AIBU - class gifts to teachers are from the class - not just the children whose PARENTS contributed

[Gardenista]

I feel like I am shouting into the void here but isn't a class gift from all the children - not only the children whose parents have chosen to contribute?
It's for a reception class so it's setting the precedent but it makes me feel very uncomfortable that when so many families are struggling - I would hate for parents to feel they have to pay into a collection when they are struggling for the things their children need, just to save face. Am I being over sensitive - it's a state primary in an affluent area but there are a good 10% of families struggling ( on school's data).

What horrible attitudes. No child should feel excluded from a class gift.

At the primary school I work in, staff are not allowed to accept personal gifts. Instead we have a scheme where parents who wish to make a gesture of appreciation at Christmas, buy a story book for their child to add to the class book corner. Everybody loves it, staff and parents alike.

what's your solution?

Of course you can write "for the teacher from the class"

but when people want to include messages, you are not going to refuse, are you? Even a virtual card allows that.

and what about the families who do not want to join, but prefer doing their own present? They are allowed too!

@HikeForward

I don’t think you should expect to have your kids names on a teacher’s gift if you haven’t contributed to it financially. What about all the parents who saved up or gave their last few quid to the collection? Why should some pay for all?

You can always give teacher a card your child has made with a nice message and/or a little inexpensive gift or token.

Contributing to class collections isn’t compulsory. If I’d put say £5 in and others put nothing yet still wanted to sign it I’d think they were being very cheeky!

I agree with this.

In the past I've had a combination of a collective gift, usually a voucher, from some of the children, and individual gifts - I just see it as an option for parents to join in with, or do their own thing, or do nothing.

£30 sounds ridiculous. We live in a ‘naice’ area and contribution is up to £5.

I always follow it up with a thank you card for each member of staff and a letter to head with specific example of why I am so pleased with the staff. This might be tricky this year as DD tells me barely anything.

I've contributed to a class present. The lady organising is very lovely, hasn't specified an amount and it's totally optional. I have no idea how many have contributed. If just a few haven't then I agree it's a whole class present, but if only half of us have then I hope she puts the names. Either way, I'm grateful she's organising it so can do it her way.

I work in early years and thankfully nobody has done this for our team. It's really not needed. A handmade (over glittered in revenge) card is lovely and I keep them all or just a "have a good break " as you leave in enough.

We are painfully aware of which families are struggling and it's not always obvious either. Also some parents just don't like me that much which is fine!

One year when I was leaving a job a child gave me a small box of cereal as a gift his Mum wrote in the card that she was sorry but he chose it. I have no idea what he was thinking of but it was absolutely the best thing I have ever been given. Certainly the most memorable and his excitement when he gave it to me! No amount of wine cases, hampers or vouchers could ever top that. Ditto the child who saw this and brought a pair or wellies to me "for you!"

I'd be financially able to contribute to a class gift but wouldn't as I don't agree with it. It makes those less well off feel bad if they don't give money to the teacher - wrong on so many levels.

Teachers usually appreciate a card more anyway as the child actually knows about it if they've written in it!

I see it the same way as fun class trips where parents pay a fee to cover entrance costs or something like that. Kids whose parents can't contribute don't have to stay sitting in class while all the others go on the trip.

No, because schools have to ask for voluntary contributions, but it's always made clear that if they don't get enough the trip won't go ahead.

^It's not mandatory, especially Christmas
but the idea of a "group" gift it to make it easier for those who want to join save the teacher from receiving 25 mugs or random tat^

If only.

Last year mother organising spent the lot on tat, just because she could. She refused to listen to the parents who said the teachers had told them they prefer vouchers nor the parent who was close friends with one of the TAs and that most of the stuff wasn't to her personal taste.

Just so she could get photos with the teachers with massive hampers of stuff with her and her daughter. And so she could say look at the sheer quanity of shit i bought.

I know her well enough to know she has a shopping / hoarding issue and thinks the giving of gifts equates to showing love (there's a whole backstory here) and that she gets half of it on buy one get one free deals so she can cash in on it herself and do her own Christmas shopping out of it.

And by her own admission its to get one over on the rich middle class parents.

Its so depressing. And sad. And so far removed from what it should be.

I hate it, especially when i know whats really going on but can't tell the other parents without looking like a major bitch.

@ArtieFufkinPolymerRecords

I see it the same way as fun class trips where parents pay a fee to cover entrance costs or something like that. Kids whose parents can't contribute don't have to stay sitting in class while all the others go on the trip.

No, because schools have to ask for voluntary contributions, but it's always made clear that if they don't get enough the trip won't go ahead.

Our school fund kids who can't afford. No kid would ever be left behind for financial reasons - only behaviour.

Plus there is a local benefit scheme in place for kids on low incomes to get £50 each worth of stuff from the school for certain things like uniform or trips which few of the well off parents even know about.

