Is this creepy or am I over reacting?

[HallionRapscallion]

DH and I were watching notes on a scandal a few nights ago. We were chatting about age gap relationships and I had mentioned how I could never see an 18 year old as anything but a child and I thought it's weird when older men/women are into 18/19 year olds (for context I'm 35 and DH is 40). He disagreed and said 18 year olds are adults and that most men in their 30s/40s (if single and had the opportunity) would definitely sleep with an 18 year old. To say I was not amused was putting it lightly. Still feel a bit weirded out by it all but don't know whether I'm justified or a boring old prude. He thinks I'm being very naive and that may be true but I genuinely do find it so distasteful.

Maturity means fuck all when you have little life experience. I know I would have hated anyone saying that to me when I was 16ish, but it's true - even in these past few years of living independently from family, my desire to date older men has completely gone out the window because I realise how disgusting it is (now looking back on myself when I was a schoolgirl).

Sure, it's possible to have life experience as a teenager but you'd had to have come from really tough circumstances in which case middle-aged men should not be approaching you for that reason alone.

Well, my mum was 20 when she married my dad who was 35. They have not long celebrated their golden wedding anniversary and have had a very happy marriage. Some people just go together.

That said, I do think 18-20 year olds are quite immature these days (I don't mean that in a derogatory way, it's just the way that society is nowadays, they have a long childhood). Back in the 70s most were at work and a lot of women got married by their early early 20s anyway. Now many are at uni or having to live with parents way past that age.

That said, I do think that a 20 year age gap is too much.

I think that until men are fathers and see how immature most 18 yr old are (male or female) they don’t realize the potential damage.

Women find it creepier, because we remember how creepy it was when older men tried it on when we were teens.

This reminds me of an ancient episode of Cold Feet.

Tbh I think most Hetero men have never been “sexually vulnerable”, for want of a better term. Gay men could relate to this thread as they have probably experienced the same creepiness from old men.

I think your husband is pretty accurately and honestly summing up how most men feel, however much we may not like it.

I dont agree with dirty old men letching constantly, but I had a muchhhh older boyfriend from the age of 18 and it wasnt horrible, he was a nice guy. Would i do it again if i had my time over? Probably, though i would have cut the relationship shorter perhaps. Had my fun, moved on and not seen it as a big romance.

I work with a lot of people who are aged between 18 and 21. They are just kids, even the most mature of them. The thought of sleeping with one of them makes me feel wrong inside.

I think your husband is pretty accurately and honestly summing up how most men feel, however much we may not like it

Unfortunately I agree.

My dp is very creeped out by guys our age who are into 18 year olds. However, I think this is because we have two daughters and he hates the thought of guys doing it to them!

I do agree there are loads of men out there who would do it though.

Well that’s the thing most men are creeped out when the think about older men with their daughters

Unfortunately not many apply this creeped out/it’s wrong notion to other young women

I think he's right. An awful lot of men would do it, but I agree with you, its pretty grim as far as I'm concerned.

Perhaps most men are a bit more black and white than most women; 18 = legal adult = fine. I wouldn't personally but each to their own.

Its creepy, I think I would be a little bit put off my other half if he said this.

@nokidshere

He's right, they are adults and it's their own business who they sleep with. As long as it's mutual and no one is being forced or coerced of course.

I think my sister who is 55 and her husband who is 70 would be pretty upset if someone described their 39yr marriage as 'distasteful'.

A sixteen year old can't get married without parental consent, so you must be saying that your parents were either a) weird (like cultish fundamentalists, say), or b) completely uncaring. Have I got that right, @nokidshere?

Wanting to get married at 16 strikes me as a kid who wants to escape their homelife and set up a fantasy replacement in which they are nurtured and taken care of, hence choosing a semi-parental figure.

I'd certainly be concerned about the motives of the 31 year-old. As they are together thirty years later, and happily so, I'd say your sister was exceptionally lucky.

Through work I've done in the past, I've seen too many young women still in their teens being abused and exploited by older men. It's heart-breaking because you know how tragically inadequate their home life has been, and they are generally treated really badly by these men. To make it worse, the girls themselves often believe that they have the upper hand because of the 'power' of their sexuality.

I can't say that I always understand the motivations of the men concerned, but it seldom involves wanting to pursue a relationship of equals.

TL;DR - @HallionRapscallion, yes it is definitely creepy. Yet on threads like this you will always see posters with anecdotes of massive age-gap relationships they swear blind are solid, caring and mutually fulfilling.

A sixteen year old can't get married without parental consent,

Except in Scotland!

To be fair, I think many men would shag anything with a pulse, regardless of age.

I think many men would shag anything with a pulse, regardless of age

Nope, the majority would go for 16-24 I think. Do you honestly think a man would sleep with a 90 year old woman?

i know someone wh was 16 met then married a 31 year old-hes a controlling tosser but you know we're all wrong and its true love

I have friends who got together when she was 16, he was 27. Married at 18/29. Not a problem to them 30 years later.

I forgot to add this to my pp short novel...the young girls in the Asian country aren't really in for a one night stand with a foreigner...they are mostly looking for a better living situation and are sending money home to help support their families. And Dirty Old Friend is also looking for a relationship. He's moved to that country to do just that.
Also worth a mention that he's had 4 different wives and sired 6 children as the wives were young enough when he married them to want children..
He gets the All Time Achievement Award for Being The World's Worst Father in the History of Fatherhood ( what a surprise!)
Ha! And if you met him and didn't know his background you'd think he was the kindest grandfatherly type gentleman you'd ever met.
Omg, though...when seeing him after a while and greeting with a hug, he always tries to kiss me on my lips..ptewy!

when I was 18 (and younger) a lot of men in their 30s and probably 40s tried it on. I did sleep with a 36 year old when I was 19. It was a drunk thing. I'm 37 now and see 18 year olds as kids. Men are gross.

oh, I also got barred from the local bowling alley when I was 15 for writing 'PAEDOS' on the glass (and being drunk) as the 36ish year old manager was chatting up my 15 year old mate. He'd just finished with another 15 year old who he then went on to get pregnant when she was 16.

I'm 30 and wouldn't sleep with anyone under 25 and even then, they'd have to be someone I really really liked to get me past the age gap.

I cannot believe your parents allowed your sister aged 16 to marry a 31 year old. That’s disgusting, sorry. @nokidshere