AIBU - class gifts to teachers are from the class - not just the children whose PARENTS contributed

[Gardenista]

I feel like I am shouting into the void here but isn't a class gift from all the children - not only the children whose parents have chosen to contribute?
It's for a reception class so it's setting the precedent but it makes me feel very uncomfortable that when so many families are struggling - I would hate for parents to feel they have to pay into a collection when they are struggling for the things their children need, just to save face. Am I being over sensitive - it's a state primary in an affluent area but there are a good 10% of families struggling ( on school's data).

There shouldn't be pressure to contribute to a collective gift, but if you don't contribute, you're not part of the group of givers. That's just reality.

I'm with you OP. Totally agree. X

I agree. Plus it should be 'give what you want', not 'everyone give £X'.

@Gardenista

I feel like I am shouting into the void here but isn't a class gift from all the children - not only the children whose parents have chosen to contribute? It's for a reception class so it's setting the precedent but it makes me feel very uncomfortable that when so many families are struggling - I would hate for parents to feel they have to pay into a collection when they are struggling for the things their children need, just to save face. Am I being over sensitive - it's a state primary in an affluent area but there are a good 10% of families struggling ( on school's data).

I have never heard of a class gift before... Not a thing when I was little and not a thing at my DS school now. Sounds weird to me. I imagine its the 'naice' mums that try to organise this? Something to brag on social media about perhaps.

It was always individual cards or gifts and I'm sure no good teacher was judging the kids or their families on the amount spent.

My mum was a TA and some of her favourite things were just nice home made cards from kids with her named misspelled that cost pennies to make, of course she would never complain about any choc, booze, candles she got thought.

Class gifts are a headache by the sounds of it, I'm glad my kids school doesn't have parents trying to organise this.

Everyone just gives what they do or don't want to give and there is no pressure.

Having said that, only contributers to a group gift will surely only be recognised on the tag.

Thanks, I'm glad I am not crazy to think this way as it doesn't seem appropriate to me to leave children's names off the card - it's a gift from the class, regardless of which parents can afford to contribute.

YABU. It's only a class gift if the whole class contribute. I wouldn't leave out 1 or 2 who didn't pay, but I wouldn't address it from the whole class if say 10/30 had paid. The class gift should be minimal cost though like £1-2 each or whatever to make it affordable for all and still get a nice gift. Why would anyone pay if they can get the glory anyway?

Thankfully DD's primary never did class gifts, we just gave if we wanted to. One year we didn't as the new teacher was not nice. She only lasted a year thankfully.

Couldn’t agree with you more!

I feel like you’ve contradicted yourself- if you say “well it’s just from these kids whose parents contributed” that’s what’ll make some kids feel bad, or draw attention to those who don’t have money .

We always put the names of every child but contribution is voluntary and it’s a give what you can scenario - we give a guide amount but no one is obliged.

I'm a teacher. Honestly don't worry about the gift. An email to my boss would be better.

I agree leaving kids off because they haven't paid up is mean.

I hate the class gift fund !
When DS was in primary school they asked for 30.00.
30 students at 30.00 ? Insane !

I'm a teacher and though obviously grateful I'm not keen on class gifts. I feel for families that struggle (or those that just don't want to) and it can create a feeling of resentment towards the school/teacher eventhough it's nothing to do with them.
For those who want to do something, a class gift takes away form the child getting any ownership over it and the lessons they learn from that, and that feeling they get when you open their special card/read their special note on the back of an old envelope. It's usually one of the mums calling all the shots and most of the kids have no idea what's happening.
Sitting down with your child to write a quick thank you is much more meaningful for them and us (if you feel inclined to - obviously teachers do not expect anything).

Class gift fund is a great idea from my POV as I hand over my £3 or £5 and don’t have to go out buying things myself. And teacher gets something more substantial than 30 chocolate oranges. In fact I organise it for one of my kids’ classes. I always make sure to say it’s totally optional and just to give what you want with a suggestion (as I say £3-5, so people dont go overboard). The card is always ‘from the children and parents of X Class’ so nobody missed out. For leaving gift we usually do a homemade card, e.g with a handprint or drawing or message from every child, and that goes with the gift, no matter of parents contributed or not.