Not everyone wants to be on the class gift. Some dont like the teacher. Some always do personal stuff.

Are you going to insist they go on to keep it equal?

I remember my year 2 teacher opening class gifts in front of us and thanking us. It was just stuff like a bottle of bubble bath, chocolates, a mug or biscuits back then.

My mum taught year 1 and got some hilarious presents over the years, but she always opened them at home and made a note of who gave what to write thank you cards. She got lots of wine (always regifted as she was teetotal), hand-made ‘things’, various plants and one year a giant golfing umbrella! We had a good giggle opening them with her.

My DCs class doesn’t do class collections so just getting Amazon vouchers for the teacher and TA.

I yet again this year am doing the class gifts. I'll not put the names of the kids if their parents haven't contributed, why would I?

Sarah's mum who is giving the teacher a Scensy candle won't be putting the names of all of the other kids who contributed to the class gift on her gift. 🤷🏻‍♀️

I don't see a problem with this really.

As long as the collection is 'give whatever amount you're comfortable with' and there's no pressure on those who don't give at all, what's the problem? It's a nice gift for the teacher and an easy solution for those parents who'd rather give £3 than go out and buy something.

I expect the teacher would thank the whole class, regardless of whose name was on the card, so the children would all think that their parents had contributed even if they hadn't.

Obviously very wrong if there's a prescribed amount or pressure to give.

I really hate it. Ours is very militant and is split across all school staff with presents being in proportion to pay grade. It is so far removed from wanting to give thanks to a special teacher and feels very clinical.

I once refused to contribute to a gift as the teacher in question was hideous to my son. We had made numerous complaints and it had been a horrible year. This was a summer term gift. Contributing would have been weird.

I hadn't discussed this with anyone. You don't know what's really going on a lot of the time.

And teachers don't open the bloody class gift and single out those kids to say thank you to whilst ignoring the kids that didn't contribute.

Teachers know some people won't have contributed or some have done their own thing.

@Twinkie01 because it isn't the child's fault that their parent isn't financially able to...Is disorganised or can't be bothered.

I see what you are saying...but the teacher is just going to thank them all anyway.

I was Class Rep when DD was in reception. I felt strongly that class gifts (Xmas and End of Year) should be from all of the class and names should be in the card randomly. This did not make me popular.

Subsequent class reps for both children were strict on who could be named (children of parents who'd paid) and even stricter on who should be named first (their own hild) and which parents were allowed to know when the gift was being given (always a strangely random day rather than the last day - and only their mates to know) and obviously gift to be presented by certai their child.

All very unsavoury, making other children feel excluded.

We as a family quickly reverted to a card thanking teachers for the specific help/inspiration they'd provided when appropriate.

[quote Streamingbannersofdawn]@Twinkie01 because it isn't the child's fault that their parent isn't financially able to...Is disorganised or can't be bothered.

I see what you are saying...but the teacher is just going to thank them all anyway.[/quote]
But if the teacher just does a generic thank you to the whole class who cares if their name is on there or not.

And you can guarantee if we just put from class 3F they'd be the cheeky fuckers who just wouldn't bother as they knew they'd be getting their name in the gift.

"I was Class Rep when DD was in reception. I felt strongly that class gifts (Xmas and End of Year) should be from all of the class and names should be in the card randomly. This did not make me popular."

I don't really understand why you'd put the names on for those who hadn't contributed.

You will have parents who dislike the teacher and don't want to be associated with any sort of gift.

You will have parents who prefer to make or buy something more personal, or send a kind letter/card/email, and don't want to be associated with the group gift.

And then yes you may also have people who really would like to contribute but can't afford to - and may find it humiliating to see that their name has been added by someone who has made that assumption about them.

I think you treat adults like grown ups. Do you want to give something and be part of this? Great. Would you rather leave it and we are not going to delve into the reasons for that? Also great.

Whatever happens, the teacher will thank the class for 'all of the gifts, cards, letters and emails' so that all children assume that their family have contributed something.

Been there and done that. There's always a contingent (usually the loudest) who only want the parents who donated childs names on the card. I dont agree. I just put from the class. I also make PayPal donation anonymous

IMO there's a real lack of generosity of spirit about 'only the names of those whose parents paid' go on.

For every CF who wants to 'get the glory' (which phrase says a lot about why these gifts are done) without paying, there'll be 2 or 3 who are struggling.

If the motivation is to say thank you to the teacher, 'from the class' is both sufficient and most accurate. if it's to put your own thoughtfulness/generosity/whatever in the limelight, get your own gift, just from you.

We do group collections, if you didn’t contribute well you aren’t part of the gift giving (some people prefer to buy their own gift, it isn’t just about people who can’t afford it who don’t participate). The amount is set, if you want to give less you can (no one does) but if you don’t agree to be part of it why should you go on the card and gift etc? It’d be weird demanding to go on the card if you decided not to be part of it.