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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To date when pregnant?

562 replies

frabbit · 14/12/2020 19:36

I’m 15 weeks pregnant, single. Father of baby wants to be involved with baby but that’s as far as things go. We don’t see each other outside of scans and appointments, and we barely talk at the moment.

Would it be gross to consider dating? Not looking for financial support or a baby daddy, genuinely just missing the support and companionship, maybe even the attention, of a dating partner. Obviously would be taking things slow. I’ve been chatting to someone and he’s asked me out on a date. If I do go, do I tell him beforehand that I’m pregnant? Or wait to see how the date goes?

What’s the general consensus?

OP posts:
Original poster
frabbit · 14/12/2020 20:39

@Suckmyfatone the opinions I’ve received are generally quite sexist and old fashioned, I was expecting a more open minded reaction if I’m honest. I was more questioning the telling him or not telling him, and I’ve now told him.

OP posts:
Ginfordinner · 14/12/2020 20:42

@MinesAPintOfTea

I also wondered what tier you are in as dating before reaching bubble stage in much of the country currently means walking around in the cold and the dark.

Taking COVID risks whilst expecting is tricky

I wondered this as well. Although she could be in Scotland where there are several areas under fewer restrictions than England.

OP will you please come back and tell us how your date went.

PyongyangKipperbang · 14/12/2020 20:42

Christ I had forgotten just how many sanctimonious tosspots there are on here at times.....

Iminaglasscaseofemotion · 14/12/2020 20:43

Its not sexist, its only sexist if the answers would be different if a man were in the exact same position, but that's not possible because onmy a woman can carry a child and give birth.

ShalomToYouJackie · 14/12/2020 20:44

I was more questioning the telling him or not telling him

The thread title is 'AIBU to date when pregnant?'

Bizawit · 14/12/2020 20:45

@PyongyangKipperbang 😂😂 very true.
So old fashioned - people saying it’s “odd” , and suggesting it will be harmful to the baby to be around a man that isn’t genetically related 🙄, and OP should get back with the father instead. You’d have no idea it was 2020!

JillofTrades · 14/12/2020 20:46

How is your mind even at the point of dating.You are literally jumping from one man to another. Where does your baby feature in this. You are questioning whether to tell this person- that alone shows your priorities are very wrong. Shocking.

CodenameVillanelle · 14/12/2020 20:47

[quote Bizawit]@PyongyangKipperbang 😂😂 very true.
So old fashioned - people saying it’s “odd” , and suggesting it will be harmful to the baby to be around a man that isn’t genetically related 🙄, and OP should get back with the father instead. You’d have no idea it was 2020![/quote]
That's not at all what I said, if you have to wilfully misinterpret someone to make a point then you don't have a point

Or you're just a bit hard of thinking I guess

Bizawit · 14/12/2020 20:48

@Iminaglasscaseofemotion

Its not sexist, its only sexist if the answers would be different if a man were in the exact same position, but that's not possible because onmy a woman can carry a child and give birth.
But since the carrying of the child and future giving birth in no way interferes with her ability to meet someone for a coffee- you are being v sexist.
Dillo10 · 14/12/2020 20:48

YANBU to want to date while pregnant
YABU not telling your date up front before he has the chance to develop any feelings for you

Good luck with your pregnancy - it's a beautiful time, with or without a man

Original poster
frabbit · 14/12/2020 20:48

@JillofTrades not really. I wasn’t dating the father of baby. I’ve been single for over 4 years. Don’t see how I’m ‘jumping from one man to another’. I didn’t realise pregnancy meant I was subject to the life of a nun. Confused

OP posts:
bobisbored · 14/12/2020 20:49

A friend of mine went on a date when she was very newly pregnant. She was honest, he stuck around and now they're married with another baby. Go for it but tell the truth.

Original poster
frabbit · 14/12/2020 20:50

I actually think I’ve already convinced myself that it’s absolutely not unreasonable to consider dating whilst pregnant.

I do acknowledge that I need to be upfront when dating however, and let them know about the situation before getting in too deep.

OP posts:
Original poster
frabbit · 14/12/2020 20:51

@Ginfordinner I am indeed in Scotland. I’ll definitely come back to update. Potentially looking at meeting on Friday after work for coffee.

OP posts:
Catsandkittens638297 · 14/12/2020 20:52

My bestfriend met her fiancé when she was 7 months pregnant, her baby daddy was Involved during the pregnancy but hasn't messaged her since DC was a day old. Her fiance is about to adopt her LB, he calls him dad and they have another LB together now.

I don't see anything wrong with it just be upfront

percheron67 · 14/12/2020 20:54

I would be very wary of a man who wanted to date someone who was pregnant by another man. Especially during the latter months,

twinklespells · 14/12/2020 20:56

I don't think dating is an issue, but as a new mum with a five month old I would just say don't underestimate how emotionally brutal having a new baby is. If you meet someone and it goes well and you want it to go further, that's one heck of a lot of 'stuff' happening at the same time. And a baby is a strain on any relationship, even one that's been established for ages. I don't know you, and this probably sounds insulting, but baby needs to be your priority. I've got a friend who has left one abusive relationship for another, and her DC come after the (abusive) partner every time. One of them she no longer has custody of.

Bizawit · 14/12/2020 20:56

@percheron67

I would be very wary of a man who wanted to date someone who was pregnant by another man. Especially during the latter months,
Why??
pringlebells · 14/12/2020 20:56

Dating would be the last thing on my mind at 15 weeks pregnant

PyongyangKipperbang · 14/12/2020 20:57

@percheron67

I would be very wary of a man who wanted to date someone who was pregnant by another man. Especially during the latter months,
Another one wondering why? Or will this be another sexist assumption?
AnyFucker · 14/12/2020 20:57

FWIW, I have told him about the pregnancy

I don't understand why you are posting then if the whole issue is resolved to your satisfaction. Although, you feel yourself it is "yucky" (not my words) so maybe you are just looking for someone to give you permission. Well, you have it in spades.

My comment was more along the lines of can't you just be single and sort your own self out without needing the "companionship of a man". What about strengthening bonds with your girlfriends ? They are much more likely to support you at this vulnerable time in your life than some random bloke. How did you meet in these unusual times, btw.

Don't tell me though, you're a "man's woman" and you don't enjoy the company of women. Am I right ?

Iminaglasscaseofemotion · 14/12/2020 20:58

But since the carrying of the child and future giving birth in no way interferes with her ability to meet someone for a coffee- you are being v sexist.

No it's not sexist ffs. The carrying of the child and giving birth should and will interfere with any potential relationships though.

twinklespells · 14/12/2020 20:58

And by baby being your priority I don't mean don't date, just be mindful of it.

MissConductUS · 14/12/2020 20:59

Go for it. It's just a bit of fun for you both.

Lelophants · 14/12/2020 20:59

Please be careful op, pregnancy is a very vulnerable time, especially currently. It won't be long and you'll have a tiny baby and your life will be consumed and overwhelmed. May be best to look for single mum friends if companionship is what you want?