I think you’re overthinking this. It’s not like the teacher is going to view the names on a card a go round shaking hands, or even that they’ll make a point of saying “thanks to all though that bothered contributing to my gift”.

I get that it might make the adults feel bad (although they shouldn’t, it’s nice to give to teachers but any teacher will say it’s absolutely not expected).

It's from the people that pay for it. A gift from the office isn't from everyone is it, it's from the people who paid. And so often on here people complain that someone hasn't put in for a gift but puts their name on the tag/card.

It's not like it's read out at assembly which kids put in so they're bit being shamed. The kids probably dont even know about it, and those that didn't can easily give a card and quid box of chocolates.

I wouldn't put into a class gift, I wouldn't expect my kids name on it, I'd just do our own thing.

I hate class gifts. Puts pressure on families who can't/ don't want to contribute. Not everyone wants to buy a gift for the teacher.

I love a group gift as it saves me needing to think of what to get. In our school its optional so I know some parents choose to give a personal gift instead so dont sign the card. It's also contribute what you can / want. I am sure if someone was struggling there would be no issue at all with signing the card but I guess they would need to flag the situation and wouldnt go on as default so I guess that could be awkward. I dont think its coming from anywhere malicious though - the assumption is you are doing your own thing if you dont sign.

Is the collection being treated as mandatory in some way or a fixed amount?

We did class gifts for the past two years purely on the basis that it allows you more budget to buy something decent rather than a teacher getting loads of small presents. We've never left a child's name off, as that would be unfair to them but someone did point out earlier this year that its the same 15 parents who paid both years and the same 14 who didn't. Up to then I'd not really thought about it!

This year Covid has prevented us sending any kind of Xmas teacher gifts in and anyone who can afford it is donating to the local food bank instead.

Not at school yet but in my child's preschool there are 8 teachers with equal input into their care. I am so so grateful that parents do a group collection as I would really struggle to find anything other than a box of chocolates for all 8. We know the teachers would much rather a gift voucher than any other gift as we ask every year.

This year, 15 out of 25 have contributed towards the gift. It was specified there is no minimum amount to give and everything will be divided equally amongst teachers but 10 parents have opted not to contribute so the card and gift will be from those who did. I imagine some of them will organise their own gift which is completely their choice

As pp said, the names are not read out anywhere and nor are the children whose parents chose not to contribute shamed. The amount contributed by each parent is not shared with anyone either

YABU, however that doesn't mean they aren't an awful idea.

The parents who organise them, IME, tend to be the ones sitting comfortably financially. At my kids school it's not pay what you can afford, it's a set amount each that the (usually well off) parents suggest.

I've never felt able to contribute, especially as they make such a big song and dance about who has contributed.

Completely agree and when I've done class collections have always done it from the class. It must be horrible if you're unable to contribute.

I think your question is wrong. It should be 'is it wrong to pressurise parents in to contributing to a class gift otherwise their child won't be on the card'. And the answer is absolutely yes it's wrong. But if a percentage of parents want to contribute to a gift, yes, just their kids names should be on the card.
We do a 'who wants to contribute to combined gift' setup, some participate, some do their own thing, some don't do anything. All fine, but no, I don't think the latter group should be lumped with the former.

I wouldn’t personally leave any children off the card, as they have no idea their parents didn’t contribute. But technically, a gift is from the people who paid for it. I would give short shrift to anyone demanding their child’s name went on the card who hadn’t thrown in a couple of quid.

My mum was a teacher and we were never allowed to take teacher gifts, she didn't approve. Just in case that helps with the pressure anyone feels.

In any collectively purchased gift, I wouldn't expect it to be from me if I hadn't contributed, but I do find the whole concept of calls teacher gifts in poor taste.

That said, if I was organising a gift like this "from" children I'd probably just put from Class 2, rather than the individual names but that would never happen