Is this creepy or am I over reacting?

[HallionRapscallion]

DH and I were watching notes on a scandal a few nights ago. We were chatting about age gap relationships and I had mentioned how I could never see an 18 year old as anything but a child and I thought it's weird when older men/women are into 18/19 year olds (for context I'm 35 and DH is 40). He disagreed and said 18 year olds are adults and that most men in their 30s/40s (if single and had the opportunity) would definitely sleep with an 18 year old. To say I was not amused was putting it lightly. Still feel a bit weirded out by it all but don't know whether I'm justified or a boring old prude. He thinks I'm being very naive and that may be true but I genuinely do find it so distasteful.

Nokid..if you were alive then..you were ok with that? Your sister was a baby :(

Half your age plus seven... I think that was the formula for "is it creepy or not".

I'd agree OP that it would bother me. DH and I work at universities and agree that the older we get, the more the students look like children.

@Givemeabreak88

Oh god, you are asking on the wrong site as you are not going to get proper answers, women wouldn’t generally but YES MOST men would sleep with an 18 year old, don’t be so naive to believe they wouldn’t and the ones that claim they wouldn’t are lying.

I move in a different circle to you! We're all pretty middle of the road in my circle, I don't know how to describe it but the men are feminists and emotionally literate and the women are capable. None of them would want to date a child.

@nokidshere

He's right, they are adults and it's their own business who they sleep with. As long as it's mutual and no one is being forced or coerced of course.

I think my sister who is 55 and her husband who is 70 would be pretty upset if someone described their 39yr marriage as 'distasteful'.

So a 31 year old man married a 16 year old girl!! Whilst a 15 year age gap may not be much when your 55 and 70 it's pretty bloody grim when you consider a girl of 16 and man of 31. Struggling to believe they met, dated, planned, organised and married when she was 16. No way I would allow my 16 yo CHILD to date a grown man let alone marry him.

They probably just wouldn’t admit it to you, and it doesn’t matter how much you say it, 18 isn’t a child and won’t make it true.

@alltoomuchrightnow

Nokid..if you were alive then..you were ok with that? Your sister was a baby :(

Exactly my point made above. Totally unacceptable.

This is something that has come up in surveys.

Women will generally tend to fancy men who are around their own age, so the age of the blokes fancied will rise as a woman ages.

Whereas, men will generally fancy young women around 18-20 regardless of their own age. And often feel entitled to dating the young women regardless of the wishes of those women.

Right now, I'm 52 and wouldn't be interested in a bloke younger than about 45, and more likely to look for someone about my own age.

I think my sister who is 55 and her husband who is 70 would be pretty upset if someone described their 39yr marriage as 'distasteful'.

I'm someone who ended up in a 30 year relationship with an abuser I met when I was 18, and he was 26, the age gap at that time was significant and I was definitely groomed.

So yes, I'd worry that someone who gets into a relationship with a man who is almost double her age (of 16) when they met is also likely to have been groomed.

And that kind of age gap at the start of the relationship can result, as with me, in an imbalance of power in the relationship. So here, I think the sister may just be lucky.

I don't doubt that some men lie, but even as a supposedly man-hating-feminist, I think its wrong to assume that all men are identical in something like that - everyone has their own preferences.

Maybe it makes a difference if you work with them too, because good god, they are young. They really do seem like children.

It would make a lot of sense though biologically for a man to find late teens attractive due to fecundity. Doesnt mean that they would have a happy and loving relationship though. We are more than what our gametes want us to do, but in the end, the 18 year old is fully grown and mature and they are/we were pretty at that age so...

the men are feminists and emotionally literate and the women are capable. None of them would want to date a child

That's what they tell you, but you don't know what they are really thinking.

I cant not imagine finding an 18 year old attractive

But I do believe the vast majority of men find very young women attractive no matter what age they are

Dh is 41 and would never look at the 18 year olds he TEACHES as sexual partners

Told him about this thread and he's proper DISGUSTED

He says they're way too close to children and says none of his friends think like this

The rule is half your age plus 7 years

@nokidshere

He's right, they are adults and it's their own business who they sleep with. As long as it's mutual and no one is being forced or coerced of course.

I think my sister who is 55 and her husband who is 70 would be pretty upset if someone described their 39yr marriage as 'distasteful'.

They must have been upset quite a lot then because many people would find that distasteful. She got married at 16 so presumably at 14 / 15 she was dating a man in his late 20s early 30s. The age gap doesn’t matter so much now, but it did back then when she was a teenager, which is what the OP was about.

I think your husband is right. A mature 18 year who knows their own mind is not a child they are a young adult. I don't think many older men would actually live with or marry an 18 year old but have sex with them, yes.

Yes come on; the number of incidents with husbands or partners and babysitters, chalet girls, au pairs, students, even your daughters friends would tell you that this is true.

Anyone have their friends dad’s be a little lecherous at this age? I did, more than once. All “nice” men too!

We not talking about relationships as most older men probably wouldn’t want to have a relationship with them we are talking about sleeping with

Eeewwww no, that's creepy. An 18 year old is a child to me (I'm late 30s), I couldn't even begin to imagine myself as anything but a mothering figure / big sister / caring aunt to them. It's exploitative, they're so young.

A lot of men are creeps, but happily not all. I used to work with a man in his late 60s who had daughters in their 40s and we became quite good friends. He said that he could never find any woman more than 10-15 years younger than him attractive, because they would be his daughters age and it would feel very creepy and wrong.

Got to say hurts like hell to see people judging age gaps like this.

I was 19, already had DC when I met my DP (who was 32). I wasn’t your drinking clubbing silly little teenager. I’d been living on my own since 16, taking care of myself, working and making a home and a life. I was an adult, perhaps a bit young but mature as hell for my age. When I first met DP he thought I was 10 years older. Age gap wasn’t an issue for us, I didn’t have “daddy issues”, I wasn’t out for money and he wasn’t out to shag a child.

Judgemental silly people abound it seems.

He’s right but I think it’s icky too.

I’m always a bit wary of older men who always go for very young women, not saying that it’s always nefarious and I know there can be great relationships with those age gaps - but when men in their 30s solely pursue women in their late teens/early 20s I think they can sometimes want to take advantage of their lack of experience.

Of course most men would fancy an 18-year-old, why wouldn't they! You do sound very prim.
Women are less inclined to fancy gangly youths because they've been there and it's all a bit wham-bam.

I think they can sometimes want to take advantage of their lack of experience

I disagree. I think they just find them most sexually attractive I'm that age range.

@nokidshere

He's right, they are adults and it's their own business who they sleep with. As long as it's mutual and no one is being forced or coerced of course.

I think my sister who is 55 and her husband who is 70 would be pretty upset if someone described their 39yr marriage as 'distasteful'.

A 31 year old man married a 16 year old? That doesn't sit right with me

I don’t think it’s universal and a lot of people do find it icky; one friend who finally settled down with a woman ten years younger after years of dating very young women cannot shift the nickname “paedo”. Not accurate, but a judgment on his taste, which looked worse year on year as he got older. People do comment on it, but reasonably, not to your face.

More than a 15 year gap and I would see them as young enough to be my child, likewise 15, or at the most 20, years older as a parent. I am 37 with a 14 year old DS, I couldn't imagine bringing home an 18 year old!

Men are just weird and honest like that.

I can't get it myself. I'm 30 and think anything below about 23/4 is a child!