to think it's not that odd that my DDs have never been to a hairdresser ( age 10 and 13)

[NotaChocoholic]

spoke to a friend last night and we got taking about hairdressers and the lockdown and I confessed that I haven't been to a hairdresser in 14 years and neither have my DDs (10 and 13).

I got quite good over the years in cutting hair. One DD has severe ASD and would not be able to cope anyways so DIY is less stressful. My other DD and I have very curly hair and I do a lovely dry curly hair cut (much better than most hair dressers - fellow curlies will know what I mean).

My friend was aghast and thought professionally groomed hair is part of a 'proper' upbringing. She didn't know about me doing our hair (I must cut well if it's not that obvious). I always thought it's quite normal what I do. Fwiw, I couldn't afford it anyways (lone parents on carers allowance).

But Aibu?

Nothing odd about it. If you can trim their hair I can't see any reason to spend money on what might be a stressful experience. Also, I ( nor my 3 DC) have never been offered hot chocolate at a hair dresser.

I self cut mine and my dds but both have long hair so it's not hard to cut It in a line, no one on earth would know the difference!

However, I do also agree with the pp who said its a nice experience and mine have been a few times for that really.
We have a special event coming up in the summer fingers 🤞, and I will take her before to get a style...

But otherwise, for long ish straight hair it's a waste of money and certainly not every 6 weeks.

Mine have been about 3 times each. And didn't like it so ask me to cut their hair. As does their dad. They are 16 and 20.

I’m almost 30 and have never been to a hairdresser! My mum cut our hair when we were kids and now I do it myself and do my own kids hair myself too.

I think it’s great that you can do good haircuts for your children. Don’t listen to your friend - if really is none of her business. Some people think the way they do everything is the best and only ‘right’ way.

By the way, a family member with no professional training has been cutting my hair for years - I’m very grateful.

It's unusual but if you're able to cut their hair well and one has ASD then it really isn't that odd. My local hairdressers does children's cuts for £10 or £8 at the barber for DS so not a huge expense (and if I attempted I'd make them look like they'd done it themselves).

Yanbu.
Since lockdown I've discovered how easy trimming long hair is. DD is much less stressed because she knows I'm only going to take a little bit off.

@AfterSchoolWorry

My dd is 8 and has never been, her hair is down to her bum and I've only trimmed it 3 times.

My dh has long curly hair and I cut that too. I'd be interested to know about your method for the curly cut if you feel like sharing!

I bought a proper hairdressers scissors online not long ago.

Just google 'diy Deva cut'. loads of videos on YouTube.

Deva cut is a special curly cut where curls are cur dry and curl by curl. You cannot really mess it up!

Mine are 10 years old and have never been. I cut everyone in the houses hair, including my husband! Didn't realise it was weird. My dad used to cut our whole family's hair in the 80s.

I don't think its odd at all. My daughter also has severe ASD and I cut her hair, shes only had it cut at the hairdressers about 4 times and she's now 11. And this past year I've trimmed my own hair a few times too.

Lots of people here who don’t have a bloody clue what having children with severe ASD is like. For example, this:
However when you mentioned DC with ASD I did wonder if you should have desensitised to hairdressers at a younger (more manageable) age as a life skill to be able to get your hair cut more independently when older but there’s no right or wrong answer to this.

My autistic twins are 4, non verbal, don’t understand words, can’t be reassured. It’s most definitely not easier to do it when younger.

We’ve found a mobile hairdresser who comes to the house to cut their hair - no way could we take them into a hairdressers. If I could it myself I would!

I didn’t go to an actual hairdressers until I was about 14, my mum did my hair until then, or she had a friend who was a hairdresser and would come round to do hers and mine. I don’t think it’s that unusual?

My mum always used to cut my hair and my sister's hair when we were growing up. I never felt that I missed out.

I took dd to the hairdresser's from when she was a toddler but only because I didn't have the confidence to do it myself. I'd have cut her hair if I could have been sure that I was going to do a good job (which you clearly are).

I have had my hair cut in a year and a half. Dd2 13 has never been to the hair dressers. I always cut her hair and no ones ever noticed. It always looks nice.

Dd1 has been a couple of times and a friend who is a hairdresser cut and coloured her hair a couple of weeks ago as part of her Christmas present.

So to me it seems completely normal that you would cut yours and your dds hair. I might even have a go at doing my own.

Lots of people here who don’t have a bloody clue what having children with severe ASD is like.

agreed. Or the actually rather upsetting comment re what DD will do once at uni. Yes, because all those with ASD are high functioning, manage an academic education and those on the low functioning end who will need lifelong care don't exist. DD is a bit older so I have a slightly thicker skin. but its still upsetting at times.

