To think I’ve ruined my son’s life/relationship with me?

[Annoy]

My son is 11. When he was 6 I smacked him. Yes I’m awful, yes I regretted it as soon as I did it and yes I showered him with love and apologised to him. I was stressed, alone and overwhelmed (no excuse I know)

Since then (and before then) I have never laid a finger on him and although I do tell him off if need be I have rarely shouted at him.

Well yesterday he told me that he remembered when I smacked him as we drove past the area where it happened (near our village, we were in the car). I asked him how he felt at the time and he said scared and sad! He’s never mentioned it before and now I realise that I’ve scarred the boy for life!!

He’s taller than me now, and stronger and it makes me shudder at the thought of him being half my size and scared of me!

I have said yabu because you’re being melodramatic. You haven’t scarred him for life or ruined it for that matter. Why on earth do you think you have?

Because he brought it up after years. It’s obviously had an effect on him

That is a bit melodramatic!

He has remembered the incident because it was a one off. It doesn't negate all the affectiom and love you have shown him the rest of his life.
If people became 'scarred for life' from one incident like this then we would all be quivering messes.
And you are bound to fight again, verbally, at some point, if not frequently (as a mother of a 17 year old can atest).

My children remember all sorts of stuff. Good and bad. Did you ask him how he feels now? You’ve never done it since! I was smacked (not abuse btw) as a child... I remember some of it but I’m not scared!

I remember being hit by my parents on many occasions. I don’t feel scarred, it’s just a fact of my childhood.

I remember being smacked once or twice. No it's not the nicest memory when it does flash into mind but it's not something I am always think of and it certainly didn't scar me for life! You apologised and didn't do it again which is the important thing.

@Annoy

Because he brought it up after years. It’s obviously had an effect on him

Kids know how to make us feel guilty. They're masters of that game

Either way, just tell him the only reason he remembers it was because it's the only time it's happened.

You've apologised so move on. If he doesn't move on, ask him how he'd like you to bring up everything he's done wrong since he got old enough to know better.

You’re being ridiculous. I remember the few times I got a snack as a child. I also remember that I deserved it. I have a great relationship with my parents now. Sometimes children, who don’t sometimes understand need a small smack. He only remembered it because it happened once. Be nicer to your self.

I remember when my parents did not let me go to a disco as punishment, I am still gutted! would have much preferred a smack.

He'll also remember the apologising and cuddles after the smack and your acknowledging that what you did wasn't right. People mess up and make mistakes but it doesnt mean they 'ruin everything' because of one event. I bet your ds remembers many more good events with you than bad ones. You need to keep perspective.

I grew up at a time when corporal punishment was acceptable both at home and school. I certainly don’t resent my mother for smacking me! We have always had a good relationship and I know that the smacking was an acceptable form of discipline at the time (and in fairness to mum, it was always deserved too!)

My mum once slapped me in the face. I love to bring it up because it makes her flustered.

Do I hold it against her? God no because she lost her rag once during a very stressful time of our lives when I was being a little turd.

No parent is perfect and if smacking him once in his entire life is the only thing he ever holds against you it sounds like he’s had an incredibly rich childhood with a fantastic mum.

I remember being smacked a handful of times as a kid. I wouldn't do it to my kid, but it hasn't scarred me for life. I expect most of us were smacked occasionally as it was much more the done thing two or three decades ago. Agree with others that you're being over the top and melodramatic.

For what it's worth, I remember being around 10 and we were running late for a sports class. I couldn't find my kit and was only making a half arsed attempt at finding it. My mum was really stressed at the time and after trying to get me to look for the kit, eventually snapped, picked up a chair and threatened to "put this over your head in a minute" with gritted teeth.

I found my kit bag pretty quickly. We all laugh about it now. She snapped, so what. She usually was very patient. I remember it 20+ yrs on but I'm not traumatised by it. Never have been. We (siblings) just use it to tease her with now.

Parents mess up. As long as the child is safe and feels loved that's all that counts. No one is perfect

Yabu and ridiculous. I smacked my dd across the face once when she was about 10, i was at the end of my tether. I am not proud of it but i haven't ruined her life and i have an amazing relationship with her.

I wasn't an abused child but got a light smack when naughty. I remember it, it never hurt but it was the shock of it. Doesn't mean I'm scarred! Me and my family have an amazing relationship and I'm grateful they brought me up with some discipline.

I was smacked numerous times, can confirm not scarred! He remembers it as it obviously didn’t happen again, you made a mistake and dealt with it, give yourself a break! This was standard parenting in most of our lifetimes.

Grew up when smacking was normal at home and in School, can remember a few smacks from both my parents , never got smacked or anything like it at school, but certainly not scarred for life.

My children don't remember being smacked- it was about three times, once when something hit me in the face and I lashed out, and once for smacking me over a period of weeks, I can't remember the third time. We talk about how it's wrong to hit small children, I do regret it, what led me to the point of lashing out, and their feelings- they don't remember, but I think it's important they know this stuff. In an ongoing loving relationship, one smack isn't going to undo all that, heck, even my saintly mother who never shouted once smacked my legs, and then burst into tears herself. I do remember it but I love her and it honestly makes no difference to how I feel about her, which is that she's the best mum in the world! She's been there for me every step of my life, and I don't think about the smacked legs unless something reminds me of it, like this post.

By contrast, my dad never hit me, but he was aggressive and unpredictable in his manner, and that was very damaging and scary indeed.

My parents used smacking as their only method of behaviour management. I don't remember individual episodes of smacking but do remember when DM binned a toy I hadn't put away fast enough and that it was far more upsetting. I have brought it up as an adult.

I don't think you are being ridiculous at all, I think you did the right thing by talking to him and allowing him to verbalise how he felt. And validating his feelings.

Certainly I wouldn't worry that you have ruined your relationship, you sound like a wonderful, empathetic mother. He will understand that you are human and that in that moment you did something you regret.

He's lucky to have you :)

More melodramatic than the Eastenders Christmas special...

None of us are perfect, we are all just doing our best.

I remember my mum doing it once, if been whining for 3 fucking hours about the same thing and she snapped. Never did it again. Didn't impact our relationship at all.

Whilst I don't smack or support it as a punishment, kids do push you to the edge and it's hard. Just do your best. Doesnt sound like he is scarred, it was just something he rmemebers happening and I think you'll do more harm than good raking it up now x