Is this creepy or am I over reacting?

[HallionRapscallion]

DH and I were watching notes on a scandal a few nights ago. We were chatting about age gap relationships and I had mentioned how I could never see an 18 year old as anything but a child and I thought it's weird when older men/women are into 18/19 year olds (for context I'm 35 and DH is 40). He disagreed and said 18 year olds are adults and that most men in their 30s/40s (if single and had the opportunity) would definitely sleep with an 18 year old. To say I was not amused was putting it lightly. Still feel a bit weirded out by it all but don't know whether I'm justified or a boring old prude. He thinks I'm being very naive and that may be true but I genuinely do find it so distasteful.

It's actually quite sad and offensive. My DH and I are one of the strongest couples I know. We're a solid team and put eachother first.
Some members of my family were against it at first but luckily they got over it after a couple of years. I don't even notice our age gap most of the time, but this thread is full of people saying its gross and I didn't know what I was doing.

I was working in a nightclub when I met him. He was the only man that didn't undress me with his eyes (or actually attempt to), ask me how much for a blowjob, try and force me to sit on his knee or dance with him or drink with him. So I think I found a damn decent man. Our ages are just a coincidence.

It was quite normal years ago. If you think about it, when debutantes were a thing, they were 'presented' from age 17 and courted by older men - not always vastly older but ten or fifteen years was considered nothing.

I'm 70 and when I was a teenager I knew girls who were going out with guys five, six, seven years older and often married them when they were 18 or 19. The guys were often very respectful actually (I never met an older guy who was respectful, quite the opposite :-), but there you go).

Times change. If I had a teenage daughter I wouldn't be keen on her going out with a thirty five year old but once they are eighteen, there's nothing you can do about it.

It all depends on the individual.

Those with much older men (or who know people who are), are they near your father's age or was your father an older parent?

An 18 year old boy or girl could look way older BUT imo you can tell a mile off as soon as they speak, or just looking at them irl. I think 18 is still very young and it would not do anything for me. But men are a whole different kettle of fish aren't they.

@sendhelp30 my mother let me move in with a 36 year old man when I was only 15, because she'd got a new boyfriend and it suited for me to be out the way.

@sendhelp30 my mother let me move in with a 36 year old man when I was only 15, because she'd got a new boyfriend and it suited for me to be out the way.

No way I'd feel like a paedophile.

Ewwww. I think this is deeply creepy and I know for a fact my DH would agree with me.

[quote EdwardCullensBiteOnTheSide]@sendhelp30 my mother let me move in with a 36 year old man when I was only 15, because she'd got a new boyfriend and it suited for me to be out the way. [/quote]
That is gross. How do you feel about your mum now and did your relationship last for any length of time? When I was fifteen I had men in their thirties perving over me, in reality I'd have liked an ordinary sort of boyfriend/girlfriend relationship.

In my twenties I married someone six months older than me.

One of the interesting things about ageing has been seeing my taste in men change.
I have an adult DS, he and his friends just seem so young that it would be as creepy as anything to hit on someone their age. It would also feel like there's a power imbalance, an inequality that would male me feel disgusted with myself.

My 18 year old Dad married my 30 year old Mum 40 years ago, I think it completely depends on the individuals involved.

@kowari my dad is just over 2 years older than my husband, my mum is 1.5 years older. He's nothing like my dad at all, dont look alike, dont act alike. My stepmum can vouch for this I thought he was a lot younger than he was, he thought I was a lot older.

My 18 year old Dad married my 30 year old Mum

How unusual. Are/were they together long? Were they stigmatised in any way?

I think it’s different for men and women, I’ve had the same discussion with blokes and they like younger girls coz they’re easier to get to do stuff (gross I know), women are more complicated so we need someone with a bit of experience ahaha.

My mum was 19 (just a few days off 20) and my dad (a widower) was 39 when they married.

They were very very happy until his death at 84.

19 was properly grown up in the early 1950s though. And my dad was a very quiet and moral man, thoroughly approved of by my DM's parents.
I'm also in no doubt that my mum did the running. She pretty much told me so.

Sorry to stress some of you out. 🙄 They were together when she was 16 but married when she was 19.

Mum sent the police round to his house but they said they were happy she was with him of her own violation and they didn't need to do anything. They've been together happily since then.

@1992serpent They are still together and I can't imagine that changing. I think there were some doubts in the family at the time, but they all got used to it. It was in very different times though. Mum still looks younger than Dad even now!

Ooops. Reported my own post as I misread the genders there!

@grassisjeweled

Not many women find very young men attractive. But many men find very young women attractive.

And it's most of them. Despite what they may say about it being gross, those comments are not what many of them are really thinking. The surveys I recall seeing previously show that when men are able to answer anonymously, the majority do feel entitled to shag young women.

I've lost count of the numbers of men who were happy to proposition me when I was a teen. Many of them were vocal about being happily married.

@Vitaminsss Not sure that was her sole role 40 years ago, it wasn't quite like that for everyone then. She supported him through uni and they've both always worked.

don’t be so naive to believe they wouldn’t and the ones that claim they wouldn’t are lying.

What an horrific view to have of men.

I've lost count of the numbers of men who were happy to proposition me when I was a teen.

And how many didn’t?

Gross. Our brains don’t stop developing until we reach about 25 so 18 yo is definitely kiddish still. Your DH is revolting and not far removed from a paedo.

Definitely not all men. All the men I've met online who are in their 30s, have a lower limit of 26/27 on their age range. Almost every man I know doesn't look at the under 20s once he's past university, only if he's early-mid 20s. It's obviously a certain type of man who likes very young women.

I would be very very grossed out by anyone over 30 who thought it acceptable to date someone under 21. It's not the age difference, it's the fact that someone under 21 is just about out of their teenage years.