re happy and you’re happy to keep doing it for as long as they want then it’s not much of an issue really!)

AfterSchoolWorry · 27/12/2020 10:16

My dd is 8 and has never been, her hair is down to her bum and I've only trimmed it 3 times.

My dh has long curly hair and I cut that too. I'd be interested to know about your method for the curly cut if you feel like sharing!

I bought a proper hairdressers scissors online not long ago.

ArseInTheCoOpWindow · 27/12/2020 10:16

My dd is a curly wirly. I just found a curly hairdresser. Not a special one, just one with curly hair.

It costs about £12-14 quid if that.

daisypond · 27/12/2020 10:19

I cut my DDs’ hair until they were adult. I did take them to a hairdresser once - for the experience. The cut was lopsided, and I thought I could do a better job myself. I still cut their hair now.

daisypond · 27/12/2020 10:21

I live in London, and getting a haircut costs a fortune. So that had something to do with it as well.

Original poster
NotaChocoholic · 27/12/2020 10:23

@ArseInTheCoOpWindow

My dd is a curly wirly. I just found a curly hairdresser. Not a special one, just one with curly hair.

It costs about £12-14 quid if that.

wow, the one I found take £60 for a dry cut. I don't think you would get a boy's buzz cut round here for £12.
OP posts:
Carolines100 · 27/12/2020 10:23

Would you friend have found it strange if you have had an home hairdresser rather then you doing it yourself?
I can’t afford the salon experience regularly for myself so my daughter hasn’t had it either (she 8). I do think that as a teen I will probably treat her occasionally but having a home hair dresser do a quick trim isn’t really any different to you doing it yourself as long as it’s a reasonable standard (which is must be if it wasn’t obvious).

MysweetAudrina · 27/12/2020 10:23

My dd12 goes to the hairdresser for a wash, cut and blow dry, maybe 3-4 times a year. In between she goes to barber as she has an undercut and barbers do it better.

SuperrHann · 27/12/2020 10:24

I didn't go to a hairdressers salon until I was an adult. As kids, my mum had many friends who were hairdressers who would cut our hair at home. I now go to the hairdresser probably once a year for a hair cut, and DIY the rest of the year (I change my hair colour regularly, and have recently started getting DH to cut as a result of lockdown).

I don't like the whole rigmarole of the hairdressers and the small talk etc so do not feel like I missed out. And it is expensive!