At least DD has a good haircut!

Forget what your friend said. I'd you can do a decent cut then I want lessons for doing my daughter's hair!

I love going to salons but haven't been for years. One friend had been doing my hair fur the last wee while - she'd always wanted to have a go and I'm really not fussed with his I look so I let her try a couple of years ago and she's done it ever since. For free. Bargain!

I think it's understandable given the circumstances, and great that you are able to cut their hair so well. But I would consider it unusual for kids not to have had a haircut in the hairdresser's.

But your 'friend' is talking shite and should be ignored.

If everyone's happy I think crack on! DP and I stopped going last year as neither of us has a particularly elaborate cut (him clippers, me blunt) but found we were spending hours having it done and paying a substantial amount. Maybe check in with older DD to see that she doesn't feel she's missing anything (tricky age with girls where that kind of thing can be a bit competitive) and if she does, look at getting it or something similar (small pamper treatment?) done every so often.

My two dds have been to a hairdresser a couple of times but only as very young children, maybe about 4/5ish. They are now the same age as OPs and I cut their hair. My eldest has also started experimenting with trimming her own. They both have the boring long, straight haircuts that girls seem to go for these days and a haircut is literally trimming the ends. My youngest has hair down to her bottom and wants it to grow as long as possible so puts up with a regular trim from me as long as I take hardly any off so I just trim the very ends - takes less than a minute.
I've suggested going to a hairdresser many times but they are not interested. My DS has his hair cut every 6-8 weeks!

I don't think it's odd. My DS has been to a hairdresser once when he was about 9 months old. He's 5 now and also ASD. We've tried hairdressers over the years but it's so stressful and distressing for him, one cut his neck and that was it. He wont go near one now and cant imagine him ever wanting to again even if he is independent enough. I scissor cut it myself as he hates clippers and doesn't like it too short. He can sit on the floor, stand at the window, watch tv, play with his tablet, have his ear defenders on, eat a biscuit. Whatever makes him happy enough to let me trim it. Even the more specialist hairdressers round here weren't very accommodating for him.

You sound like you're doing a cracking job OP.

My eldest has asd, I waited until she was ready -at aged 17, before she had her hair cut professionally

Desensitising (traumatising) for something that is not essential is not part of my parenting plan (OP you know that's not aimed at you, you sound like you are doing a grand job )

My curly haired daughter has been to the hairdressers, been promised they understood curly hair, and then had it butchered more than once

She now trims her own and then I give it a good cut every so often

Your daughter is not missing out and if going for a pamper is something that she's excited by then you can always take her to get her nails done -much easier to sort if she doesn't like them than a bad curly cut

I did this also and my teens are only just starting to get proper hair cuts. Think of all the cash you’ve saved. Brilliant. Why pay for something when you can do it yourself. Same for home grown veg, solar panels, nails.

I’m sure the child with asd has exposure to lots of other things in in the community. Doctors appointments, dentists.

My DD has only had a haircut about 3 times at a hairdresser, apart from that I just trim it myself.

I took her one time and another hairdresser came over and made a rather nasty comment about the way her wispy hair at the front was growing (she was one of those 'tell it to you straight hairdressers' who think that telling you your hair looks like shit is a sure fire way to ensure repeat custom ) and after that I just didn't bother taking her again, I just do it myself and it looks fine.

@ArseInTheCoOpWindow

I think the one without ASD is missing out.

My dd now 14 has always loved going to the hairdressers. The whole thing. Drinks of hot chocolate, hair washes, having it dried. It can be a really pleasurable experience.

I disagree.

I never went to the hairdresser until I had left home. I haven’t missed out. To start with, finding someone who will cut my hair the way I’m asking is hard enough. And I don’t have curly hair!

My DD is autistic too and she didn't go to a salon until she was 9 and then it was one that was close and friendly. We now have a lady who is the only person working from her salon and she understands neurodiversity, having a son with adhd. She was also great with my little one who's exuberant. All said, I had to cut my eldest myself for years and now she only has as trim once or twice a year, no washing, dry cut, done. It took word of mouth to find our hairdresser though.

Missing out on the sensory nightmare of a normal salon experience is a gift to your eldest, OP. Maybe youngest would enjoy it but you've done nothing wrong and everything right for your family!

My DD is 14 and has very long straight hair (hip length) . She has never been to a hairdresser, although a relative has trimmed her hair maybe 4 or 5 times in her life.
I have fairly long (elbow length hair) and have it cut professionally about once a year. DH cuts his own hair with clippers and I take DS to the barbers.
I think (in non covid times) my DD would enjoy the experience of a salon but it wouldnt be a particularly regular thing due to cost. (Around £50)