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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To date when pregnant?

562 replies

frabbit · 14/12/2020 19:36

I’m 15 weeks pregnant, single. Father of baby wants to be involved with baby but that’s as far as things go. We don’t see each other outside of scans and appointments, and we barely talk at the moment.

Would it be gross to consider dating? Not looking for financial support or a baby daddy, genuinely just missing the support and companionship, maybe even the attention, of a dating partner. Obviously would be taking things slow. I’ve been chatting to someone and he’s asked me out on a date. If I do go, do I tell him beforehand that I’m pregnant? Or wait to see how the date goes?

What’s the general consensus?

OP posts:
Superstardjs · 14/12/2020 19:42

My mother always said that if I had nothing nice to say, I should say nothing. So I will merely say, yes, do tell him.

Littlemissnutcracker · 14/12/2020 19:43

100 percent tell him you are pregnant

Siw2020 · 14/12/2020 19:45

For both of your sakes, please tell him you are pregnant.

Maybe join mother & baby groups? Or other hobbies to make friends if you feel you like companionship?

All the best.

OhWhyNot · 14/12/2020 19:46

A number of men have a fetish for pregnant women

I was single when pregnant and I was surprised (not pleasantly)

Yes I think you should tell him

Ribrabrob · 14/12/2020 19:46

You wouldn’t seriously considering not telling him beforehand that you’re pregnant, would you?! Please do tell him, it’s only fair.

I understand you wanting to date but do tread carefully.

Coriandersucks · 14/12/2020 19:47

Yeah I’m going to bite my tongue a bit here too and just say you really need to be up front with anyone youre considering meeting up with so they can decide if they want to continue with the date.

ReeseWitherfork · 14/12/2020 19:48

I can't see what you gain by not telling him. Are you hoping that you will like him after the date, tell him, and he won't mind? I'm so sorry if you're missing some companionship but I can't see any man not running for the hills tbh.

EckhartLolly · 14/12/2020 19:48

Are you serious? Why wouldn't you tell him? I think you need to re-examine your values and priorities.

Fatladyslim · 14/12/2020 19:49

Tell him! Don't trap him into being the default bad guy.

If you meet up and get on really well then tell him, if it's not something he is looking for or happy with, he will probably feel like a right arse hole. Even if he just isn't in the right place to be taking on a pregnancy partner yet.

isawthat · 14/12/2020 19:49

Yes definitely tell him

DesperatelySeekingSunshine · 14/12/2020 19:50

Even if you weren’t pregnant, you’ve only been single three months. Maybe you could take this time to be on your own, and maybe not complicate life further at this stage with a relationship.

Sceptre86 · 14/12/2020 19:51

I don't think there is anything wrong with being pregnant and dating but you should be upfront. Also maybe take the time to be on your own and prepare for your baby? Only you know if you are the type of person who always needs to be in a relationship? There are other types of companionship other than romantic maybe make time to spend catching up with friends.

evrey · 14/12/2020 19:52

I think if you turned up to a date pregnant having not mentioned it , your date would run a mile. It is natural that you are feeling lonely atm but now really Isn't the time for online dating, which face it can be full of strange ones at the best of times.

Anotheruser02 · 14/12/2020 19:52

My friend met her husband when she was pregnant with her first child. I'll be honest we thought he was weird that it didn't put him off. It worked for them though and 12 years on they only had one more child so it's not like he had a preference for pregnant women.

You do need to be at peace with the idea of being a single parent though OP, your child needs to be enough and a man an extra.

Crazycrazylady · 14/12/2020 19:54

Honestly, you're about to become a single mom which won't be easy. I'd take this time to concentrate on getting your self organised mentally and practically. I'm not sure I'd be rushing into the drama of a new dating relationship right now.

VestaTilley · 14/12/2020 19:55

Obviously tell him you are pregnant.

Personally I’d be very suspicious of a man who wanted to date me when I was pregnant. But I’m a bit paranoid about predatory men trying to get access to children...

However, I wouldn’t be dating now. I’d be resting, getting baby things ready, doing socially distanced meet up’s with friends and preparing for becoming a Mum.

What will you achieve by dating now? Few men will want to strike up a new relationship with an about-to-become-first-time-mum. And I’d be suspicious of ones who do, frankly.

I honestly find your post really bizarre.

Notapheasantplucker · 14/12/2020 19:56

Sorry I'm going to agree with @Superstardjs here, all I can say is of course(!) you should tell him.

AnyFucker · 14/12/2020 19:57

Can you not do without a man just for a few months ? Confused

GreekOddess · 14/12/2020 20:04

I have to agree with @AnyFucker.

You need to reassess your priorities.

Toilenstripes · 14/12/2020 20:08

Now isn’t the time.

Bizawit · 14/12/2020 20:11

God people are so frigging judgemental!! Do what you want OP. No reason at all why you can’t go out with him, and no need to tell him your pregnant unless you want to! It’s only a date for now xx

ivfbeenbusy · 14/12/2020 20:13

Yes of course he should know?

There was a thread a while back where a pregnant woman was asking about dating someone whilst pregnant and about having sex and the general consensus was that it was a bit "yucky" to put it mildly

Barmyfarmy · 14/12/2020 20:15

Tell him and don't be suprised if he runs or needs time to think.

EmbarrassingMama · 14/12/2020 20:16

Is it wrong that my first thought is what Tier you're in..?

You should obviously tell him.

MrsGrindah · 14/12/2020 20:17

@Bizawit. Err..the OP asked fir people’s opinions. And it is quite an important detail not to mention. It’s like someone being married and separated and not mentioning it . People should tell each other significant information upfront , giving the other person the opportunity to pass if it’s not for them.