Is this creepy or am I over reacting?

[HallionRapscallion]

DH and I were watching notes on a scandal a few nights ago. We were chatting about age gap relationships and I had mentioned how I could never see an 18 year old as anything but a child and I thought it's weird when older men/women are into 18/19 year olds (for context I'm 35 and DH is 40). He disagreed and said 18 year olds are adults and that most men in their 30s/40s (if single and had the opportunity) would definitely sleep with an 18 year old. To say I was not amused was putting it lightly. Still feel a bit weirded out by it all but don't know whether I'm justified or a boring old prude. He thinks I'm being very naive and that may be true but I genuinely do find it so distasteful.

I'm younger than both of you and the thought of sleeping with an 18 year old makes me feel physically sick. I'm with you.

He's right, they are adults and it's their own business who they sleep with. As long as it's mutual and no one is being forced or coerced of course.

I think my sister who is 55 and her husband who is 70 would be pretty upset if someone described their 39yr marriage as 'distasteful'.

To me an 18 year old is still a child. Men to me (as someone in my mid thirties) don’t become attractive until they are about 30.

@nokidshere

He's right, they are adults and it's their own business who they sleep with. As long as it's mutual and no one is being forced or coerced of course.

I think my sister who is 55 and her husband who is 70 would be pretty upset if someone described their 39yr marriage as 'distasteful'.

OP I think the icky part is the way he said that most men if given the opportunity would sleep with an 18 year old- it makes it seem like it’s not an individual decision based on meeting something, getting along, being attracted to and eventually entering into a relationship with someone who happens to be 18. It makes it seem more like it’s a coup to manage to shag an 18 year and brag to their mates like “waheyy get in there”.

Sorry @nokidshere I didn’t mean to quite you in my reply to the OP

Quote!! Not quite 🤦🏼‍♀️

I would find that weird like pp said, the way he worded it. Especially whilst talking to his wife! If he’s generally sensible and morally sound I wouldn’t think too much of it.

I think there is a difference between an18 year age gap and sleeping with an 18 year old when you're in your late forties or fifties...

I’m 40 and cannot get my head around sex with an 18 yo boy. God no. Very creepy.

I find it weird. 18 year olds look like children to me. I'm 33 and female. I know my daughter's dad would not be interested in anyone that young either - and I don't think he's a great guy in the slightest, so I'm not trying to make him sound good or viewing through rose tinted glasses! There are probably some exceptions but in general, no.

He’s just being honest, which I like personally.

I think most men do find young women attractive, tis just nature. Doesn’t mean they all would act on it, or that they don’t know the young women in question mostly wouldn’t touch them with a barge poll.

18yo me preferred guys 10 years older than me, but anything 15 yo older was a total no it would have been like doing it with my best mates df - urgh !

Sadly i think he is right, most middle aged men would shag an 18 year old if they could. But then lots of men are scumbags. As far as i am concerned women of this age are just out of childhood and the last thing they need is auld fellas panting after them. Gross.

A way to look at it is as proportion of age. Ask him if he would feel the same about someone twice his age? Ask what the young woman would think about someone half her age? It does seem a bit strange, like an old Benny Hill chase.

@nokidshere, have I read that right, your 16yr old sister married a 31yr old man!

@nokidshere

He's right, they are adults and it's their own business who they sleep with. As long as it's mutual and no one is being forced or coerced of course.

I think my sister who is 55 and her husband who is 70 would be pretty upset if someone described their 39yr marriage as 'distasteful'.

If she was 16 and he was 29 then yes that's very creepy no matter how long the marriage has lasted.

Me and DH had a similar conversation talking about men in general and he reckoned something similar. I can’t imagine finding an 18 year old attractive but judging by the age difference relationships I see a lot of men end up with younger women

Thing is, you can focus on the legality or you can actually consider what is right. It suits many people just just focus on the fact that it's legal.

Just because you can doesn't mean you should.

It speaks VOLUMES about a man who will date/target an 18yr old if they're over 26 or so. Says exactly how they see women.

This is the problem with "legal" adult age versus the funny developed brain, versus maturity. This is also historically highlighted in the different qualities we sought in our partners, childbearing versus provider. Historically for us, and still to this day for others, it was/is acceptable to marry off young girls. This distaste comes from developing an understanding about the brain development and maturity. Of curse a 39 year marriage sounds great, but a child and an adult is not. I'm with you op.

I know of one couple where she was about 33 and he was about 18 when they met and they have had a long and happy marriage, she is now in her late 60's, he's in his early 50's. They are my friends mum and step dad, (friend is mid forties so he is actually nearer to her age than her mum's). She loves them both dearly and all are very happy.

So whilst I think it can sometimes work, this is definitely the exception not the norm. I think in most circumstances it's a bit and rather icky. Not on the part of the 18 year old, as pp stated above, they are adults and can do what they like, but I do wonder what the older person thinks an 18 year old sees in them.

I agree that most men probably would. I personally could not even think of sleeping with an 18 year old boy (my own boys aren’t quite that old but I would still see myself as a mother figure to anyone in roughly that age group).

Oh god, you are asking on the wrong site as you are not going to get proper answers, women wouldn’t generally but YES MOST men would sleep with an 18 year old, don’t be so naive to believe they wouldn’t and the ones that claim they wouldn’t are lying.

No way. I'm late 30's - 18 yr olds are kids! My DH days he doesn't really find anyone much younger than late 20's attractive any more because it feels weird - so about 10 yrs younger than us. I am the same in terms of younger men (although I've always preferred older men to be honest!). And yes, I definitely believe him before anyone asks. It is by no means all men who think like your DH.

He's right but I think it's gross.

Yanbu, it’s foul. I’m 33 and can’t even imagine viewing an 18 year old as a legitimate prospect when it comes to sex. They’re children in my eyes, whatever their legal status, and I think it’s creepy AF when older people think it’s appropriate to have relationships with them.